06 July 2010

Does This Mean That I'm a Prude?

So, today I was in the middle of one of my very favorite activities, walking through Target whilst talking on the phone, when I was stopped in my tracks.  I was walking past the kid clothing section, a place where I normally do not stop (because, aside from those that I see at Baby Gap--which basically just look like miniature real person clothes--I think kids clothes are boring and not nearly as cute as other people seem to think that they are).  But I stopped as soon as I saw this:

Really?  Madonna?  On your baby?  I mean, it's not like the humor is lost on me.  I get how that's funny.  I just can't seem to shake how by dressing your young girl in this shirt is somehow setting the expectation that she'll one day mature, that she'll one day become this:

(By the way, there were much skankier pictures that I found that Matt said were not blog appropriate.)  And, I mean, more power to Madonna and her freaky arms and such, but it just creeps me out to have a toddler advertising her future skankiness.

But that wasn't all.  There were Aerosmith shirts for the kiddies.  Because nothing screams "wholesome childhood" like Steven Tyler.  (By the way, my senior year of high school I was obsessed with Aerosmith's song "Pink."  I loved it because, I, too, loved the color pink, and I thought the song was catchy.  Apparently "pink" has more than one meaning, and I was sending out some mixed messages by playing the song on repeat as I drove around in my '86 Ford Escort singing at the top of my lungs. Here's the video for your Wednesday enjoyment.)

And Bob Marley.  "Daddy, am I still too young to smoke pot?"

And the Grateful Dead.  "Hi, Mommy.  When I grow up I'm going to die of a drug overdose."

And Run DMC.  Because no kid's outfit is complete without a faux gold chain.

And ACDC.  I really don't know anything about ACDC except that either Beavis or Butthead wore their shirt.  I think I'd keep my kid out of Beavis and Butthead attire until they were at least eight.

And The Beatles.  Well, no real complaints there.  Except that maybe the kiddos would misunderstand the meaning of the greatest of all of their songs, "Why Don't We Do It In The Road?"  We don't need to be encouraging our youth to forsake safety, now, do we?  Safety should always come first.

You know, though, as much as I might disagree with the messages that these shirts would communicate, I have to say that I don't think they're nearly as awful as some of the tshirt alternatives that are out there for little kids like, "My brother did it" and "Aren't I cute."  I REALLY hate those shirts.  No, your brother didn't do it, and no, you're not that cute.  (Especially when you're screaming in a restaurant or in front of me in line at the store.)

But I think this is the one that makes me want to puke all over myself the most.

Oh, shoot.  Matt says that he just got Mitch a collar that has this same saying on it. 

**Note** Apparently the person I believed was Bob Marley is really Jimi Hendrix.  Many thanks to the friends who pointed this out to me.  (If it's not Danny, Donnie, Jordan, Jon, or Joe, I guess I am ignorant.)  Jimi Hendrix, by the way, is just as bad for a kid shirt.  But not as bad as 50% Mommy, 50% Daddy, 100% Cute.  I'll take a mysterious death and a rockin' "Star-Spangled Banner" over that shit any day of the week.


  1. Gah! Those t-shirts are horrible! But I do plan on buying Mitch some ridiculous t-shirts that say something like "Mommy loves me best!"

    PS: That's Hendrix, not Marley.

  2. Shooooooooooot, that is Hendrix, isn't it? Is he better or worse that Marley?

  3. Do you remember singing karaoke to Pink at the after prom party? Because I do. Ha!

  4. Hendrix died from a Drug overdose. Marley died from cancer. If you're looking for a morality comparison. That's about it. Unless you're one of those crazies who thinks LSD is worse than marijuana.

    And by the way, I share your hatred of mall brand baby shirts. That is why I (and all Death Party representatives) buy my baby shirts at: http://www.tshirthell.com/hell.shtml#

    I recommend the following baby shirts:

    1) "Daddy drinks because I cry."
    It's funny because it's true. There's also a mommy drinks because I cry version in case you know someone with post-partem depression.

    2) "Now, that I'm safe. I'm pro-choice."
    For the wise baby, very wise.

    3) "They shake me."
    What's funnier than shaken baby humor?! If you said nothing, you've obviously forgotten about post-partem depression humor, which is covered by #1.

  5. Carly, I do not remember singing that song on karaoke, but that sounds about right. I do remember singing "All Shook Up" at karaoke with Mr. Love that night, however. Both are very good songs.

    Steve, ha! I like all of these ideas. Should Matt and I ever decide to procreate, I'll expect some of these from you. (I think #2 is my favorite.)

  6. First of all, I really hope that was not a dig a NKOTB - AKA the best band in the history of the world. . .
    Also, this post has prompted me to decide to become an entrepreneur - for awesome baby clothes. I'm thinking something with Eminem/M&M's. Couldn't be cuter, right?



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