Dances with Pterodactyls

Yesterday I joined Matt and Collin for Movie Monday. We went to see Avatar. I was torn about whether or not I wanted to go because I've been feeling blah ever since I got that damned Swine Flu vaccine, because the movie is seven hours long, and because I thought I might rather spend the $13 on a sweater from Gap.

But, in a lapse of judgment, I went.

The best thing about Avatar was how it looked. It was gorgeous and shiny and bright. I can't wait to go on the ride at Universal Studios (would they have the rights to it?).

But the story was. . .lacking. Let me rephrase that. It was a good story, just one that's been done many times before. About halfway through, I started singing that song from Pocahontas (. . .have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon. . .can you paint with all the colors of the wind. . .) to myself. Avatar was all "love the earth," "be good to the earth," "love your fellow man," "don't be mean to the natives," "just because they have something you want doesn't mean they're your enemy." I get it. Good lessons, and all things I believe. A little subtlety would've been nice, though.

When I commented to Matt that we were watching "Pocahontas with computers," he one-upped me. "Dances with Wolves with computers," he said. Dammit! I hate it when Matt wins!

The movie-going experience got much worse when, about six hours in, during the most climactic part, I had to pee like a pregnant racehorse. This was the second time I'd had to pee during the film.

Note to self: don't drink the entire $32 five-gallon bucket of Diet Coke.

So I got up and began the trek down the stairs. I had my phone in my hand (maybe I had checked Facebook during the movie?) and was going to put it in my back pocket. But then I thought that I didn't want the phone to fall on the floor in the bathroom, so I decided to put it in my coat pocket. But I missed, and dropped my phone on the floor, and heard pieces go everywhere, namely, under the seat of a guy I didn't know.

So there I was, on my hands and knees, trying to reach under some random guy's chair for my phone during the film's climax. I found it only after a few humiliating minutes.

Final verdict: pretty but too didactic. Seen that story before. Should've gone to Gap.