It was pretty uneventful.
Uneventful until I went to clean the table, and noticed that underneath their credit card slip there was a note.
It was hard to decipher the writing, but eventually my coworkers and I figured it out. Well, sort of.
- What sort if image had I been projecting to make Brian believe that I either was in the market for or could sell him some drugs?
- Why couldn't Brian just use proper punctuation, therefore clearly expressing his message?
So I guess the good news is that Brian didn't think I looked like someone who would:
- Lose my virginity in a public restroom
- Beat up an old man for money
- Try to tear off my own skin
- Make my girlfriend sell her body
- Pick for bugs under my skin
- Ever have to worry about having lipstick on my teeth
(Oh, and I blurred out the phone number just in case any of you readers are junkies. I don't want to be an accessory to your illegal and scary activity.)
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Mandy, Mandy, Mandy....
ReplyDeleteYOU TEACH HIGH SCHOOL IN SAVANNAH! How do you not know your illegal drugs by sight, smell, price, and side-effect?
Things I love about this note:
1. "If not interested, don't call" WOW! most trusting drug dealer, EVER! I bet he lets people give him IOUs. "S'okay, brah... I know you're good for it."
2. Oh my God, Brian, you are so good at your job! Leaving a phone number on the back of a receipt at a restaurant.... Who needs a business card? You've managed to cut out a HUGE chunk of overhead.
3. Methadone? Really? Methadone. It's the Billy Baldwin of opiates. We're not even talking Stephen Baldwin who's stupid but at least tries at life.
4."Looking for methadone" Question or statement? Are we buying or selling? Brian should be more specific next time. Think what would happen if another drug dealer called up looking to make a sale. AWKWARD!
5. What kind of a quarter-assed drug dealer name is Brian? Call me old-fashioned, but I'm not buying drugs from people without numbers or backwards z's in their names. Isn't there a union to regulate this kind of thing?
6. Kudos on paying with a credit card as it will no doubt save the many other Brians in Savannah from unwanted police harassment.
7. Because he left the note, that just became a business lunch, and you know what that means.... TAX WRITE OFF!!!!!
but seriously Mandy what are these kids teaching you in school... you should've been able to call Brian and explain to him that you weren't going to pay for a shoddy and easily traceable product when you could shoot up with gasoline and turn yourself into the police for free.
Fuck you, Brian. You're an insult to capitalism. Try selling something people are more likely to buy like Compuserve Internet Service, a plot to Michael Bay or feminism in Pakistan.