Merry Christmas!

From all of us to all of you, the internet:

Merry Christmas!  May your days be full of wild rumpuses.

Love,

Matt, Mandy, Charlie (resident king of the wild things, though he is actually the most wild thing of all), Mitchell, and young female fetus.

Haha.

Those were the best ones from our Christmas card photo session.  (Remember that we haven't forgotten about our wonderful pup, it's just that he had mange and was wearing a cone and had a swollen eye and no fur on his face when we were taking Christmas card photos.  And nobody wants a mangey dog on display, especially at Christmas.)

But here's my third favorite, though it just wasn't Christmas card material.  Kid's crazy.

Merry Christmas!  Eat too much and drink too much and chillax and wear slippers all day and laugh and take naps!

Annnnnnnnd. . .BREAK!

CHRISTMAS BREAK! CHRISTMAS BREAK! CHRISTMAS BREAK!

Yeah, so if you'd talked to me two days ago I'd have told you about how drained and tired and fussy and cranky I was, how hard this school year has been so far.  And I'd have whined about how the dog still has mother effing mange and how I missed hanging out with my Matt and how I just needed a break and a nap.  (And you probably would have made up an excuse to get off of the phone or out of the conversation because of how unpleasant I was being.)

But that break is here, my friends!  One day in and I can already feel the stress melting away.  Phew!  So I'm feeling happy and fulfilled and not even pissed at the dogs for running off and embarrassing me with the neighbors who knocked on my door at 10:30 at night to tell us the dogs had escaped.  Nope.  I'm not even going to shame them (the dogs, not the neighbors) or deny them treats because it's CHRISTMAS BREAK!  (Now, if those fuckers do it again I will take every single one of those wrapped stocking treats and donate them to the Humane Society.  That'll teach 'em!)

The laundry is done and folded (but not put away because that never happens in this house), the toys are put away, the dogs are sleeping on the couch, the baby is sleeping in his crate, and the tree is perfect.  Life is good.  I might even take a shower tomorrow.

Here's what happy's looking like around here lately.

Our faves stopped by for a dinner visit last week.

Charlie is a texting fool.

Haha, watch this little demonstration of brotherly love and admiration.

That took about two seconds.

I am determined to continue to display my fragile ornaments even with a baby in the house.

Made this crazy ribbon/bunting/banner thing to go over our doorways.  I kind of love it.  

 I also love our tree.  As usual.

This kid is bananas.  Here's a series we'll call, "Charlie Bananas throws things from his box."

And in an event that was ripped straight from the plot of an episode of Roseanne, we're giddy to have been selected as a Nielsen family.  I've never felt so important and powerful and influential in all my life.  Seriously.  There were squeals of delight.  Also, Nielsen paid us $5 (in the crispiest dollar bills on earth) to participate.  Power and influence and wealth?  Well, well, we have arrived.

Stuff for our girl.  I'm really warming to the idea of having a daughter, and while some of the things about having a girl terrify me and cause great anxiety (see: princess crap and the seventh grade), I'm getting pretty excited about meeting her.  Girl baby's going to be awesome.  (Also, this is all of the stuff we have for her because our house already looks like a plastic wonderland/baby gear store/Toys R Us.)

 MALLOWS!

I can't handle these two.  They were telling each other jokes.

 Done and done.  Next on the list: drink a milkshake.

Hope you're having a relaxing and fun-filled week that's full of sugar and dogs and snuggling.

Face Off!

Hahaha.  Do you remember that movie?  Why was it so bad?  And why did my friend Tanya love it so?  I caught it on TV the other day and was amazed that it was like one bajillion times worse than I'd even remembered.

Let's talk about skin.  And getting old.  I'm not gonna lie: I've been pretty fortunate in the skin department.  The universe has been good to me, and with the exception of some dry skin in winter and a brief bout with pimples when I was 14 (back before I discovered that the best thing for my skin was water and a washcloth), I had 30 years of not having to worry about my skin (nevermind the great sunburn of 2008 when my eyes swelled up and were all squinty and I'm pretty sure it was sun poisoning but the only thing that I was worried about other than the extreme pain was that I was going to look like a squinty-eyed clown for Hugh and Cassie's wedding).  Then I got pregnant, and my skin went all berzerk, and now I feel like I'm 14 again, back on the ol' skincare square one.  Dry patches?  More pimples than one a year?  What the eff!?!?

So I'm on the lookout for some good skincare stuff, and I'd like to have some way of keeping my skin somewhat young-looking (started wearing sunscreen after that sunburn even!) that doesn't involve just getting fatter and fatter so that wrinkles can't possible show up.  I'm thinking (hint, hint, Matthew!) that something like this DDF awesome micro polishing system could be what need.  I mean, we don't want my skin to match my hair age-wise, what with all of the gray streaks and all.  But back to the DDF thing.  This thing is really cool and looks fun to use and might even be so fun that I'd actually make time to use it.  (Truth?  Last night Charlie somehow managed to dump a milkshake all in my hair and I have yet to wash it out because I decided that I just don't have time.  It's basically like a foodie verison of hairspray, right?  I could be all, "Oh, this is my local organic cookies and cream milkshake hair product.")  It seems like it'd be gentle enough for my super sensitive skin, but cleansing enough to fight the ridiculous pimples that pregnancy has gifted me with (thanks again for that, the universe).

And extra cool for me and for you, too?  It's on sale and you can get it for $45 (which is more than 50% off--they're running the special price through January 1, 2013) if you go here and use the code DDFMICRODERMA at checkout.  Shoot yeah!  But be careful not to use the microderm brush for too long because if you use it for like 12 hours in a row you'll look in the mirror and see John Travolta looking back at you.*

Anyway, now that I've posted to the entire world about my crusty milkshake hair, I think I should go bathe or something.  Matt, buy me that thing already!  xoxo


*Jokes.  That won't happen.  

If This Isn't Nice, I Don't Know What Is

I won't turn on the TV today because I know that I will become a sobbing mess like I did about a dozen times yesterday, so I don't know all of the awful details of the shooting in Connecticut.  Still, though, I can't get it out of my mind.  We've been trying to focus on the joys in life and not to wallow in the tragedy, but it's hard, especially when every time I look at little Charlie I just think about how those babes were other peoples' Charlies and then, again, with the sobbing mess.  So, anyway, please don't take this as my not caring about it or being deeply affected by the tragedy.  I just can't think about it or I'll have crying headaches for the next week.

Tell me for one second that a dog in a baby swing next to a baby in a baby swing, somewhat dressed like the dog, isn't the best thing you've seen all day.

Unless, of course, you watched this video that makes me want to go buy every single thing that Lego makes.

Oh, also, Charlie has a box.  A giant cardboard box that we draped a duvet cover over and threw some pillow into.  He also has a cup.  Seriously, why have I spent a dime on actual toys for this kid?  Also, spontaneous baby laughter is pretty f'ing awesome.  He also now has a tooth and has tasted bacon.  Bacon jam, actually.  Kid leads a charmed life, huh?

It's a _________!

Want to know something fun?

(I mean, besides the fact that Charlie is insanely cute.  Also, I am putting pictures of him on here because I like them and because I want to drag out this reveal.)

We found out what the next kid is.

And in addition to it being, "a naked baby," as my [crazy, crazy] doctor assured us it would be (seriously, no clothes showed up on the ultrasound). . .

It's a. . .

GIRL!  Charlie and Mitch are getting a sister!  And I'll get to play with Barbies again!

Says Shecky:  "I'm kind of excited that you're having a girl, because, like, bringing an independent bitchy girl into the world is a good thing.  Like, your girl can balance out some dumb bitch."

Here's hoping, Shecks.

This and That

1.  So here's a perfect example of why you should read a recipe all the way through before starting it.  Today I was bound and determined to make the Homemade Franks & Beans recipe that I saw on Dinner: A Love Story a few weeks go.  I picked up the few ingredients that I didn't have at that store (why is maple syrup so expensive?), and decided that I'd get started after I put Charlie to bed.  Yeah, except that they take 6 hours.  So unless I am planning on setting a dinner alarm for like 3 a.m., I guess that one will have to wait until tomorrow.  Shoot.

2.  Um, let's talk for a hot second about how I'm 20 weeks pregnant, which means that I'm halfway through being pregnant with this delightful little spawn (and STILL don't know what it is, which is completely unacceptable, by the way).  More exciting than being halfway finished with this pregnancy is the knowledge that I'm 3/4 of the way finished being pregnant FOR LIFE*.  Eff yeah.  And I really can't wait for everyone else I know to be pregnant, and to hear their complaints and woes and joys about the experience, and to do all of that listening with a large glass of wine in my hand.  I'm a much better listener when I have a glass of wine.**

3.  I love flipping the calendar in my planner to a new month, partly because it's so clean and sparse and only has a few meetings written in.  Lately I've been getting bitter every single time I have to add a meeting to my calendar because, well, I hate meetings, but also because it makes my month look all cluttered and messy.

4.  Here's the problem with finishing Christmas shopping early: I want to keep buying stuff all month.  Really, it'd probably be most economical for our family if I just waited until Christmas Eve to do all of the shopping.  Charlie's only getting a few things from us (granted, they're really a few REALLY AWESOME things), but I keep finding more and more stuff to get for him.  He needs ALL THE PUZZLES and ALL THE PUPPETS and ALL THE CUTE PAJAMAS.  You know, except that he doesn't.  And really, he'd be happier with some dirty flip flops (which are apparently the tastiest thing ever to exist), the computer cord, and the tags from Mitch's collar.  Is it covered in dirt and germs and does it pose risk of death?  If so, it's Charlie's favorite thing ever.  He's been telling us lately that his name is not Charles Spencer, and that it is, instead, Charlie Danger.  Charles Danger Spencer.  Has a nice ring to it, no?

5.  Been making my own granola.  It's totes easy and way cheaper and super delicious.  I've been using Ina Garten's recipe but modifying it according to what I have and what I want at that exact moment.  And I always double the salt because I am an addict.

6.  Someone doesn't like green beans.

7.  Hilarious hand.  When speaking for young Charles now, Matt and I often describe things as being fabulous.***

8. Probably time to get an automatic focus 50 mm lens.  Lately too many of my pictures are looking like this.

*And, no, I will not be getting accidentally pregnant after #2 graces us with [let's face it] her presence.  There are ways not to get pregnant.  They work.  Don't even get me started on my rant about how if people would use birth control correctly, then it would work for them.  You don't hear me bitching about how advil doesn't work for my headache when I, oops, forget to take it, you know, ever.  Geesh.

**Also better at Spanish when wine is involved.

***And why is it so cute when Charlie's belly hangs over his diaper, but when my belly hangs out of my  pants in a similar way, it's gross and puts me at risk of ending up on one of those People of Wal-Mart emails?****

****Except that I would never be on one of those emails because I won't go to Wal-Mart.

Oh, Charles

How is it that the boy can drive me bananas all day and fuss and scream and be a pisser, but then after he goes to bed all I want to do is look at pictures of him?

Happy 8 months to Baby Charlie.

And get outta here, post-bath hair.

Thanks and Giving!

Phew!  Our Thanksgiving was chill and fun and delicious.  It was just our little family and our friend Cris, and it was quiet and relaxing.  Granted, we still made enough food to feed Honey Boo Boo's whole family, but still.  I'm still enjoying leftovers.  The highs and lows?

Highs:

• TURKEY!
• Open-window weather!
• Great scheduling made for a relaxing day
• hilarious football game that I'm pretty sure was really just a blooper reel
• introducing young Charles to the glory of Thanksgiving food
• Not being at work
• Friends Thanksgiving episode marathon
• Finished Christmas shopping
• That baby sure is cute
• Dog friends
• Going Black Friday shopping and somehow making money
• Putting Charlie on the swings on the playground (cute-splosion!)

Lows:

• Yet another (and my last I swear it!) sober holiday
• I really effed up the gravy and somehow it became really delicious "gravy dip" that looked like chipotle ranch.  
• Sweet dog has to wear a cone because of the mange*

Also, I didn't take a single picture over the holiday.  But I did take some recently (since my last post that was something like two years ago) that I liked.  Here you go.

Also, I'm watching this HGTV show right now called Love It or List It and I really want to choke this homeowner woman.  She should be homeless and have mange.

Also, Mitch and Charlie keep trying to make out.  It's gross.  Today we had a long discussion about the perils of incest and bestiality.

Also, put the big H on my chest because I'm a total hypocrite.  Totally parked in the "reserved for expectant mothers" space at the mall today.  Sheesh.

Well, enjoy your last days of holiday.  We will be.

*In case you were wondering or thought that maybe mange was fun, let me assure you that no, no it is not fun.  It is awful and disgusting and I feel bad for my pup because he's clearly uncomfortable and I feel bad for myself because my pup is really annoying when he's uncomfortable.

This and That

Well, well, internet friends.  I have been a terrible blogger lately.  I know.  Let's just pretend that at the beginning of every post from here on out there's an apology for not writing frequently enough.  Sorry.  In my defense, though, we've been quite busy.

In the last ten days we've gone to Charleston, come back, hung out with Matt's parents, ate a lot of food, made a cake, cleaned the house, did 897 loads of laundry, switched bedrooms in the house, celebrated the election victory of our favorite president and vice-president, got spoiled rotten, and discovered the new fun of pulling ourselves up on stuff/chasing a very mobile 7-month old.

Oh, and Mitch has mange.  It's awful.  You shan't be seeing pictures of him on this post because he would be so humiliated.  There's missing fur, swollen eyes, a lampshade, and the always-fun activity of trying to get the pup to take medicine.

But I've had a list of stuff to talk to you about on my little computer post-it for weeks now, and I totes have some stuff to share with you.

Oh crap.  It got deleted.  Shoot.  Well, I'll do my best.

1.  Went to see Louis C.K. a few weeks ago.  It was, as you would imagine, amazeballs.  Hilarious, fun, and delicious (thank you, king-sized bag of Skittles!).  Very fun to get out for an adult activity.  That sounded dirtier than it was supposed to.

2.  I love this thing.  First saw it on Pinterest for these bouncing ball things that are also quite fun where the balls bounce when you make noise.  It was advertised as a way to keep classrooms of kids quiet.  Worked the opposite for me.  My kids would be quiet for about 10 seconds and then take turns screaming to see if they could get all of the balls off the screen.  But the trippy one?  Well it's true to its name.  My favorite is to stare at it and then look at the giant "Big Brother Is Watching You" poster I have in the room.  Also keeps kids quiet for way longer than the bouncing balls.

3.  Go, Obam'!  Go gay marriage!  Go ladies!  Go legalized weed! (True fact: I've never smoked weed.  Didn't get around to it in college and then by the time I thought it might be fun I had a job that I didn't want to risk losing.  But as soon as that shit's legalized I'm going to try it out.  During the summer and when I'm un-pregnant and someone else is taking care of my babies, but still.)

4.  Driving me effing insane that I don't know what this next kid is.  My OB (who is crazy but awesome) assures me that it will be a naked baby.  I even tried to exaggerate some pulled muscle pain I was having to make it sound more alarming so that I could get an ultrasound and find out, but to no avail.  DAMMIT.  I don't even know why I'm worried about it, though.  It's totally a girl.  I've even tried to eff with the universe by buying pink things.  It's fine, it's fine.  Girls are good.  But I swear that if any of that plastic stupid princess shit sneaks into my house I will. . .be annoyed but probably do nothing.

Alright, the internet.  That's all I can remember.  Now look at some pictures of marshmallows and my kid.  Not pictured: pitiful dog with mange. :(*

CSF sticks out his tongue now.  It's kind of the best thing ever. 

If you're off work on Monday I hate you**.  I don't have off and am VERY bitter about it.


*So pitiful that it calls for a sad face emoticon.

**Extreme, yes.  True?  Also, yes.