Sorry I touched your baby at Wal-Mart. . .

A gem from STFU Parents.

The thing is, I have to be drunk to be able to handle stepping foot into a Wal-Mart. I also have to be drunk to want to touch a [disgusting, screaming, snot-nosed, disease-carrying] baby.

Here's the aforementioned sign.

ARE YOU F'ING KIDDING ME? (P.S., I maintain that the reason that Matt and I are pretty healthy--with the exception of our being grossly fat--is that we don't use hand sanitizer or go nutty about germs. I've taken this even farther by refusing to shower and by allowing Mitch to wash all of our dishes. I'm sure I'll eat these words soon, and soon you'll be hearing about how we've all come down with The Swine.)

Matt's response: "Hey, and if you're a germaphobe, don't take your baby to the dirtiest place on the planet. . .'Oh, hey, we were at the dump and someone touched my baby!'"

Update

My apologies for the lack of posting this week. This is my last week before I must return to school, so I'm trying to enjoy my freedom, soaking up the last moments of August. But, in bullets, here is what we have been up to:

• Sleeping. We have been spending extraordinary amounts of time sleeping, even for us. We're not sick of sleep-deprived or anything--just lazy and big fans of long naps.
• Eating. We had Fresh Market steaks twice in a week.
• Dreaming. Actually, nightmaring. About an hour ago I was having a dream that a scary clown that I had openly mocked robbed a bank I was in, and then I had to escape with Ken Jennings from Jeopardy!.
• Snuggling. Unsurprisingly, Mitch remains the cutest dog on the planet.
• Watching TV. We're currently obsessed with Top Chef, Friday Night Lights, season 3 of Dexter, and True Blood.
• Eating. We're fat.
• Working. Booo. Where's my winning lottery ticket?
• Debating. Can Matt and Mandy be happy with parenthood if we have just one child?
• Decorating. I'm trying to make our office look like something that would not be a part of the set of The Wonder Years.
• Hosting. Matt's good friend came to visit this week. The visit was short, but very fun.
• Drinking. Too much.
• Nursing. Hangovers. PS--the bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich has become my hangover cure!

I may elaborate on some of these in the future. Have a happy Friday and a great weekend!

Another Post from Mitch

Hey, you guys. Sorry it's been so long since I've posted, but I've been really busy. I have a friend staying with me for a couple of weeks, so I've been, you know, entertaining. This is a picture of my friend. (He's the one in back, but sometimes I joke with him and tell him that he's a rat dog.) His name is Reilly, and we've been friends for a while now. He's fun most of the time.

Reilly is a little bit crazy. I mean, when I'm by myself I pretty much just eat and lay on the couch, but when Reilly is here it's all go all the time. I mean, Reilly, chill out sometimes! We play chase and take turns chasing each other. It's exhausting, but it's so fun. He used to try to hump me, but he's matured and he doesn't do that anymore. Plus, if he did, I would bite him.

We like to do a lot of the same stuff. We bark at kids who walk by the house, we bark at the mailman, we eat, we sleep on the couch, and we chew bones. We also like to snuggle with my mom and dad.
Here I am making sure there are no kids walking by the house.

I hold my bone while I look out the window. Sometimes being a watchdog makes me want to chew something.

Reilly and I have had to play inside today, since it's raining. Can you see how wet my head is? I hate the rain, and so does Reilly. I think this weekend we are going to rent Hotel for Dogs and watch the finale of The Hills with my mom and dad. Heidi and Spencer are sooooo stupid!

I really like having a dog friend for a while, but it just makes me so happy that I don't have any human brothers or sisters. I'm an only dog.