Babies?

Chloe spent a week with us here in Savannah last summer. As soon as she left, I had a major revelation: I wanted to have kids. I announced to Matt that I wanted them, and he didn't take me all that seriously. I think he knew I was being a flake.

Of course, this phase in my life lasted approximately one week. I spent more time with babies and school started; very quickly I reverted to my previous stance, that I do not want a baby.

The decision about whether or not to have human babies is one I have struggled with for years. As a teenager, I repeatedly proclaimed that I was never having children (remember, I lived with a baby Chloe, who, although she was VERY cute, was a bit of a terror). Nearly everything about having kids sounds horrific to me.

• I never want to be pregnant.
• I never ever ever want to give birth (issue bag: I watched my mom birth my 11-pound brother at a hippie birthing center--no drugs, no nothing--when I was four years old).
• Episiotomy.
• I don't want a baby.
• I don't want to pay for a baby with my money or my time.
• I hate the sound of screaming children (in fact, I'm fairly sure that it causes my eggs to die).
• I don't want to fight with Matt about who is taking care of the baby.
• I don't want to drive a minivan.
• I don't want to have to clean up after a baby/child/teenager.
• I want to continue to take naps.
• I am selfish.
• I love my freedom.
• I love my life the way it is.

Nothing has been able to convince me that children would make us happier. Although I'm sure that parenting would draw Matt and me closer in some ways, I believe that it would be terrible for our relationship in others. Plus, I honestly believe that Matt and I can do great things in our life and help our community in ways besides procreation. And I know that people always say that they can't imagine their life without their kids and blah blah, but I don't really find that as a reason to pop out some spawn.

I'm 89% sure that I do not want to have any kids. Perhaps this will change. Perhaps my body will turn some switch and suddenly I'll want a human child. But I'm 28, and it hasn't happened yet. I almost wish that it would. Here are my reasons for possibly wanting a child:

• When I'm 60, I want to have had children. I just don't want to do any of the work involved.
• Matt and I have some pretty cool names picked out.
• I believe that we would be great parents.
• I think Matt secretly wants them.

So, I think I've come up with a solution. I am going to steal Chloe. She's 13, she's great, she already looks like me, she's smart, she's witty. Done deal. This way, Chloe will get to play as much Wii Mario Kart as she wants, Matt will get to share great books and movies with her, and I'll get to have an adult child. Win, win, win.

Meet our new daughter, Chloe.

Time to pack your bags, sister.