Why does Jillian Michaels hate me?

Summer is fast approaching, which, among other things, means that it's time for me to stop being a disgusting fatbody and start exercising regularly. I saw a picture of myself the other day and thought I was going to have to give Matt a chef's knife and dustbuster to get some of the fat out of my arms. But, really, that would probably be more trouble than it's worth.

Last summer I did a pretty good job of exercising/eating right/losing weight, and I hope to repeat that performance this summer. I've introduced a couple more ways of exercising to our home: the elliptical machine and Jillian Michaels, sadist.

Last time I attempted the 30 Day Shred I was about 6 glasses of wine deep and decided with my friend Cassie that we should do it. I also decided that I would follow Natalie, the advanced workout girl, rather than Anita, the wussy one. As a result, for the next five days I could not use stairs or sit down in a chair without holding on to something (also, we only did the first five minutes). I spent most of that time looking like this:


Well, in a lapse of judgment, I decided to order the DVD for myself. It came today, and I decided to give it a whirl tonight. I actually finished, and I did realize that those first five minutes are the most difficult for me, which provided a sliver of encouragement. After I was done, though, I thought I was going to throw up. And not an exaggerated "stick-figure-decals-make-me-want-to-throw-up" kind of throw up. This was a real, nauseous, sick to my stomach feeling. Matt said that I shouldn't have over-exerted myself, but I believe that the nausea had more to do with today's steady diet of cupcakes and margaritas than it did with the 20 minutes of exercise.

I wish cupcakes made people skinny.