No, We're Not Dead.

Hello, the internet.  It's been a while.

Here's what's going on: not much and so much at the same time.  It's just been really hard, busy, and at times insanely boring..  Working, babies, cleaning the kitchen 200 times a day, not getting enough sleep, spending way too much time watching The West Wing on Netflix.  I'll be honest, I've been a bit of a pill this week.  There have been some tantrums going on in our house.  Charlie has thrown most of them, but I have thrown a few, too.  Charlie's are usually because of things like we gave him milk or we closed a door or we wouldn't let him take Matilda's pacifier out of her mouth [again].  Mine have been more of the omigod-get-me-out-of-this-fucking-house-before-I-explode and the omigod-I-can-never-get-anything-done-when-I'm-holding-a-baby variety.  The good news is that I go back to work on Thursday (even if it is only for five days) and I have AP training at the end of the month, so there are things that I can do coming up that have nothing to do with diapers or holding babies or President Bartlet* or whatever showed up on my Facebook feed that day (PS--Facebook kind of makes me hate the world, yet I'm addicted to it).

That sounded really pouty and annoying, didn't it?  Imagine how Matt's feeling.

I actually want to get back to blogging, if only because I'm starting to become old and forgetful and I want to remember stuff that went on during these years.  And as soon as this newest baby of mine decides that people are allowed to put her down between the hours of 5:00 and midnight, I plan to get back to you.  It's certainly a better use of my time than checking Facebook again, right?  But I'll have to come up with things to share with you, because I refuse to believe that you want to hear daily boring rundowns of our life here.

Oh, and if you have sent us a gift or done something nice for us and haven't received a thank you note yet, blame Matilda.  I swear she has some sort of sixth sense that knows when I'm about to start working on them, and then she decides to scream her head off.  All I can take from this is that babies are really ungrateful.

But things aren't all fussy and bad around here.  Charlie is basically the cutest thing that's ever happened, and Matilda's working on getting there (newborns just aren't as cute--sorry).  He walks and runs and climbs and jumps and dances.  He recently started talking, too.  His little voice is just the sweetest, outdone only by his belly laughs.  Mitch is still my soulmate, and he and I are planning a little getaway together.  And Matilda seems to have red hair and blue eyes, which is kind of scary because it seems like she's exposing that affair I had with David Letterman last summer.

PS--Just heard Alex Trebek say "You are a dirty pirate hooker." Yes!

And, with that, the baby is crying again, demanding milk or whiskey or something.  She'll certainly get one of those.

You get a few pictures, though.

*Oh, I love you babies and President Bartlet, but I'm a little tired of you at the moment.**

**In other news, I've decided that my principal is basically President Bartlet, which is about as high of praise I can give to a boss.  I'm debating whether telling him how I had this realization would be seen as too much of a kissass move.

Hey hey hey.

So Miss Matilda is in a growth spurt which makes her a little crazier than normal (can we say something like "than normal" when talking about someone who's only 3 weeks old?), and I spent a lot of the day preemptively cleaning the house and doing tasks so that tonight when her screaming tapeworm demon reared its ugly head I would be prepared and wouldn't be freaking out because I had to hold her for five or six hours straight when I had tons of other stuff to do.  So right now things are somewhat caught up and clean and I'm all ready to hold that baby--and wouldn't you know it, she's gone back to her "normal" sweet, calm, tired little baby self.

So I decided it was a good time to write a blog post.  Except here's the thing.  I don't have much exciting stuff to talk about.  The babies are good.  It's hard to have two of them when they both need something, but it's not any harder than I expected it to be.  Do I want to scream and throw a fit sometimes when I find myself cleaning the kitchen for a fifth time in a day, and do I want to spout off some cliche mom shit like "why do I even bother cleaning the house?" sometimes?  Yep.  But that was to be expected.  And until I win the lottery and can hire someone to hold babies while I clean (or clean while I hold babies, I suppose--or, hell, do BOTH!), that's what life is going to be like for a while.  Oh well.  I'm trying to savor our moments with these wee ones and enjoy babyhood, even though we all know that babyhood isn't really my thing.

I don't have work drama to share because I haven't been to work in a month and a half (egads!) and because I wouldn't share work drama with you here anyway because I actually like having a job.  And I haven't done any cool home projects (except for Matilda's dresser, have I shown you that yet?) or made any awesome desserts.  I did take a shower today.  And we did cook up some P Cubed for lunch.  And we even went for a walk in our awesome new stroller.  I think those things add up to a pretty big win.

The newest development around these parts is that Charlie is like officially a walking kid.  He'd taken steps like a month or so ago, but never seemed to feel the need to walk because he is basically the fastest crawler on earth.  Then we went to the beach (also, learn from my stupidly overambitious self and don't take a two-week old baby to the beach) and Charlie realized that it didn't hurt nearly as much to walk on the sand as it did to crawl, so he walked.  Just like that.  And every time I try to take pictures of him walking, they come out like this:

Shoot.

I'm enjoying the quiet right now.  While the baby sleeps. . .

And the laundry is mostly done. . .

And the dishes are soaking (my procrastinating strategy to keep from washing them just yet).

And the wine is delicious.  And the Reese's cups were delicious, too. . .

And the pup is cute and snuggly. . .

Later, I will read more of this. . .

And I might even get around to picking up these toys, but probably not.  I mean, why do I even bother cleaning anyway?

  (Note: Matt says that the Fisher Price barn is really Kent Farm, which explains why all of the super heroes are hanging out there.  I always try to make it Animal Farm to teach young Charles about Communism and glue production and whatnot.)

This and That

1.  Why are Golden Grahams so good?  No, I did not eat a half box of them today.

2.  One thing that's awesome about not being pregnant (FROM NOW UNTIL THE END OF TIME!): cleaning with chemicals.  Not that I need to inhale my favorite ammonia and bleach cocktail or anything, but it's nice not to have to feel like I have to hold my breath every time I smell a cleaning product for fear that my kid will grow up to be like some Real World Road Rules Challenge bozo.

3.  I'm a terrible blogger lately.  I know!  But I actually do Instagram pretty regularly right now.  My name is mandypkeaton.  When Charlie was itty bitty, I didn't want to be that person who only posted pictures of their kids on social media.  Sometime in the last year I let go of that bull jive (and even regretted not having more Instagram pictures of him), and decided that if you didn't want to see pictures of these little humans I grew using my body (and the cutest dingo this side of the Mississippi), then you just don't have to follow me.  Right?  And if you do want to see pictures of said tiny humans, there are plenty there for your enjoyment.

4.  Loving Mad Men this season.  What do you think?

5.  Ever since I had Matilda, the fingers on my right hand have been numb.  What's the deal with that?  Super weird.  Who needs hands or fingers, though, amIright?

6.  Charlie walks!  He also rearranges furniture and dances in a way that might make you think he's auditioning for the sequel to Magic Mike.  I have videos of this dance, and am not posting them on the internet. But bet your ass I'm saving them for blackmail!

7.  Matilda's like the sweetest baby ever.  She's super cuddly and cute and sweet and insanely cute.  Charlie has begun to warm to her (he now gives her head pats that are gentle, at least for him, instead of screaming at us every time we pick her up).  Mitch has loved her from the beginning (don't even try to do something to her or he'll bite your face off), but goes under the bed when she cries.  I'm pretty smitten, too.

8.  I want to see The Great Gatsby.  I'm excited because it's Baz and because he's such a spaz and I think he'd do a good job with the party stuff and 1920's New York.  But people who romanticize the bejeezus out of the story are getting on my nerves.  I love the book as much as the next gal--for serious--but let's not lose sight of the fact that almost every single character in the book is a giant asshole.  And the one guy who's not an asshole is a murderer.  So there's that.  Still, I want to see it.  Assholes can be fun.  I think that came out wrong.

9.  I'd been craving those crappy gas station powdered sugar doughnuts since I was pregnant with Charlie.  So, like, for two years I wanted them but never allowed myself to eat them for some reason.  Finally, the other day, I caved and got a bag, thinking that once I actually had them I'd realize that they're crap and I wouldn't want them anymore.  Well, guess what?  Powdered sugar doughnuts are delicious, and I don't care if they're crap or not.  I want them again.

Well, I'm off to go sleep on my stomach!  Amazeballs!

Hey!

Just wanted to touch base and let you, the internet, know that we have not, in fact, fallen off of the face of the planet.  It just so happens that having a newborn and a 13-month old is hard and exhausting (who knew, right?) and we're still figuring out how to juggle everything and still manage to sleep every now and again.

We haven't cooked anything new or exciting (though a Chick-Fil-A opened about 5 minutes from our house and it is kind of the most exciting thing that's ever happened), and we haven't been doing a great job keeping up with our television watching. I'm basically doing a great job if I've showered and eaten a meal that was cooked on a stove and if there aren't any babies screaming.  And if you've called and I haven't called you back (which is pretty much the case with anyone who's called in the last week or so), I'm not being a bitch.  But I have lots of phone talkin' time from the hours of midnight to 6 a.m. if you want to talk then!

In short: we're in the shit right now.  It's hard, but it's good.  And we're exhausted, but we're happy.

And, also, I NEVER HAVE TO BE PREGNANT AGAIN FROM NOW UNTIL THE END OF TIME!  Feel free to send me cases of wine for taste testing.

MKF!

Our baby lady finally arrived!

And she's perfect.  And we are complete.

xoxo

To Do

Ugh.  That "have baby" task has been on my little Remember the Milk to do list since April 7.  It mocks me. I don't want to be overly complainy or anything (at least on the internet--call me on the phone and you'll get an earful about how I'm 79 weeks pregnant and I want my body to belong to me again and how much it hurts and OHMYGODGETTHISTHINGOUTOFME).  Last night I was 90% sure I was in labor.  And then I wasn't.  As a result, I haven't been terribly pleasant today.

And then everything just gets thrown into perspective, doesn't it?  Am I really going to sit around and cry because I might have to be pregnant until my due date?  Or because I might have to have a safe surgery (that I still really don't want to have, by the way)?  Seeing and hearing the stuff about Boston has sure helped to provide a much-needed attitude adjustment.  

The baby isn't happening today.  But neither is the shower--let's be honest.  And I'll probably whine and get Matt to vacuum.  But we are safe and happy and have much to be grateful for.

Like a young Jon Hamm, who, thank God, was not one of my peers.  Because if he had been, I would have died every day.

And baby sunglasses.

And this boy, who is going to make a fantastic big brother.

And my new favorite print for the nursery.

And a husband who brings home tacos at midnight.  Those are the best kinds of husbands.  I'm out.  These tacos aren't going to eat themselves.

This and That

1.  So, this little female fetus of ours is already disobedient, and likely a little obstinate (did we expect anything less?).  As you might remember, I decided that baby girl could go ahead and be born on April 7.  And if you've looked at a calendar lately, you might notice that April 7 has come and gone, and I have not yet managed to evict her from my body.  Do I need a judge or something?

2.  Probably not a good thing that I bought three bags of Cadbury milk chocolate eggs when they went on sale after Easter.  Except that it's an awesome thing because OMG they are so good and who cares.  Fat is the new black, right?

3.  My feet are so swollen right now that my flip flops don't fit.  See above.

4.  Best David Letterman guest of all time?  Regis Philbin.  Trust me on this.  I know handsome old dudes.

5.  Charlie is still supes cute, and a little bit insane, and a lot hilarious.  Oh, and he walked!  It was awesome.  I imagine that he'll get a little better at it in time.

6.  Hell yeah, return of Mad Men!

7.  Oh, I did a dresser for our girl!  Maybe I'll give you an entire post about it so I don't seem like the laziest blogger of all time.

8. Someone get this baby out of my body.

9.  How's April 10 sound for a baby girl's birthday?

10.  My doctor said he won't come by our house for a home water birth.  I'm supposed to put bath salts in the kiddie pool, right?  That's basically as good as an epidural, I heard on Pinterest.

I think I need to go to bed now.  But first I'm going to make you look at some pictures of Charlie while he's still an only [human] child.  And one of Mitch.