06 May 2011

War Dogs: A Post from Mitch

Hey, y'all.  It's me, Mitch.  Well, I've been so lazy about blogging lately.  I don't really know what's gotten into me.  I mean, maybe my Aunt Cassie has been rubbing off on me, or maybe I'm just turning into a cat.

Actually, I'm totally not turning into a cat, y'all, because that would be like the worst thing.  I mean, have you ever met a cat?  They are so mean and have such sharp claws!  One time this cat came in the house because my mom thought that I wanted a cat brother and then I tried to play chase with it and I ran into a chair that ran into the Christmas tree and a bunch of ornaments fell off and my mom was sooooooo mad.  And I was all, "I mean, why'd you bring a cat in here?  Cats are such jerks."  And they're lazy, too.  

Anyway, not that much has been going on with me here.  I've basically just been keeping my mom company while she takes really, really long naps.  Naps that are so long that even I--a dog!--am like, "Whoa, shouldn't we be doing something with our lives?"  But we have been watching a lot of the Air Bud movies (I mean, have you SEEN Seventh Inning Fetch?  If you haven't, then you're really missing out on an important part of American cinema.)

And, as you may know, I recently turned seven, which was a little bit of a crisis for me.  I mean, seven?  That's like, old, y'all.  And, to be honest, I don't feel a day over two.

And then I look around at all of these other dogs (Air Bud aside) who are really doing something with their lives.  I mean, there's Bo, who's working on foreign relations.  And there are those dogs who go to my mom's school to smell for drugs and cell phones.  And what about the dogs who can smell for cancer?  I totally should've learned to do that.  And did you know that there was a dog on the super secret Osama bin Laden capture/kill mission?  I mean, is there anything cooler than being able to say that you were the dog who sniffed that a-hole out?  Um, I'm also have reason to believe that it was the dog who killed him.  But that's classified information and I've already told you too much.

I totally should've joined the army when I had the chance, y'all.  Look how cool it is!




Oh, what?  They fire guns?  Those loud boom guns?  And they don't get to sit on couches or sleep in the big bed?  Do they at least get to pre-wash all of the dishes after dinner?  No?  Well, that's some bull jive, y'all.

Nevermind.  Scratch that whole army business.  If you need me, I'll be lying in the guest bed with my mom watching Air Bud: Spikes Back.  Or maybe Golden Receiver.  I've seen Spikes Back like 30 times already.



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