Kiss My Ass, Sarah Palin.

Hey, Sarah Palin, you piece of shit:  (1:08)




There are a lot of us teachers.  If only some of yours could have taught you how to use the English language. . .

Tell me again about how effective abstinence is.

Sickfest

This week has been a bit of a a suckfest sickfest for me. I've been sick since Monday, not crazy sick or hospital sick, but sick enough to be unhappy.
And I've been a whiny baby about it. I've used my sort-of illness as an excuse to:

• be a bitch
• eat too much
• skip exercising
• revert to bad habit of coma naps
• whine
• procrastinate at work

I've also developed a new compulsion--taking my temperature. I'm obsessed. I take my temperature approximately 30 times per day (current temperature, 99.6). It's the very first thing I do when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I do before I go to bed. I keep thinking of the sitcom episode--I believe it was an early Full House--where the child (DJ?), attempting to stay home from school, put the thermometer up to the light bulb and got it to read something like 110 degrees. I'm really not far past that. I repeatedly take my temperature, sticking the thermometer in different parts of my mouth to find which part is the hottest. I won't take my temperature if I've just taken a sip of a cold drink, but I love to take it if I've just eaten something hot.

And, honestly, I'm kind of rooting for a fever. Isn't that stupid? Basically, I feel that if I'm going to be uncomfortable and unable to breathe at night, I should also be able to stay home from work, sleep all day, whine, and make Matt fetch things for me and pet my head.

But, alas, no staying home for this girl. Not me, not now (Remember the abstinence campaign on the radio that had that as its slogan? I'm pretty sure I have a homemade tshirt with the same saying!) It's too early in the school year to be out of work. Plus, I'm saving sick days for the swine flu, which I will almost certainly get because of all of the jokes I made last spring.

Here's hoping that you are feeling better than I am.

Current temperature, 99.3. Oh, what a roller coaster!

Don't Mess with Dave

You know the list? The list from Friends, the one where you name the five celebrities you are allowed to sleep with without your spouse getting mad at you? Well, these two men are on mine. David Letterman has been on mine forever. I love this man. (And I wouldn't kick Obam' out of bed for eating cookies.)

I do not love this woman.

Sarah Palin offends me to the core of my being. I think that she is disgusting, stupid, an opportunist, and an insult to women. Every time I hear her run her mouth I feel the need to donate more money to Obama and Planned Parenthood. She is a symbol of everything I loathe.

One thing I hate is teenage pregnancy, or more specifically, people having kids they're not capable of raising, regardless of their age. I also hate abstinence-only sex education. It's even more stupid than Sarah Palin.

Sarah Palin and her daughter Bristol are proponents of abstinence-only sex education. You know, because it's been really effective for them. Sarah Palin has paraded her daughter--and now her grandson--around for the better part of a year.

And now she's mad at my boyfriend Dave because he made a joke about her daughter being knocked up. She's insisting that 1.) he was talking about her 14-year old (which he was not), 2.) that he is some kind of pedophile supporter of raping 14-year olds, 3.) Dave Letterman cannot be trusted around a 14-year old girl. Opportunist? Stupid? Check. Check.

If there was something that could make me hate this woman more, she just found it. Hey, Dummy, if you throw your knocked-up, abstinence-promoting daughter into the national spotlight, expect some criticism. Expect some jokes. If you don't want your daughter to face such criticism, don't put her out there.

I myself will mock a knocked-up idiot 18-year old any day of the week. And her incompetent mother, too.

Go Dave!