As I was driving down the parkway this morning, groggy because I'd had to peel myself out of bed at 7:45 (so early for summer!) and because I failed to eat a healthy breakfast, I became a murderer. The incident happened shortly after I merged, when I was going between 45-55 mph, and some very intelligent bird was hovering about four feet off the ground, directly in front of me. I tried to brake, and I couldn't swerve without getting into an accident, so I hit it.
Thump!
Horrified by my murderous act, I looked in the rearview mirror.
Poof!
There was a poof of feathers at the scene of the crime, almost cartoonish. It was like a pillow fight on a sitcom. Actually, it was like the end of this Pixar short (around 2:30).
Or this disturbing few seconds that Matt recommended of Randy Johnson hitting a bird with a fastball.
Gross!
Anyway, I'm still driving around with souveniers of my kill.
Ugh.
Anyone have some rubber gloves?
R.I.P., bird. Sorry you're dead. Maybe as a ghost bird you can go to all of the other birds and instruct them to maintian a high altitude when flying around such busy roads?
You took pictures of the evidence of your murder?
ReplyDeleteMandy, do you not possess an iota of self-preservation instinct?
That's evidence girl! You best make like Michael Vick and start digging a hole to bury the body and anything incriminating.
You can even get Mitch to help you dig, and then Matt could come up with an alibi and perhaps a new identity before you go on the lamb. This whole thing could turn out to be a nice family activity... before you have to say goodbye forever.
But please learn from O.J.'s mistakes. Stay off the freeway and don't go for Mexico. It's just what they expect.
Next time I commit a murder, I will heed your advice.
ReplyDeleteIf I had a dollar for every time I heard that....
ReplyDelete