This and That

Let's talk about a few things for a hot minute here.

 1. The vending machine at school now takes credit cards, which means that I have been eating like complete shit every day at school. I really need to stop, too, because I'm afraid that I'm going to somehow influence young Charles and he'll grow to subsist only on Cheetos and Twix bars. And don't we all want our kids to be better than we were?

 2. I love powder cheese. I know it's disgusting and loaded with chemicals and likely part of the reason that I can't focus on anything for more than five seconds, but I love it. I love licking it off of my fingers, I love Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, and I love the Doritos Loco taco from Taco Bell. Admitting this on the internet feels akin to admitting that I bite my toenails or something (I do not bite my toenails). Is there some kind of support group for this?

3. I've been sick since Saturday, which sucks in regular life but super sucks in life with an infant. I want to just lie in bed with my dog and take one nap after another, but I now have a wee babe that I have to keep alive, and he's not too keen on letting me take naps. Also, I really don't want to get him sick, and short of just washing my hands a bunch and trying my best not to breathe on him, I don't know how to keep him from my germs. Oh, and we had to stop playing our latest favorite game, Miami Cannibal. Babies love when you pretend to eat their faces.

4. Made these cookies. They were really good, but more work than I feel like a cookie should be.

[source]

5. Want to see the cutest baby you've ever seen in his new favorite contraption? Okay!

6. I feel like Mitch and I need to go on a little vacation by ourselves. We haven't had a lot of good quality time together lately, and it makes me sad.

7. Matt and I haven't tried a new dinner recipe in a while. We feel like we're doing well by actually cooking dinner regularly instead of just going out, so we're not beating ourselves up about it or anything, but I'd really like a new dinner. This peanut chicken looks pretty tasty, doesn't it?

8. School's out on Friday! It's weird this year, though, because I'm torn about summer. On one hand, I can't wait. On the other, I am kind of afraid of returning home to babyland for two months. I wish that I could still go to work, except that I would only have like 2 students at a time, and that the workday would be from about 10:00-1:00. And I would like to get paid twice as much, while we're at it. How can I make this happen?

9. Want cake. Now.

10. Also, Matt and I are both in love with Adam from Girls.

11.  Babies love ribs.

12. Babies also love hats.  They love the hat even more if the hat features a pirate octopus.

Perfect Day, Danger Cookie

I have an inkling that I’ve got some cranky, uncomfortable, sleep-deprived, psychotic days coming in the next few months, so before those moments rear their ugly heads, I’d like to take a hot second to talk about how perfect yesterday was. 

First, I actually got out of bed ten minutes earlier than usual. (BANANAS! for someone who gets up only 15 minutes before walking out the door each morning.) So I got to work just a little earlier, which made everything seem just a little bit less rushed. I taught lessons that I really love teaching, and my students were well-behaved and pleasant, and I even found a super cool article about mass hysteria on the same day that I was about to start The Crucible! I got five new students in one of my classes, which would usually be something that would make me curse the scheduling gods, except that these all came from an overflowing honors class, and in their first day they completely changed the dynamic of my class for the better. Shoot yeah! I even had a big slice of chocolate cake for lunch, which must have had some magical motivational properties because I also got every single one of my papers graded and recorded.

When I got home, I discovered that my sweet husband had gotten off of work early and opened all of the windows in the house because it was 74 freaking degrees outside! I sat down to eat a potato chip sandwich* and catch up on my Words with Friends games and couldn’t wipe the goofy smile off of my face as I looked around at my clean house , the curtains blowing ever-so-slightly from the breeze outside. My little baby wolf was cute as could be, cuddled up on the couch with his dad, and sensing, I’m pretty sure, that it was the eve of his birthday. So I took him to the dog park where he smiled and ran and smelled stuff and tried to have his way with a German shepherd**. On the way there I talked to one of my favorite ladies (who also played a role in this perfect day) and was reminded of just how much I love my friends.

We returned home, relaxed, ate dinner at an hour that is befitting for normal humans, and watched Top Chef. I remembered that I’d bought myself some very cozy full-panel maternity yoga pants way back in September, so I dug them out (I know, I know, you can hardly handle the sexy) and pretended to kick Matt in the face, telling him that never again would he see a pregnant woman kick that high in the air. (He said to be careful that the baby didn’t shoot out.) And after wanting something sweet, then deciding to go to Wendy’s, then deciding not to go to Wendy’s and to eat grapes instead because I don't need to indulge every single fatbody craving that I ever have just because I am pregnant , I stumbled upon this recipe for Peanut Butter Bacon Cookies on the ol’ Pinterest, and thirty minutes later we were inhaling the salty sweet goodness.**

I know it’s not the most exciting thing for you to read the play-by-play of someone else’s day, but I wanted to document yesterday’s perfection so that I can go back and read about it next time I’m feeling like my body and mind have been inhabited by Satan himself.

But here’s something for you to make up for the syrupy diary-like entry.

Peanut Butter Bacon Cookies. OM-effing-G. Matt and I have decided that these should actually be called Danger Cookies**** because they’re so ridiculously quick and easy to make, and they’re, um, out of control delicious. (And gluten free, too, I think, which I don’t care about but maybe other people do.) I think I’m going to make some for my doctor and then I'll tell them that if he doesn't eat them, I will.  And then when he goes absolutely apeshit eating them I’ll call him a cow.  Ha.

Now, if you'll please excuse me, I have to go celebrate my firstborn's 8th birthday with him on this, oh shoot, 81 degree afternoon.  EIGHTY ONE DEGREES!  I can never live anywhere with a real winter again.




*Maybe this wasn’t the healthiest eating day that’s ever been?


**Totally acceptable behavior on the eve of one’s birth.


***After I had two cookies, I did have those grapes, because woman cannot survive on chocolate cake and potato chip sandwiches and peanut butter bacon cookies alone.


****Um, If I had a secret service codename I would want it to be Danger Cookie.

My New Favorite Chocolate Cake

So, I haven't really been baking much lately because my doctor says that I'm a fat cow.  Well, he doesn't say that so much as he says that pregnant women shouldn't eat sugar and blah blah while he wags his finger in my face and rattles off a list of all of the things I can't eat, a list that could also be titled "Mandy's Favorite Foods."  Shoot.  And then he calls me a cow.*

But I really miss baking, so when I needed a gigantic favor from a coworker last week, I didn't hesitate to try to bribe her with baked goods.  And it worked!  I was figuring that I'd whip up my favorite vanilla cake of all time, but my plan was derailed when she said, after granting my request, "I like chocolate."  And here's the thing: I don't really understand chocolate.  (I know, I know, I'm a dirty blasphemer.  Sorry.)  I have the recipe for the Back in the Day Bakery chocolate cake, but it is a really expensive cake to make (like $15+ just in ingredients), and in addition to being a dirty blasphemer, I'm also cheap.  Then I remembered that I'd seen Smitten Kitchen's recipe for Chocolate Butter Cake recently, and figured I'd give that one a whirl.  I had almost all of the ingredients on-hand already, the process seemed pretty simple, and the recipe had received rave reviews.

So I made the cake and it was the bee's knees.  It did take about 15 minutes longer than Deb had said it would to bake, which could have been either because I was using 8" round pans instead of 8" square pans, or just differences in our ovens.  Other than that, though, the cake was super easy to make.  Of course, it did use coffee, which I had to google how to make because I do not know how to make coffee.  (Some of you are probably unfriending me right now.  No coffee and no chocolate?  WTF?  Here's another: I don't eat seafood.)

Then I faced the task of finding a chocolate icing, another thing I really don't understand.  I went with this Chocolate Buttercream recipe, which was also pretty simple to make and used cocoa powder instead of chocolate that I would have to melt.  I wasn't crazy about the icing when I tasted it by itself, but when it was paired with the cake, it was divine--creamy and sweet, and a tiny bit salty.  The icing really had the best texture. Oh, and the recipe made enough icing to frost the entire huge cake, which was awesomepants.

And the finished product smelled amazing.  Last night after Matt and I ate [a pretty healthy] dinner, we were both sitting around wanting dessert.  So we did some quality assurance testing and cut right into the cake that I was supposed to take to my coworker.  Oops!  How else would I know it wasn't poisonous, though?  You're not supposed to poison coworkers after they help you out.  We were protecting her.  Yeah, that's it.

So, if you're in need of a chocolate cake recipe, I'd recommend this one.  Do you have a favorite chocolate cake recipe?

Smitten Kitchen's Chocolate Butter Cake
Savory Sweet Life's Chocolate Buttercream Frosting


*He never called me a cow.  

This and That

1.  Made a birthday cake for my teacher friend's mom's 95th birthday this week.  She wanted caramel icing, which I'd never made and was, quite frankly, a little afraid of.  I used this recipe, and it took a while.  But that was okay, because I had Brothers & Sisters streaming the whole time.  And apparently the icing was exactly what they wanted.  Shoot yeah!

2.  Also, I am completely out of Brothers & Sisters episodes.  I don't know what makes me more sad--that I don't have any more episodes to watch, or that I spent days of my life watching like 110 episodes of that show.  But, since it's over, I need something new.  I'm trying out Parenthood, and I've ordered season 1 of Six Feet Under.  It needs to be something I haven't seen already because I need it to to keep me interested during ellipting, but it can't be too brainy (looking at you, The Wire) because I also want to watch it as a precursor to nap. Any suggestions?

3.  Oh, also, while I was making caramel icing, I was on the step where I had to melt sugar in a cast iron skillet.  I know caramel can be temperamental, and I didn't want it to burn, so while the sugar was bubbling, I decided to stick my finger right in it to check if it tasted burnt.  Yeah, that felt good.  Blast sure is learning some interesting language now, isn't he?  So I've been spending some time nursing my poor finger lately.

4.  Totes did some home repair work last weekend in the guest room/nursery.  I read in a book that you're not supposed to feed your baby a diet of paint chips, so something needed to be done.  Well, shoot.  So there was scraping and sanding and hole-filling and sanding again and painting and curtain rod and new curtain hanging. Now the room looks clean and inviting instead of like some evil alien lair.

5.  Remember how I went all bananas for my Tempurpedic travel pillow?  Well, I lost it for a while, but found it under our bed last weekend while cleaning.  Then, a couple of mornings ago, I woke up to find that Mitch had snagged my pillow and was using it.  I guess we need to get a new one?  Also, what kind of spoiled dog needs a Tempurpedic pillow?

6.  Started a youtube playlist at school because they blocked Pandora.  I added the 500 Days of Summer theme song to my list, but when it started playing, it played Patrick Swayze's "She's Like the Wind."  Well if that isn't a wonderful Friday surprise, what is? She leads me to moonlight, only to burn me with the sun!

7.  I think I might be starting to look actually pregnant instead of just pregnant with garlic bread and sandwiches.  My jeans still fit and stuff, but I think there might be a little bit of a uterus lump now.  Anyway, yesterday I went to try on some of the maternity jeans that Ann gifted me (thanks, Ann!), and I realized that they were insanely comfortable.  I mean, they were basically all of the comfort of pajama jeans, but with the look of actual jeans!  So I wore them, and I slept in them, and I haven't really taken them off since yesterday.  Is it appropriate to wear maternity jeans for the rest of my life?

8.  Oh, also, my face has broken out like a sombitch.  My skin hasn't looked this bad since I was in ninth grade, before I realized that I can't use soap on it.  And this really pisses me off because in my special deal with the universe I got a few things: a decent level of intelligence (ignore the incident from #3), good hand-eye coordination, manageable hair, and nice skin.  And now, since I've been hosting Blast, my face looks like the before picture in a Proactiv ad.  This is some bull jive, universe!  We're in a fight.

9.  Don't forget to vote for the Savannah Humane Society!  Mitch thanks you!

May your week be free from injuries and full of candy!

This and That

1. I didn't wear real clothes at all today.  Didn't change out of pajamas until almost 6:00 p.m., changed into ellipting clothes, and then back into pajamas.  My god, I love summertime.

2.  Matt and I watched like 15 episodes of Parks & Recreation today.  My god, I love that show.  I also had a really amazing idea to get an lcd projector and project images onto the ceiling so that I can lie in bed and watch tv and movies.  Are you jealous that wasn't your idea?

3.  The other day I was driving down our street and had to slam on the brakes because I almost hit a rooster.  And this isn't like when I was in high school and would look out of the windows and see cows and stuff.  Like, we live in the city.  Why was there a rooster on my street?  And why hasn't he been waking us up in the morning?

4.  Totally made corn ice cream this weekend to make this thing I saw in the July Martha Stewart Living that was all homemade biscuit, blueberry compote (totally just accidentally typed compost--compote and compost are very different) and sweet corn ice cream.  The recipe intrigued me, and I finally made it today.  The bad news: the dessert was a little weird. (Not bad, but weird.  Who knows, though?  Maybe Matt will go bananas for it?)  The good news: I know how to make biscuits now.  Oh, also corn ice cream is a little freaky (as you likely already thought to yourself).  I now finally understand just how some people feel about buttered popcorn flavored Jelly Belly jelly beans.  For the record, though, I love buttered popcorn flavored Jelly Belly jelly beans.  I also really like saying "buttered popcorn flavored Jelly Belly jelly beans."

Mitch also loves biscuits.

5.  Hit up the farmer's market at Forsyth Park this weekend, finally.  It's only on Saturdays, and I used to work Saturdays, so I'd never been.  It was just delightful, and I walked away with blueberries, a 5-lb. bag of peaches, and some bread and handmade cheese that I bought from this guy who was dressed like a Roman (like an old-timey Roman, not a modern-day Roman--but really what do I know?  I've never been to Rome).  So anyway, over the course of the afternoon and evening, I ate the entire loaf of bread, the entire ball of cheese (OMG WHY WAS IT SO GOOD??), and the entire five pounds of peaches.  I thought I was going to die, or at least throw up.  But then I was all, "Oh, shoot, if I throw up does that mean that I have an eating disorder" and then I remembered that I'd just eaten  more food than a family of six would eat in a weekend, which is probably an eating disorder in itself.  No, I didn't barf, but I did lie on the couch whining to Shecky about what a gross glutton I'd been, wishing that I had an lcd projector that was projecting movies  (or perhaps old episodes of 90210) onto the ceiling.

I want to eat you, ball of cheese.

Well, I actually have real grown-up tasks to complete tomorrow, not the least of which will be putting on actual clothes and going out in public.  But, before that happens, I totally need to figure out how to watch all of season 3 of Parks & Recreation on the internet.  On my ceiling.  I've got big dreams, people.

Weekend Fun

I'm starting to enter into that part of the summer where I need other people to remind me that it's the weekend.  Shoot yeah!  And I've been spending the last few days being grossly, disgustingly lazy and gluttonous.  For serious.  

In other news, the new season of Teen Mom is on (OMG SO MUCH ANGER!  WOULD IT BE SO WRONG TO PUT BIRTH CONTROL IN THE WATER??) and True Blood is fun.  I also mopped all of the floors in the house.  It's embarrassing how infrequently that task gets completed.  Oh well.  It's fun to walk around the house with bare feet--at least until the next thunderstorm rolls in.  (Annnnnnd. . .we've officially bored the beejeezus out of the blog readers.)  

Aside from eating ungodly amounts of food, watching Parks & Recreation on Netflix instant, and working, albeit slowly, to cross off everything on my giant to-do list, not much has been happening around here.  It's not been terribly exciting (except for that time we saw a spider get a beetle in its web!), but it's been pretty nice.  I've found that I'll usually choose nice over exciting, anyway.

 Buffalo chicken salad--favorite summertime somewhat healthy meal.

Found an awesome milk glass vase at Goodwill for a dollar!

 Crazy ice creaming.

Singing songs.

 Discovery channel at the Carport Bistro!

 Matt Kung Paoing it up!

So Southern you can't even stand it. 

Time for True Blood!

Happy week to you!  May you forget what day it is!

Freaky Friday

So, the other day I was tackling projects on my overly ambitious two-page big orange to-do list, and because I'd rolled my ankle on the elliptical* I was trying to do as many of the tasks as I could from my perch on the couch.**  One of these tasks was to go through all of our food magazines from the past year and to rip out recipes we'd like to try.  Because I've put off this task for ONE YEAR.  Mother effer.

So while I was lying on the couch holding feet with my pup and being a generally worthless human being, I came across this recipe for what seemed like a pretty dynamite cookie.  Oatmeal AND pecans AND chocolate chips?  Um, okay!  Let's do it!

And I told Matt about the recipe and I was all excited about it and Matt was basically all, "Oatmeal!?  Bleck!" and then I remembered that Matt hates oatmeal.  When he tried my homemade oatmeal creme pies (which were really, really, really fantastic!) a few weeks back he basically spit them out  in my face***.  Oh, that Matt.  Guess he wasn't going to be my cookie-eating partner this time.

So after I healed my ankle this weekend with a secret healing potion (gin and ribs), I decided that I was going to make these cookies and maybe I'd just mail them to people or give them to the neighbors or something.  And I was all excited and Matt was all "meh" and I set out to making them.

Then, when the bowl was licked and the cookies were baked, I tried one.  And then I was all, "meh"!  I thought they needed more salt (at least twice as much) and that they could've used some cinnamon or nutmeg, too.  And then Matt came in the kitchen and asked how they were.  I expressed my disappointment with the cookies, and he kind of shrugged in that way that said, "What'd you expect when you made a lamesville oatmeal cookie?"  And then he said, "Are they really that bad?" and he tried one.

And then he tried another.

And then another.

Every time I'd turn around Matt would be eating another cookie!  He was raving about them.

So, basically, we've got some crazy Freaky Friday shit going on here.

You should make these cookies if you like oatmeal cookies, or if you don't like oatmeal cookies, apparently.  Do not make these cookies if you are allergic to pecans, because that would be just foolish.  Oh, but if you do make these cookies, double the salt and add 1/4 teaspoon of cinnamon to them.  I think they'll be better that way.

*I am stupid.


**Perhaps I subconsciously rolled my ankle accidentally ON PURPOSE because I didn't want to do projects or clean the house anymore and instead I just wanted to lie on the couch and eat tortilla chips.


***Gross exaggeration.  He actually just took one bite, made a kind of weird face, and then put the cookie down.

Blueberry Pie Bars and Other Fun Potluck Recipes

A couple of weeks ago, I went to my little slice of Savannah heaven, Back in the Day Bakery, and had what I think might have been the most delicious dessert I've ever had from there (for serious!), a blueberry pie bar.  I ate it TWO WEEKS AGO and I've been thinking about it ever since.  And then I was all, "Oh, shoot.  I totally have this recipe," when I remembered that I'd attended Cheryl's baking class back in the fall.  (I actually made them with blackberries way back when, which was also out of control with deliciousness.)  Then blueberries were on sale at Publix, and it was basically like the universe was telling me that if I didn't make them, bad things would happen.

Oh, fine, universe, twist my arm.

I even messed these up (butter too soft, forgot to let the bottom crust cool after par-baking, overcooked one corner) and they're still amazing.  And, they look very Americana to me.  For some reason, ever since I started making them, I haven't been able to get that "America, F*%$ Yeah!" song out of my head.  (Don't click on that, Grandma.  You'll be offended and then mad at me.  xoxo.  But do make these bars to share with your new neighbors.)

I think these bars would be a great thing to take to a picnic or potluck this weekend, plus they're super easy to make.  And here are some links (minus pictures because that'll take me like 2 hours to do for some reason--"There's  no time!  There's never any time!"  Actually, I've got plenty of time, I just don't feel like it.)

Blueberry Pie Bars (or cherry, or peach, or blackberry, or whatever fruit you'd like), from Cheryl the Baking Goddess

For the crust and topping
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
3 sticks unsalted butter cut into cubes (room temperature)

For the fruit filling
4 large eggs at room temperature
2 cups sugar
1 cup sour cream at room temperature
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
pinch of salt
2 16-ounce packages frozen blueberries (or whatever fruit you choose), defrosted and drained

Directions
1. Preheat oven to 350.

2. Line a 9 x 13 inch baking pan with parchment (or spray with Pam).  In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, combine the flour, sugar, and salt.  Turn mixer on low until completely mixed.  Add cubed butter a little at a time until mixture looks dry and crumbly.  Set aside 1 1/2 cups and reserve for crumb topping.  Press the rest of the mixture into the lined pan.  Par-bake the crust for 12-15 minutes until lightly golden.  Let cool at least 10 minutes.

3. To make the filling, whisk together flour, sugar, and salt in a large bowl.  Add eggs and sour cream until combined (be gentle!).  Gently fold in the blueberries.  Spoon the filling over the crust.  Sprinkle reserved crumb topping evenly on top of the filling.

4. Bake for 45-55 minutes until the top is golden brown and bubbly.  Cool at least an hour to cut into bars, or scoop out warm and serve with ice cream.

Other Fun Recipes for a Potluck

Ribs!

Pork Rub (also very good on chicken)

Fancy Hot Dogs

Vanilla Bean Cake

Blueberry Cheesecake Ice Cream (only if you're going somewhere with a freezer)

Rosemary Chicken Salad

Grilled Wings

Guinness Steak

Boston Butt

Thomas Jefferson's Vanilla Ice Cream (OMG, you should totally make the blueberry pie bars and serve them with this!  Or I should!)

Strawberry Shortcake Cookies

How do you plan to celebrate America's birthday?

This and That

Hey, before you do anything else, go to my reviews page and enter to win a $100 HomeGoods gift card!  All you have to do is enter a comment and you're entered to win!


1.  Cassie spends the night at our house once a week now so that she doesn't have to stay in a hotel when she comes to the SAV for work.   We call it Sleepover Tuesday, or ST.  Every week we say that this will be the week that we don't drink wine.  And then, inevitably, every week we find some reason that we need to drink wine (like, "Wine is delicious" or "I had to go to work today.")  So, with every ST, there seems to be a HW.  Shooooot.  This week, though--BECAUSE WE'RE AWESOME!--we managed to imbibe responsibly.  You know it's sad when the content of your email exchange during the day is just self-praise for not being hungover.

2.  I will never learn which ones are the high def channels.  Matt insists that they're actually easier to learn, but, hey, I'm an old dog.  And it wasn't terribly convincing when he tried to point out the difference between high def and non-high def by using MSNBC's Lockup.

3.  Also, who the hell watches Lockup?  Couldn't MSNBC make more money showing reruns of Friends or something?

4.  Slate is totally making me self-conscious about my overuse of the dash.  F you, Slate!  Just for that, I will keep reading you all day every day.  And I will use more dashes than ever.  And fragments.  (And parentheses.)

5.  I've been an ellipting fool lately.  It's a good thing, too, because I quit Weight Watchers a couple of weeks ago.  I figured that since I quit my second job, I didn't need to be spending $40/month just to feel more guilty about eating cake and ice cream.

6.  Seven more days of school with my kiddies!

7.  Brag time.  Totally whipped up a cake on the fly for Iris's pre-birthday celebration last night.  And it was, um, out of control delicious, and beautiful.  Cassie had the idea to swirl Iris's favorite colors in the batter, and then she made an i stencil for the top.  It was a completely last-minute decision to even make the cake, and it ended up being just lovely.  And we didn't have any birthday candles, but we did have a tall hot pink taper candle that Iris jammed into the cake.  Two years ago I didn't even know that vegetable shortening could go bad (it can, by the way, especially if it's been in your pantry for five years), and now I'm just baking a cake from scratch in less time than it takes to watch an episode of True Blood.  So proud!

Hope your Thursday is the bee's knees!  Thursday's going to be a doozy here.  I'm already thinking about my Friday afternoon nap.