Strawberry Lemon Sorbet

Some back story. . .

I have a little history of being a lush.  Well, maybe not so much a lush as a drunk.  But probably a lush.  What can you do?

So, the first time that I met Maureen's husband, Brian, was when they came to visit me at JMU during the summer between junior and senior year.  It was a fun night full of libations and spirits, highlighted by my moronic moves such as 1.) blending a straw in the blender with my daquiris and, 2.) deciding that I would just drink the straw, because I was too cheap--and too lazy--to pick out all of the little bits of plastic.

I blacked out.  I remember falling asleep on the kitchen floor, beating my fists against the hard wood.  I remember waking up in my bed.  HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?  Blackouts are awful, but let's all admit that they're kind of neat.

Where was I?

Oh yeah.  Strawberry lemon sorbet.

So you know that I've been on a frozen-treats-making kick, and you know that I love strawberries (I mean, who doesn't?).  And I was eating that pink grapefruit sorbet like a mofo until Becky [Shecky] told me that it would make my birth control less effective, at which point I was all, "WTF!!!" and researching the shit out of the internet, finally deciding that the internet was a sham and had nothing credible to offer.  And Becky was all, "I mean, it wouldn't affect you unless you drank like half gallon per day" and I was all "I DO THAT!" and then I was all "IF I HAVE A SURPRISE BABY I'M GIVING IT TO YOU!" and she was all, "No."  Shit.  Apparently, you can't just pass off a baby on the person who told you why your birth control might not have been working.

 So I called my pharmicist at Target (best pharmacy in Savannah, by the way), and he calmed me down.  Note: if you are on the NuvaRing (a.k.a. "best birth control ever"), then you do not have to worry about over-indulging on grapefruit.  You're GTG.  Eat away.  Come over and enjoy some sorbet.

But back to the other sorbet.  It was pretty, but it sucked.  I wish it hadn't, because I spent $6 on the ingredients.  Six dollars for 1/3 gallon of gross sorbet is too expensive.  I could have a pack of Pilot Precise V Rolling Ball pens for that, plus a Diet Dr. Pepper.  So, yeah, $6 is too much for sorbet that will give me Type II diabetes with every bite.

And, let's be honest, I should have known.  Two cups of sugar?  That's a shitload of sugar.  What the fuck was I thinking?

I liked the flavor combinations, overall.  The strawberry and the lemon flavors were great, except that they were dwarfed by the ridiculous sweetness brought on by the pound of sugar.  Seriously.  A POUND of sugar.

At least it's pretty, though, right?

Here's the original recipe. (But next time I'd put in 1/2 cup of sugar instead of 2 cups.  Someone try it out and let me know how it is.)

Strawberry Sorbet (from The Way the Cookie Crumbles, who stole it from Smitten Kitchen, who reports the original source as the London River Cafe Cook Book)


Makes 1½ quarts


1 lemon, seeded and roughly chopped
2 cups sugar  (Use 1/2 cup, unless you want to have a toe amputated)
2 pounds strawberries, hulled
Juice of 1 to 2 lemons


1. Place the chopped lemon and sugar in a food processor, and pulse until combined. Transfer to a bowl.


2. Puree the strawberries in a food processor, and add to the lemon mixture, along with the juice of 1 lemon. Taste and add more juice as desired. The lemon flavor should be intense but should not overpower the strawberries. Pour the mixture into an ice cream machine and churn until frozen.