08 November 2011

Patents Pending

So, I know my blog performance of late has been, well, lamesville at best.*  Sorry about that.  Honestly, I'm conflicted because I've spent so many years now being annoyed by annoying pregnant women who only ever talk about being pregnant and the miracle of life and blah blah blah vomit, and I'm probably now overcompensating now by just saying nothing at all since so many of my thoughts are consumed by this current endeavor and what will happen when we actually have a baby to take care of.  It's a tough job making sure you don't become the thing you hate.

What I'm going to try to work on is balance.  I want to share what's going on here (lame, boring-to-everyone-but-me pregnancy stories included), but to find a way to care about other stuff, too.  Important stuff like baked goods and ice cream and television and politics and stuff that doesn't have to do with fetuses or expanding body parts.

Let's start with this.

The Baggy Winecoat, a.k.a., "Someone has stolen one of my great idas."  I knew I should have gotten a patent when, like six years ago on St. Patrick's Day, Old Roommate Cris and I developed an idea to make a purse that would hold the bag from a box of wine.  My idea was less fancy than this one, granted, since it basically involved getting some ice packs and cutting the corner out of a messenger bag, but still.**

Now, before someone goes and steals another one of my amazing idea inventions, I want to tell you about a couple more.  You know, for proof.  I've already shared ash packets (still don't know why so many of you found that disturbing), so don't go trying to snag that one.  It's been documented.  ON THE INTERNET.

Here's my next awesomepants idea.  This one was developed with Tanya after we go lost in some pretty scary neighborhoods in Baltimore during high school.  We decided that we should develop maps that are color-colded according to crime rates so that people would know which spots to avoid.  Way back when, these would have been paper maps, but now this idea will take the form of an app.  And with GPS and stuff, you could even sort your data by type of crime!  Wouldn't that be awesome?  The GPS lady could be all, "Danger, danger!  Get on outta here!" and then you'd know to avoid that neighborhood.

Okay, and here's the idea that is really just incredible.  Caitie and I came up with this senior year of college when we were discussing our favorite flavors of popular candies.  Let's take Skittles, for example.  What's your favorite color?  Mine is red.  But Matt's is green.  Caitie and I decided initially that the candy companies should make bags of all one flavor, like all red or all green (but not all purple, because, seriously, who loves purple the most?  That's like loving the purple freeze-e-pop the most, which is basically like being a dirty communist.).  But then we thought that too much of a good thing could be bad, so we decided that they should make bags that are like 75% the favorite flavor and 25% everything else.  We'd call them Mostlies.  Mostly red, or mostly green.  But not mostly purple, because we are a righteous people.

So, those are my ideas, the best that I've been able to come up with in my thirty and a half years on this planet.  Don't even think about stealing them.  I already lost this game once to the developers of the ol' Baggy Winecoat (which I totally want come April, by the way).

*Would totes love to be all, "Oh man, I've been so busy at work and ellipting that I haven't had time to blog!"  But you're all smart internet readers and you know that the translation of that would be "Oh man, I've been so busy eating Halloween candy that I got for 50% off that I've been in a sugar coma and then having to ellipt to keep from getting gestational diabetes."  Shoot.

**And, no, it's not possible at all that two people could come up with the same amazing idea.

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