Oops! I Did It Again.

Knocked up again.

Due April 20.

Pretty sure it's a girl (if only because I want it to be a boy).

Yes, it was planned.

Yes, we are crazy.

More later.

This and That

Here's what's new and exciting around these parts lately.

1.  I found an 8-pack of fun sized Butterfingers in the refrigerator yesterday.  They lasted for approximately .08 seconds.  Oh, the carnage!  But it's okay, because I'm supposed to eat 500 extra calories a day since young Charles feeds off of me for 25 hours/day, and I'm pretty sure that my doctor wants those extra calories to come from Butterfingers.  (Oreos will suffice.)

2. My grandparents and aunt are visiting this weekend!  Horray!  I can't wait to see them and hang out with them and introduce them to Chucky.

3.  I actually took a shower today!

4.  Morning Joe.  Matt and I are officially old and boring, and we have a favorite morning talk show.  We actually record it in case we're not awake at 6:00 a.m. to see it live.  Chaz tries his hardest to ensure, however, that we are awake to see it live.  He's so considerate!

5.  I go back to work on Monday!  I'm so excited.  I love little Carlos, but seriously, I was not made to be a stay-at-home-mom.  I know that returning to work will present its own challenges and difficulties, but I can't wait to put on real clothes and shoes, and to do something other than sit around the house all day.  Plus, I only have like a month of work and then it's summer break.  I can do anything for a month.

6.  Exciting in babyland?  Charlie has a new cousin, Penelope!  Get outta here with her cuteness and her, as Hugh put it, Michael Bluth hair.

7.  I want to make this cake.

8.  JMU onesie on a cute baby.  For serious.

9.  Gang signs.

He's kind of a badass.

Screaming Tapeworm Demon, Round II

He's baaaaaaaaaack.  Shoot.

Remember that time I was all, "whatev, losers, having a newborn baby is soooooooooo easy!"?  Remember that?  Were those of you who had been there just chuckling to yourself, waiting for the screaming tapeworm demon to rear his ugly (except very cute) head?  Well, you win.  This shit is crazy.

Feed me!

It's like the hardest, most boring, month-long day I've ever experienced.  And I'm such a cliche with my only-taking-pictures-of-my-baby, unshowered, yoga-pant-wearing, slobber-covered self.  I'm grimy even for me.

Little buddy has been in his 6-week growth spurt since Monday, which means that I have done nothing but feed him and then wait ten minutes to feed him again.  Did I mention that my sweet little baby eats for an hour at a time, every time?  Like twenty times a day?  And that my ass is actually sore from sitting on the couch for so many hours?  And that if I don't remember to grab the remote before I sit down to feed him, then I am taken hostage by a marathon of America's Next Top Model or Pregnant at 70?

Feed me!

And I love the crap out of this baby (quite literally), but jeez-oh-pete, kid, don't you know that absence makes the heart grow fonder?*

So I've decided to make a plan.  Here it is.  Baby Charlie will finish his growth spurt tonight, and then will sleep for 10 hours straight and will wake up pleasant and happy and only wanting to be held half of the time that he's awake.  And he will sleep 10 hours a night every night from here on out. And then he will learn to change his own diapers, to fetch me the remote, and to mix up a mean margarita.  And, hell, he'll learn Spanish, too.

Big sneezes.

And I will see my bed again.  And fold the laundry for the first time in a week.  And have a minute to wash off some of this slobber.  It's disgusting.


*Charlie, if you're reading this far, far in the future, know this: if you continue to eat this often I will have to punish you by forcing you to wear a jean jacket.  Again.

Baby STD's

You haven't heard much from us for a week or so because our sweet little precious babe became possessed with a screaming tapeworm demon (a.k.a., "3-week growth spurt").  Basically, for the better part of a week, young Charles decided that he had to feed for about 12 hours a day (I wish that was an exaggeration), and he demanded that we hold him for the other 12.  It was wildly fun, if by wildly fun you mean "so awful that it made me ugly cry in the shower twice."  So there was that.  

The good news, though, is that the screaming tapeworm demon (oh jeez, does my baby have an STD? I totes thought I'd be a better parent than this!) has since been exorcised.  Today he's been just lovely and delightful.

So he's no longer looking like this all the time.

And he's gone back to looking like this.

Still, I'm considering going in tomorrow to get my tubes tied.

Also, during my time trapped on the couch in the last week, I have watched an insane amount of stupid TV.  I did feel like a better parent when I compared myself to the girl on 16 and Pregnant who was determined to get back to training to become a professional cage fighter, and I felt like a better human during MTV's True Life: I Am Jealous of My Sibling that featured such loathsome humans that it made the cage fighting mom seem like a Ghandi rocket scientist.  Also, the Justin Bieber Proactiv commercials that aired during every break made me wonder if, perhaps, it was high time that I find some more age-appropriate programming?

Big week ahead for us.  We have in-laws visiting (and not a moment too soon!), and I've promised myself that I will (I swear it!) finally get this kid a birth certificate.  He'll need it in 35 years when he runs for president.

Taking It Easy

Monday the nurse at my doctor's office (oh yeah, because my doctor is on f'ing vacation right now!) basically ordered me not to do anything until Saturday because we're holding out for Sunday when my doctor gets back.*  No cooking, no cleaning, no nothing.  I am allowed to go to work, but I'm to stay seated as much as possible.  So that's been fun.  Except that it hasn't.  I mean, I can lie around like a sloth with the best of 'em, but I really don't want anyone telling me that I have to.

So super husband Matt has been doting on me, fetching me drinks and handfuls of Reese's pieces (why did I think it wise to buy a 10-lb. bag of them?) and being fun and cooking awesome dinners.  Sweet snuggle pup has been sweet and snuggly. And since we rushed to compete every pre-baby task last week, I have nothing to do now except sit around and get fatter and ponder such depressing questions as, "Did my water break, or am I really just that bad at controlling my bladder?"**

I think this has been the longest week of my life.  For serious.  And it hasn't been bad necessarily.  Just boring.  And weird.  I'm trying to soak up and enjoy our last moments as a trio, and trying to not sully them by complaining about discomfort or boredom or the fact that I get too hot when I lie on the couch for 6 hours.  I'm also totally exploiting the fact that people answer the phone really quickly when I call because they think that I am calling to tell them that I am in labor.  

I've been working so hard at school to make sure that everything is in place that I just today realized that I have, at maximum 17 more days with students between now and August.  (!)  So that made me pretty happy.  Plus, Mad Men's coming back on Sunday, and The Hunger Games is coming out, and I got to teach "A Rose for Emily" today, and we'll have our boy soon!

And since only about 3 things fit me anymore because I'm as big as a wooly mammoth (though, thankfully, a little less hairy), I've been taking fashion cues from one Rachel Green.  I am basically wearing this outfit right now.  So you just look at her and pretend that that's me, because I'm pretty sure that there should be no actual  photo documentation of what I actually look like right now.

So, yeah, check back in later and maybe I won't be pregnant anymore.  That'd be nice.



*Which is actually good and fine, because that fits into my plan of having the baby on the 25th, and it works better with school and all of that other bull jive, but man oh man I sure would like to be finished being pregnant RIGHT NOW.

**Turns out it's the latter.  Also, I am a poet.

Weekend Fun

Oh, you know what we don't have yet?  A baby.  Last Monday's doctor's appointment left Matt and me both in a little panic after our doctor and nurses all seemed to act like little CSF would be arriving sooner rather than later, so we rushed all last week to get every pre-baby task completed.  I was instructed to take it easy (after doc offered to just let me go to the hospital and have the baby on Thursday if we wanted) and to try to make it to the 26th when doc will be back from vacation (WTF, doctor? You can't go on vacation until April!).  So I've been trying to slow down and not do anything too strenuous.  By the way, I can't really remember the last time I was upset because I couldn't ellipt.

But the weather this week has been amazing and happy, and our windows have been open, the cookies have been delicious*, and the dog has been trying to melt our hears with his cuteness.  We sat out the St. Pat's celebration (though I hear that our sweet Savannah really outdid herself this year) and instead focused on tying up loose ends around the house and doing some baby reading.  As much as I would be thrilled to be finished being pregnant and to meet our boy, I know that it's better to try to get as close to our due date as possible (mostly because of the boy's lung development and the fact that the longer I can go, the less time I'll have to spend at school at the end of the year).  So we're chilin' out max and relaxin' all cool and all--and I'm getting pretty bored with it, quite frankly.  I give myself a little pep talk/reminder about every 2 hours that it's better to wait, it's better to wait. . .

Here's what it's looking like around these parts lately.

 If I lean forward, I can see my toes!  Also, I am forever covered in dog fur.

 Lizard hunting.

Kept seeing these yogurt dot things on Pinterest, and, honestly, I thought they were pretty gimmicky.  But Shecky and I were talking about them, and I decided to give them a try.  The verdict: awesomeness.  They're fun and easy and addictive and taste like they're way worse for you than they are.  Mitch is a big fan, too!

So that's what our life is looking like in these last days before our boy comes, the calm before the storm, if you will.  

What have you been up to?  

*Made the Back in the Day Bakery chocolate chip cookies again.  Made half with chocolate chips and half with Reese's Pieces.  I've eaten approximately 6 a day since Thursday.  Shoot.

Love and Marriage

Me:  Carseat's installed, nursery is finished, freezer is stocked.

Matt:  Cool.  Now all we have to do is raise a human from infancy to adulthood.

Updates: Nursery and Fatness

Hey, I said I'd have the room finished by March 1, and I made it (well, pretty much)!  This weekend I had a super surge of energy that allowed me to do almost everything around the house that I could do to avoid grading essays, AND to grade essays.  Of course, I did too much and my body hurt like hell afterward, but it's a small price to pay for the feeling that everything is in its place.  Now, this new pelvic-bones-loosening-up-to-make-way-for-Matt's-son's-giant-head sensation is, well, less than pleasant.  Oh well.  I'm 36 weeks, so only a few left to go, right?

Okay, so here's how fat I am at 36 weeks.  And that is a professional hairstyle and those are designer yoga pants.

Try, if you can, not to be too jealous of my mad fashion skillz.

But let's be honest, fatness if far less exciting than a super fun little kid's room.  Here we go!

The view from the hallway.

View from the door.

The closet.  Totes took the doors off and hung curtains so that we could access the entire closet all at once.

Boy clothes as far as the eye can see. . .  Matt says that the kid will just wear an outfit and then we'll throw it away.

We left the bed in the room so that we can still have a decent place for guests to sleep.

I want one of these for myself.

And, now, my totes favorite part of the room.  And our boy's name!  (Trying to keep people from being able to stalk him on the world wide web until he at least has some teeth.)

 Notes: name banner idea from here (I used Georgia font size 500), dino-brite instructions here. The cradle is the same one Matt slept in when he was a tiny little baby.  I'm in love with it.

Stole the wall idea from Sassy Curmudgeon. Our boy's picture will go in the middle (If he's cute.  If he's not cute, we'll probably just get a picture of Scott Baio.)

Well, there you have it.  Isn't it the most fun?

Dinosaur Mobile!

Months and months ago, maybe even before I was growing a fetus, I started eyeing baby mobiles on Etsy.  Truth be told, if I could have 25 mobiles hanging in every room of my house, I would.  So narrowing it down to just one (or let's be honest--2 or 3 probably when it's all said and done) was pretty tough.

Here are some of my favorites.

 (umbrella mobile, hanging monster mobile, and felt ball mobile)

I wanted something that I could make myself (because I'm the cheapest person alive), that would be super fun, and that would go with the rest of the room, and that would be something that the kid could play with later.  I had it narrowed down to either monsters or dinosaurs, and what do you think won out (after I made Cassie make the decision for me)?

DINOSAURS!

Here was my inspiration:

dinosaur mobile

I got myself some supplies: felt, embroidery thread, and one of those ring things from craft stores that I don't know what they're called, but old ladies use them a lot.  (I spent like $15 on supplies when I really only needed like $6 worth of them.  So if you need a mobile, just let me know.  We're swimming in felt 'round these parts!)  I already had some stuffing stuff, and if I hadn't I probably could have used the guts from Mitch's toy that he destroyed this morning.  

And I used the picture of the original mobile as a guide to draw a couple of the dinosaur shapes.  I wanted to have a couple more types, so I found silhouettes online printed them out.  Then I cut the shapes out in cardstock and used them to cut out shapes in the felt.  After some stitching and stuffing stitching again, we had some cute little dinos.

And then I hung them up on my ring thing with some string, and look!

(I placed my dinos face-down so that the baby would have a better view of them.  I also tied the strings to little tabs on the dinos backs so that I could take them off and let the kid play with them later, hopefully on his felt dinosaur mat.)

I'm kind of obsessed, and I hope the boy enjoys them, too.  He better, because I just we just spent all day yesterday at birthing class and I had to watch 4 videos of babies being born, and if he's going to do that to my body, then he'd sure as hell better enjoy my dinosaurs.  And if he doesn't, we'll fight.  I could totally beat a baby in a fight.

Movie Star

If you're interested, check out the little video of Blast from this week's appointment.  He starts opening his mouth around 1:40, which is my favorite.  Oh, and he's still a boy.  No Rachel situation here.



And if you're so inclined, check out his rabies-afflicted big brother barking at his bone on the bed.



Are you totally judging me for being the person who just put a video of her ultrasound on the internet?  Yeah, I kind of am, too.  In my defense, though. . .oh shoot, I've got nothing.  If I can't get drunk or ride roller coasters, though, I've got to do something to entertain myself.

Does This Mean I Have to Eat a Lamppost?

He's singin' in the. . .

. . .amniotic fluid.  

This and That

Here's what's been awesome around here lately.

1.  Last Friday a friend loaned us her passes to the Savannah Film Festival where we went to see the Director's Choice film, where the movie isn't announced beforehand.  So we were super pleasantly surprised when the movie turned out to be The Muppets!  We were the first audience in the world to see the movie (see: we are important and influential).  Not surprisingly, the movie was fantastic, and I smiled the entire time.  My face hurt afterward.  Go see it when it comes out.  (It's way better than this trailer might suggest.)

2.  Also, when we were at the film festival on Friday, I saw this handsome man walk past, and I kind of recognized him.  I told Matt that I thought that had been a famous actor man, because he was handsome and because he was dressed like a famous actor man and because there were all of these people who seemed to be treating him like he was really important.  Old Roommate Cris had mentioned that James Marsden was in town, and I told Matt that maybe that had been him.  Matt then proceeded to list off everything that James Marsden had done that he knew (X-Men, Modern Family, etc.) and I couldn't place him.  I couldn't place him until, right before The Muppets, they gave some award to James Marsden and showed a montage of all of his very important and influential work.  Then I realized where I knew him from: 27 Dresses.  Oh yes, my Saturday night HBO guilty pleasure movie.  Matt shook his head in shame and likely contemplated divorce.  Hell, at least I didn't recognize him from Bride Wars, right?  Right?

3.  During a conversation with my coteacher yesterday about cord blood storage, one of my best students walked into our conversation and asked, "Whore's blood?  Like a harlot?"  Love that kid.

4.  Really, really pleased with myself because last week I found a BOB Revolution stroller on Craigslist for $100.  And it's awesome, and smooth and beautiful and I'm really obsessed with it.  Mitch, however, seems to think that this is just another form of a bicycle (and Mitch HATES bicycles), so he pretty much just barks at it and is less than thrilled when Matt and I chase him around the house with it.  I think that once he begins to associate the stroller with walks, though, he'll warm up to it.  Hell, the stroller has a weight limit of 70 pounds, so if I could get him strapped in correctly, I could put Mitch in it!  Should've gotten a double stroller. . .

5.  Three-day weekend, three-day weekend, three-day weekend!  I've got grand plans of doing very little and of eating much.  There will be naps.  There will be Parenthood marathons.  There will be some ellipting.  There will be nary a teenager.  Shoot yeah!

Happy days to you!

Shoot Yeah!

Go check out why I've been so incredibly excited these last few weeks.

And enjoy this lovely number on your Saturday morning.



And, everyone else, now I'll stop nagging you to get pregnant with me.  

Weekend Fun

What started off as a rocky weekend (What?  Dairy Queen is closed and I can't have a Blizzard?  Should we move to a house that is closer to a Dairy Queen or what?) turned out to be absolutely lovely and breezy.  We opened all of the windows and grilled and ellipted and watched too much TV.  I expanded The Blast's wardrobe by approximately 84 pieces.  (Girl across the street who has a little boy was having a yard sale and selling clothes for $.25/each.  And I got a pack n play for $5.  For the duration of the weekend, I sang the Subway "Five Dollar Footlong" song to Matt, substituting, of course, pack n play for footlong.  Matt has never been more excited to leave the house, methinks.)

I ate Taco Bell twice.  Why so good, Taco Bell?  Also, Matt says that if I were to go in for an ultrasound, the technician would be able to see a baby, and a chicken crunchwrap.*

I also pledged not to leave to house for most of the weekend, which meant that a bunch of those annoying little house projects that I've needed to do are getting done, and it means that I'm really feeling a deep connection with my Brothers & Sisters.  

Here's what it looked like.

Now I need to find a matching one for Mitch. 

 Reilly came to visit and to protect us from yard sale customers.

Mitch got some help with his chores.

 Clothesplosion!

 Wondering why we have all of these clothes when his father has strictly forbidden him from wearing clothes.

 As close as I could come to a Blizzard without putting in much effort.

With the guidance of a Shecky over the phone, finally cleaned out the linen closet. 

 Reilly votes that we keep the green blankets.

Now we've got to go see what's going on with that sexpot Nucky Thompson.  Happy week to you!

*Sidenote: Wouldn't it be cool if one of those baby websites would tell you how big your baby is by comparing its size to that of a fast food item?  "This week your baby is as big as a taco!"