This and That

1. I didn't wear real clothes at all today.  Didn't change out of pajamas until almost 6:00 p.m., changed into ellipting clothes, and then back into pajamas.  My god, I love summertime.

2.  Matt and I watched like 15 episodes of Parks & Recreation today.  My god, I love that show.  I also had a really amazing idea to get an lcd projector and project images onto the ceiling so that I can lie in bed and watch tv and movies.  Are you jealous that wasn't your idea?

3.  The other day I was driving down our street and had to slam on the brakes because I almost hit a rooster.  And this isn't like when I was in high school and would look out of the windows and see cows and stuff.  Like, we live in the city.  Why was there a rooster on my street?  And why hasn't he been waking us up in the morning?

4.  Totally made corn ice cream this weekend to make this thing I saw in the July Martha Stewart Living that was all homemade biscuit, blueberry compote (totally just accidentally typed compost--compote and compost are very different) and sweet corn ice cream.  The recipe intrigued me, and I finally made it today.  The bad news: the dessert was a little weird. (Not bad, but weird.  Who knows, though?  Maybe Matt will go bananas for it?)  The good news: I know how to make biscuits now.  Oh, also corn ice cream is a little freaky (as you likely already thought to yourself).  I now finally understand just how some people feel about buttered popcorn flavored Jelly Belly jelly beans.  For the record, though, I love buttered popcorn flavored Jelly Belly jelly beans.  I also really like saying "buttered popcorn flavored Jelly Belly jelly beans."

Mitch also loves biscuits.

5.  Hit up the farmer's market at Forsyth Park this weekend, finally.  It's only on Saturdays, and I used to work Saturdays, so I'd never been.  It was just delightful, and I walked away with blueberries, a 5-lb. bag of peaches, and some bread and handmade cheese that I bought from this guy who was dressed like a Roman (like an old-timey Roman, not a modern-day Roman--but really what do I know?  I've never been to Rome).  So anyway, over the course of the afternoon and evening, I ate the entire loaf of bread, the entire ball of cheese (OMG WHY WAS IT SO GOOD??), and the entire five pounds of peaches.  I thought I was going to die, or at least throw up.  But then I was all, "Oh, shoot, if I throw up does that mean that I have an eating disorder" and then I remembered that I'd just eaten  more food than a family of six would eat in a weekend, which is probably an eating disorder in itself.  No, I didn't barf, but I did lie on the couch whining to Shecky about what a gross glutton I'd been, wishing that I had an lcd projector that was projecting movies  (or perhaps old episodes of 90210) onto the ceiling.

I want to eat you, ball of cheese.

Well, I actually have real grown-up tasks to complete tomorrow, not the least of which will be putting on actual clothes and going out in public.  But, before that happens, I totally need to figure out how to watch all of season 3 of Parks & Recreation on the internet.  On my ceiling.  I've got big dreams, people.

Banana Puddin' Pops!

Very important facts about The Cosby Show and my own life.

1.  When I was younger, we always had cats.  My parents never bothered to get our boy cats fixed, and they would always run away after like 6 months.  We named every single one of these boy cats Bill, after Bill Cosby.  So we had like 8 consecutive cats named Bill.  My little brother began to believe that every animal was called a Bill, so he'd do things like point at a squirrel outside and yell out, "Bill!  Bill!

2.  I do a really good Bill Cosby face.  Or  not.

3.  Our fake restaurant waiting for a table name is Huxtable.  Totally stole that from Best Friend, and it makes me giggle every time.

4.  When I was in college, I submitted a picture of myself to Nick at Nite to "Be the Bug."  The "bug" is the tiny little logo in the bottom corner of a TV screen.  For about 15 minutes on one glorious June night in 2003, my mug was the bug--and it was during an episode of The Cosby Show.  

5.  One of the reasons that I think Matt and I should have kids is so that we can make them do song and dance routines on the stairs, a la the Huxtable children.

6.  Theo is my favorite Huxtable kid.  Denise is my least favorite.  And "least favorite" is an understatement because I effing hate Denise.

7.  I LOVE PUDDING POPS!

I mean, is there anything better that the frozen silkiness of a pudding pop?  So last week when I knew my bananas were about to become overripe (WTF? Why can't I ever manage to eat all of the bananas before they go bad?), I was inspired--you know, like by a beam of light and angelic voices--to make myself some banana pudding. . .pops!  (Also, I'd bought these awesome popsicle holders in Target's dollar spot a few weeks back.)

There are probably like seven billion different recipes for banana puddin', and I'm waiting until Back in the Day Bakery Cheryl's cookbook comes out before I commit to just one.  When I make banana puddin', all I do is make vanilla pudding and add some sliced bananas and Nilla Wafers.  And I always add about twice as many Nilla Wafers as I'm supposed to because my love for Nilla Wafers is as intense as my hatred for Denise Huxtable.

For these particular pops, I made this vanilla pudding, added the bananas (like 3) and wafers (like 1/4 of a bag or so), and then froze the pudding in the popsicle holders.  Ridiculously simple.  Come over and help me eat them!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go watch the entire series of The Cosby Show on Netflix instant.  

Look Familiar?

Recognize this place?

The first person to get it right wins a shiny prize.  

Slightly Classier than Dan Conner

A conversation between Dan and Fred on the critically acclaimed television show, Roseanne.

Fred: Dan, these christmas lights are pretty tangled. Why don't you just buy a new string?

Dan: That'd be a fairly large investment, Fred.

Fred: Why didn't you take the time last year and put those things away carefully?

Dan: Like that's how I want to spend my Easter Sunday.

Well, party people, I finally did it--I took down the Christmas lights.  And it's not even Easter! (Granted, Easter is kind of late this year, but still.)  So, the lights that basically told all of our neighbors that we are fun (if not a little, um, unsophisticated) and cool are gone for now.  And the lanterns that have been packed away in a box because they were too ratty and faded and full of bees have made a comeback.  Here's the skinny.

It's home improvement season here at M Cubed*, and I've got myself a big ol' long list of tasks to complete.  One of them was to save myself some cash by rehabilitating the lanterns in the Carport Bistro.  I'm cheap, and I didn't want to pay $40 for more just because of some silly little bee nests and faded colors.

So I turned to spraypaint. And I'm really pleased with how they turned out.

Aren't they pretty?  I just hope the lizards still like them.



*What is it with me and the early '90s ABC sitcom references today?  Oh man, don't even get me started on Coach or Full House.**
 
**Also, this wasn't an ABC sitcom I don't think, but my students don't get Saved by the Bell references.  If that doesn't make you feel old, then I don't know what will.  Are you sufficiently depressed?***
 
***Also, this has nothing to do with TV shows from the early '90s, really, but yesterday I overheard one of my students say that Elvis died in a snowboarding accident.  Ha!

This and That

1.  If Richard Blais doesn't win Top Chef All-Stars, then I will never watch that show again.  If Richard Blais loses to Mike Isabella, then I will never watch TV again.  Mike Isabella is so skeezy!

2.  There is a handful of movies that I will watch every time I see them on TV.  This list includes, but is not limited to: Groundhog Day, Father of the Bride (parts I and II), Forgetting Sarah Marshall, A River Runs Through It, and the first Sex and the City movie*.  Slate had a pretty cool article recently about what makes a movie re-watchable.  What movies can you watch over and over?

3.  Operation: Skinny Unicorn is going pretty well.  I have been eating much better (and much less!) lately, and have been feeling pretty good.  I say that now.  Last week I might have had a tantrum where I just kept telling Matt, "I'M HUNGRY!"  while throwing my body around like Paul Rudd's character Andy on Wet Hot American Summer.  Maybe I then threw myself on my bed and cried for several minutes and was just a big baby? 

This week has been much better, and I'm determined to win, because I need some new shoes.  Check out my favorite school shoes.

4.  I have tomorrow off of school because it's St. Patrick's Day.  Isn't that awesome?  And Friday is a teacher workday.  Unfortunately, I won't see a ninth grader until Monday.  Oh, shoot.

5.  Modern Family needs to come back with some new episodes.  I'm going through withdrawal!

6.  I've been completely obsessed lately with watching Brothers and Sisters on Netflix instant.  Why is it so good?  Also, it's kind of terrible, and the writing is the worst, but I love it anyway. 

7.  Mitch is still the cutest dog on the planet.

8.  I only have ten more days of my twenties.  That's freaky.

9. I want this flying car.

10. This week Matt and I went over to the dark side; we joined Sam's Club.  You don't have to scold me, but you can judge away.  And then be jealous of the 30-pack of awesome sweet and salty granola bars that we have in our pantry.

*I actually hate the Sex and the City movie, but am, for some god-forsaken reason, completely unable to tear myself away from it--especially the part where Carrie asks, after she was stood up by Big (except not really stood up--she's just crazy), "Will I ever laugh again?"  I really hate that movie, and should institute some sort of punishment for myself each time I watch it.  But isn't watching the movie punishment enough?

I Swear I Didn't Plan It!

So, I've been trying to get Matt to let me put a TV in our bedroom for about four years.

But Matt forbids it.

He says that if I have a TV in the bedroom, I will never leave the bedroom. 

And, well, I can't really argue with that. So I don't push the issue.

Now let's switch gears a bit.  Matt and I also never get money back from our taxes.  What we get back from federal we always seem to owe to state, so it's always a wash. 

But this year we did.  It wasn't anything too crazy, but it was enough that we thought it would be okay to buy ourselves a present or two.  Last Sunday, I dragged Matt to Target because I wanted to look for the complete series of Six Feet Under (birthday gift idea!).  As he does every time he walks into my home away from home, he made a b-line for the back to look at the TVs.  We've been wanting a nicer TV for our guest room for a while now, but it was just never much of a priority.  But there were a bunch on sale, and about 15 minutes after walking into Target, we were walking out of Target with a new 32-inch baby.  Fair enough.

So we set it up in the guest room, on top of the new Expedit.  Truth be told, the new TV was supposed to help with us losing weight (because I can rationalize any purchase with "it will help me to lose weight") because we could put the Wii in there and stream Netflix instant, which would make us (and by us I mean me, because Matt is an ellipting addict already) want to work out more.

Now here's the part I didn't count on.  We have a really comfortable bed in the guest room. 

Uh oh.

This has been my view for the last few days.

Mitch loves it, too.

So, anyway, I subconsciously manipulated my husband into doing what I want.  And I'm pretty pleased with myself.



If you need me, or Mitch, you know where to find us.

Wrong Number

For some reason, I often find myself in situations where I'm privy to weirdly private information about others.  Remember the Wild Tiger, Lion Heart note? 

Well, lately, I've been receiving some text messages that were supposed to go to someone else.  But because the writer of said messages does not pay attention to detail--or can't spot it when someone's giving them a fake number--I get to have some entertainment.

Last night I got this message:

Just so you know newman is an always will be my life.  I swear an i mean swear i never wanted to hurt him.  That man has saved me so much.  I love him an always will.

This Newman?

I'm not gonna lie to you: I thought it was pretty funny.  And I thought for about two seconds about texting back or calling the person to tell them that they have the wrong number, but I decided not to.

And then today I got this message:

You may not wanna talk to me because you think i lied to you well i didnt.  When newman started to hit me pull my hair an tell me he will kill me yeah i did something bout that.

Winona Thelma Feldmann!

And now I'm really torn about whether or not I should let this person know they've got the wrong number.  On one hand, I feel bad for them.  On the other, I think it best to stay out of this crazy Newman business.

What would you do?

An Oldie but a Goodie

Stumbled across this old episode of The Cosby Show, and couldn't help but to watch the whole thing.

And, shut the front door! Does Claire Huxtable really have THREE Le Creuset dutch ovens?






And, a quick survey. Who is your favorite Cosby kid?

Boys Becoming Men. . .

I'm getting pretty pumped because this time tomorrow, Matt and I will transform into these two.

Will you excuse me as I fashion a yarmulke from a paper plate and some fabric? 

If you're bored, just listen to the full-length version of my current favorite song.

What are you being for Halloween?

Fetish?

I still can't decide if I think this commercial is funny or not.



How many lizards has she had sex with?  Gross.

What We're Watching

Matt and I are unapologetic TV addicts.  Fortunately for us, the quality of television shows has increased tremendously in the last decade or so, so we can be entertained by smart, beautiful programming.  And then, of course, there's Teen Mom.

Anyway, here's what we've been watching lately:

1.  Football.  This one's more Matt than me.  He watches and I provide commentary.  For example, when one of the refs threw a flag during the Bills game this afternoon, I hollered, "Ooooooh, someone's in trouble!"  Then I fell asleep for four hours.  Oh well.

[source]

2.  Boardwalk Empire.  Ooh, what a pretty and smart show!  We are both really enjoying the glimpse into Atlantic City during prohibition.  Martin Scorcese and HBO?  Yes, please.  We're an episode behind, though, because every time we go to watch it I fall asleep.  Oops.  (Also, don't make old timey Omar kill your ass.)

3.  The Office.  The new season of this old favorite has had a really strong start.  I think my favorite little storyline so far has been Pam creating herself an entirely new position.  I just got caught up with The Office because I'd fallen asleep during last week's episode.  Does anyone else think that I might have narcolepsy?

4.  30 Rock.  Another strong start to a season!  There's a special place in my heart for 30 Rock, and I'm still working on getting Matt to dress up as Werewolf Bar Mitzvah for Halloween.  I think the only way I'll get him to do it is to get in a big fight with him that is his fault, and to cry and then say that the only way he can make it up to me is to dress up for Halloween. 

5.  Modern Family.  This might just be my favorite show.  And while all of the characters are wonderful, I think Phil might just be my favorite.  (He's the most like Ross Gellar, I've decided.)

6. Amazing Race.  Even though this season's teams are pretty crappy, we're still watching.  I wish I'd chosen Kev Jumba and his dad, though.  I also wish there was a watermelon face smash on every episode!

7.  Teen Mom.  We've talked about this one a lot, and it's simultaneously the best and worst thing on TV right now.  I can't believe that the next episode is going to be the season finale!  Matt would like to point out that he does not watch this show, because he is above trash like this and prefers high brow entertainment, which you will discover with item number 10.

8.  The News.  I'm a little bit of a news junkie.  My favorite news show is Rachel Maddow.  Watching her show is educational and entertaining, and she's not a maniacal idealogue like some other hosts.  And she has Kent, and she's really tall, so that's good.

9.  Glee.  Just kidding.  We stopped watching that in the middle of last season.  I just couldn't make myself care anymore.

10.  Real World/Road Rules Challenge.  This season takes place in Prague, and the elimination battles happen in the "Gulag". As in, Brandon and Derrick will be facing off in The Gulag. WTF?  What's the next season going to be?  The Challenge: Auschwitz?  There was even a part where the players had to go into a gas chamber to read a clue.  One of the girls mentioned that she shouldn't go into the gas chamber because she has asthma and it would be unhealthy for her.  You know, because gas chambers are only bad for you if you have asthma.  Matt is more invested in this than I am, but I join him in watching it sometimes.  In the absence of Teen Mom, however, this show will serve me well.  It's just horrible enough and entertaining enough to make an hour of ellipting go by in a flash.

What are you watching?  Is there anything out there that we should be watching but aren't?

Teen Mom: A Rant

Tonight, I was discussing a recent television addiction, Teen Mom, with a friend who is an an avid watcher but would rather the whole world wide web not know of her affinity for trashy MTV reality television. (But I'll give you a hint: her name rhymes with sassy.  It's not really her fault, though.  I made her watch 16 and Pregnant, which is basically like giving a person heroin and wondering why they become a junkie.)

In case you don't watch Teen Mom (because, presumably, you have better things to do with your time or are too old and too mature to indulge in such smut), allow me to provide you a quick overview.  There are four teen moms (fancy that!) and we follow them as they try their hands at motherhood.  Actually, one of the teen moms gave her baby up for adoption (lucky little bastard dodged a real bullet on that one), so only three of the teen moms are actually raising kids. 

(Farrah and her mom)

First, there's Farrah.  She's the best looking of the teen moms featured, but as we all know, pretty doesn't equal smart.  Farrah let her baby fall off the bed, and on a recent episode she tried her hand at speed dating, where she learned a hard lesson: that she is no longer too good for anyone, including the weird guy who had some kind of kickboxing mantra tattooed on his arm in Thai.  Ouch!  Farrah also has some deep-rooted mommy issues, and could, in my opinion, stand to learn another tough lesson--that sometimes moms can be whorebags, and maybe they don't deserve a place in your life. 

(Maci)

Then there's Maci.  Maci isn't the cutest, but she seems to be the smartest (which isn't saying a whole lot, considering the competition).  She named her kid Bentley, a name that seems like it should be tattooed across a teenage boy's stomach.  Currently, she's dating a guy who looks like Landry from Friday Night Lights, only on steroids.  She is trying to get an education, though, so I guess I need to give her props for at least trying.

(Catelynn and her ridiculous boyfriend)

Next up, we have Catelynn.  I actually have fleeting moments where I pity Catelynn.  Her mom is even more of a maniacal see-you-next-Tuesday than Farrah's mom.  Catelynn's the one who put her baby up for adoption, and while I kind of admire that choice (I would have admired the choice to take birth control even more), I can only be sympathetic for so long.  I was especially annoyed with her when she had a second pregnancy scare.  And, am I wrong, or was she prom dress shopping at Fashion Bug?  I didn't even know Fashion Bug was still around.

(Amber)

And last--and least--there's Amber.  My god, I hate Amber.  Not only does she look like Elvira and Miss Piggy had a baby, but she's super super dumb to boot. (Like, was-crying-because-she-couldn't-pass-the- GED-practice-test dumb.)  And she's a bitch.  Seriously, this girl has zero redeeming qualities.  And her boyfriend!  Sometimes I wonder if Amber and her boyfriend are in some kind of contest with each other to be the most loathsome human being on the planet.  Watch out, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Sarah Palin--Amber and her baby daddy are a nippin' at your heels! 

(Amber and her boyfriend even got into a fight!  Was this before or after he cheated

on her with the girl he met in the diaper aisle at Wal-Mart?)

Anyway, I need to go donate our entire savings account to Planned Parenthood now.

Do you watch Teen Mom?