12 August 2010

Picking for Bugs Under Your Skin Isn't Normal.

Okay, so today I worked a shift waiting tables, and things started out boring enough.  My first table was a guy about my age, and a woman I assumed was his mom, or aunt, or Mrs. Robinson.  Didn't matter to me.  After they chowed down on their chain restaurant delicasies, they paid with a credit card, and left. 

It was pretty uneventful.

Uneventful until I went to clean the table, and noticed that underneath their credit card slip there was a note. 

It was hard to decipher the writing, but eventually my coworkers and I figured it out.  Well, sort of.

Methadone.  Ol' Brian either wanted to sell me some methadone, or he figured that since I was working at a restaurant, that I must have a good drug connection to hook him up with some methadone.  The situation is disturbing to me for two main reasons.
  1. What sort if image had I been projecting to make Brian believe that I either was in the market for or could sell him some drugs?
  2. Why couldn't Brian just use proper punctuation, therefore clearly expressing his message?
Oh, also, I learned today that methadone is not the same as crystal meth.  The basic difference between the two is that methadone is a depressant and crystal meth is a stimulant. 

So I guess the good news is that Brian didn't think I looked like someone who would:
Leaving notes for waitresses looking for drugs isn't normal but on meth[adone], apparently it is.  And, in case you were wondering, I didn't take him up on his offer, whatever it was.
(Oh, and I blurred out the phone number just in case any of you readers are junkies.  I don't want to be an accessory to your illegal and scary activity.)

1 comment:

  1. Mandy, Mandy, Mandy....

    YOU TEACH HIGH SCHOOL IN SAVANNAH! How do you not know your illegal drugs by sight, smell, price, and side-effect?

    Things I love about this note:

    1. "If not interested, don't call" WOW! most trusting drug dealer, EVER! I bet he lets people give him IOUs. "S'okay, brah... I know you're good for it."

    2. Oh my God, Brian, you are so good at your job! Leaving a phone number on the back of a receipt at a restaurant.... Who needs a business card? You've managed to cut out a HUGE chunk of overhead.

    3. Methadone? Really? Methadone. It's the Billy Baldwin of opiates. We're not even talking Stephen Baldwin who's stupid but at least tries at life.

    4."Looking for methadone" Question or statement? Are we buying or selling? Brian should be more specific next time. Think what would happen if another drug dealer called up looking to make a sale. AWKWARD!

    5. What kind of a quarter-assed drug dealer name is Brian? Call me old-fashioned, but I'm not buying drugs from people without numbers or backwards z's in their names. Isn't there a union to regulate this kind of thing?

    6. Kudos on paying with a credit card as it will no doubt save the many other Brians in Savannah from unwanted police harassment.

    7. Because he left the note, that just became a business lunch, and you know what that means.... TAX WRITE OFF!!!!!

    but seriously Mandy what are these kids teaching you in school... you should've been able to call Brian and explain to him that you weren't going to pay for a shoddy and easily traceable product when you could shoot up with gasoline and turn yourself into the police for free.

    Fuck you, Brian. You're an insult to capitalism. Try selling something people are more likely to buy like Compuserve Internet Service, a plot to Michael Bay or feminism in Pakistan.



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