That Bitch! (A Post from Mitch)

Does anyone else out there hate their mom? I know I do. I mean, she's usually alright, and she makes great cookies and dog treats. But sometimes she's just so annoying! Like yesterday, when she was singing some song from Glee, but changing all of the words to be about me. Nice idea, sure, but I don't know if you've ever heard my mom sing.

It sounds like a dying cat, and I hate cats.

I marched my dog body into the room to howl at her--telling her to shut the hell up!--but she interpreted it as me wanting to sing with her. Two things about this: 1.) Doesn't my mom know that dogs can hear much better than humans, and that her horrendous singing voice might be painful for me?, and 2.) She's not allowed to watch Glee anymore.

And then there was the Christmas light episode. Yeah, it was about as much fun as it looks. "Oh, how sweet! A dog wrapped up in Christmas lights! Isn't that darling??" No. No it's not darling. No it's not sweet. It's abuse, and I'm going to report her.

And as if that weren't enough, bitch tricked me into going to the vet this morning. THE VET! Apparently I needed a heartworm test because she missed my medicine. You know what that's called? Neglect. Seriously, I'm reporting her.

At the vet they decided that they should also clip my nails. Now, I hate having my nails clipped about as much as I hate cats and bicycles, so to describe it as "unpleasant" would be an understatement. They put me in a muzzle. It was humiliating.

But I did get a cool bandage that made me feel like a race horse.

And I did act so pitiful on the way home that I got her to stop at McDonald's. And I did steal all of the pillows when we took our 3-hour nap on the couch today. I heard her complaining that her neck hurt. Yeah, yeah, poor mama. Uh huh.

I think she needs to go to the vet.

At least I've still got Daddy.