Oops! I Did It Again.

Knocked up again.

Due April 20.

Pretty sure it's a girl (if only because I want it to be a boy).

Yes, it was planned.

Yes, we are crazy.

More later.

Taking It Easy

Monday the nurse at my doctor's office (oh yeah, because my doctor is on f'ing vacation right now!) basically ordered me not to do anything until Saturday because we're holding out for Sunday when my doctor gets back.*  No cooking, no cleaning, no nothing.  I am allowed to go to work, but I'm to stay seated as much as possible.  So that's been fun.  Except that it hasn't.  I mean, I can lie around like a sloth with the best of 'em, but I really don't want anyone telling me that I have to.

So super husband Matt has been doting on me, fetching me drinks and handfuls of Reese's pieces (why did I think it wise to buy a 10-lb. bag of them?) and being fun and cooking awesome dinners.  Sweet snuggle pup has been sweet and snuggly. And since we rushed to compete every pre-baby task last week, I have nothing to do now except sit around and get fatter and ponder such depressing questions as, "Did my water break, or am I really just that bad at controlling my bladder?"**

I think this has been the longest week of my life.  For serious.  And it hasn't been bad necessarily.  Just boring.  And weird.  I'm trying to soak up and enjoy our last moments as a trio, and trying to not sully them by complaining about discomfort or boredom or the fact that I get too hot when I lie on the couch for 6 hours.  I'm also totally exploiting the fact that people answer the phone really quickly when I call because they think that I am calling to tell them that I am in labor.  

I've been working so hard at school to make sure that everything is in place that I just today realized that I have, at maximum 17 more days with students between now and August.  (!)  So that made me pretty happy.  Plus, Mad Men's coming back on Sunday, and The Hunger Games is coming out, and I got to teach "A Rose for Emily" today, and we'll have our boy soon!

And since only about 3 things fit me anymore because I'm as big as a wooly mammoth (though, thankfully, a little less hairy), I've been taking fashion cues from one Rachel Green.  I am basically wearing this outfit right now.  So you just look at her and pretend that that's me, because I'm pretty sure that there should be no actual  photo documentation of what I actually look like right now.

So, yeah, check back in later and maybe I won't be pregnant anymore.  That'd be nice.



*Which is actually good and fine, because that fits into my plan of having the baby on the 25th, and it works better with school and all of that other bull jive, but man oh man I sure would like to be finished being pregnant RIGHT NOW.

**Turns out it's the latter.  Also, I am a poet.

Two Down, One to Go

Today I am 28 weeks, which means that I'm officially in the third trimester.  So far I think I've been a little bit of a rock star of a knocked-up gal (excepting, of course, The Great Meltdown of December 30-31, 2011).  I've been exercising and eating better than I did before and not been the incarnate of Satan that Matt and I both feared that I would become in this condition.  Plus, I can still totally touch my palms to the ground from a standing position, so I'm proud of that.  

And tell me that these aren't just the cutest things you ever did see.  (Matt says I'm not allowed to try to put one on Mitch.  I say I wouldn't do that, duh, because there's no spot for a tail.  Plus, Mitch is housebroken.  Of course, it would be pretty cute.  Get me the scissors!)

I love everything in this picture.

  

There's so much to be excited about (meeting the boy, decorating a nursery), and so much to be annoyed by (seriously, strangers and students, do not touch me) or afraid of (for real though, I have to push what out of where?), and so much to be fascinated by (the boy can see light now--let the flashlight games commence!).  And after I rock the socks off of my glucose test on Monday, I'm going to go on an all cookies and cake and ice cream diet, which should definitely do its part to keep the baby (and me) from getting too gargantuan.  I'm basically a nutritionist.  

Oh, and on a related note, people are suddenly all interested in how fat I am, so here's a picture that I took in a mirror.  

Happy now?

Also, why is it so funny to do this?

Random person [who is probably about to try to touch me]: Oh, I didn't know you were pregnant!  When are you due?

Me: I'm not pregnant.  What makes you say that?

So funny I can't stand it.  

Haste Makes Dead

What the hell is this?*

Now, from what I understand, this is a movie about some girl who answers letters that are left in some courtyard in Verona, Italy.  Supposedly this is some Romeo and Juliet love courtyard, and these people leave letters seeking advice from Juliet about love.

Now this is my problem. 

Juliet is an idiot.

Romeo is an even bigger idiot.

She'd have been better off with Paris.

I read this play every year, several times a year, and every time I read it I hate these characters even more.  The work itself is fantastic, but Romeo and Juliet are just so grating with their stupidity and haste.  I'm kind of glad they die at the end. 

So, yeah, let's seek advice from Juliet, a fourteen-year-old who married a guy she met the night before, a guy who was madly in love with her cousin until he crashed a party and met her.  Oh yeah, and then he killed her cousin and got himself banished and then killed himself.  A real prize you've got there, Jules!

And you, Romeo?  Couldn't wait a hot minute, could you?  Dummy.

As you can tell, I'm a real romantic.  Or maybe I'm just reeling from the hours and hours of watching knocked up 16-year old pregnant morons.

*As much as I will kvetch about this movie and its premise, there is a 134% chance that I will watch it one Saturday night on HBO while Matt is working--just like I do with that damned Sex and the City movie (which I always pledge never again to watch when Carrie asks longingly "Will I ever laugh again?"  BARF!), Forgetting Sarah Marshall (which is actually good), or Center Stage (It was a one-night stand, Jodi!).

This and That

Life has been pretty slow around these parts, if only because my current obsession with watching 16 and Pregnant is rapidly causing my brain cells to evaporate.  (But, seriously?  What's wrong with these girls?  What's wrong with their parents?  What's wrong with their boyfriends?  WHY AREN'T WE SLIPPING BIRTH CONTROL INTO SCHOOL LUNCHES??)

So, unless you want to hear about adventures in grading papers (which is almost as bad for the brain as watching 16 and Pregnant) or doing laundry, then I really don't have much to share at this juncture.  Wouldn't be prudent.  

Here's what I've got:

• Got Cassie hooked on 16 and Pregnant as well.  Between the show and the insane commercials that aired throughout, Cassie felt like she was in an alternate universe.  It was pretty fun to watch. 
• Mitch is still the cutest thing of all time.  No surprises there.  He is currently snuggling with me on the couch.  He freaked out earlier today when I was watching 16 and Pregnant and one of the girls was screaming during her really painful contractions.
• I keep wanting to make those strawberry shortcake cookies again, but I'm afraid that I'll get as fat as those girls on 16 and Pregnant.
• Getting pretty excited about the return of The City and The Hills.  I love to ellipt during those shows; hell, they're almost as disturbing as 16 and Pregnant.
• I have a sore throat.  I think it's from yelling at the tv whilst watching 16 and Pregnant.

And I think I might actually be getting sick.  I've been taking my temperature frequently, using both of my thermometers.  I have two because Caitie sent me one after hearing me complain about how my thermometer was broken.  In truth, just because a thermometer does not say that I have a fever when I want proof of how sick I feel, it does not necessarily mean that the thermometer is broken.  Shit.

I should go now, though, because I've only got twenty minutes before the finale of 16 and Pregnant comes on. 

Have you watched this ingenius show?  Is there some meeting I can attend to help fight the addiction?