Perfect Day, Danger Cookie

I have an inkling that I’ve got some cranky, uncomfortable, sleep-deprived, psychotic days coming in the next few months, so before those moments rear their ugly heads, I’d like to take a hot second to talk about how perfect yesterday was. 

First, I actually got out of bed ten minutes earlier than usual. (BANANAS! for someone who gets up only 15 minutes before walking out the door each morning.) So I got to work just a little earlier, which made everything seem just a little bit less rushed. I taught lessons that I really love teaching, and my students were well-behaved and pleasant, and I even found a super cool article about mass hysteria on the same day that I was about to start The Crucible! I got five new students in one of my classes, which would usually be something that would make me curse the scheduling gods, except that these all came from an overflowing honors class, and in their first day they completely changed the dynamic of my class for the better. Shoot yeah! I even had a big slice of chocolate cake for lunch, which must have had some magical motivational properties because I also got every single one of my papers graded and recorded.

When I got home, I discovered that my sweet husband had gotten off of work early and opened all of the windows in the house because it was 74 freaking degrees outside! I sat down to eat a potato chip sandwich* and catch up on my Words with Friends games and couldn’t wipe the goofy smile off of my face as I looked around at my clean house , the curtains blowing ever-so-slightly from the breeze outside. My little baby wolf was cute as could be, cuddled up on the couch with his dad, and sensing, I’m pretty sure, that it was the eve of his birthday. So I took him to the dog park where he smiled and ran and smelled stuff and tried to have his way with a German shepherd**. On the way there I talked to one of my favorite ladies (who also played a role in this perfect day) and was reminded of just how much I love my friends.

We returned home, relaxed, ate dinner at an hour that is befitting for normal humans, and watched Top Chef. I remembered that I’d bought myself some very cozy full-panel maternity yoga pants way back in September, so I dug them out (I know, I know, you can hardly handle the sexy) and pretended to kick Matt in the face, telling him that never again would he see a pregnant woman kick that high in the air. (He said to be careful that the baby didn’t shoot out.) And after wanting something sweet, then deciding to go to Wendy’s, then deciding not to go to Wendy’s and to eat grapes instead because I don't need to indulge every single fatbody craving that I ever have just because I am pregnant , I stumbled upon this recipe for Peanut Butter Bacon Cookies on the ol’ Pinterest, and thirty minutes later we were inhaling the salty sweet goodness.**

I know it’s not the most exciting thing for you to read the play-by-play of someone else’s day, but I wanted to document yesterday’s perfection so that I can go back and read about it next time I’m feeling like my body and mind have been inhabited by Satan himself.

But here’s something for you to make up for the syrupy diary-like entry.

Peanut Butter Bacon Cookies. OM-effing-G. Matt and I have decided that these should actually be called Danger Cookies**** because they’re so ridiculously quick and easy to make, and they’re, um, out of control delicious. (And gluten free, too, I think, which I don’t care about but maybe other people do.) I think I’m going to make some for my doctor and then I'll tell them that if he doesn't eat them, I will.  And then when he goes absolutely apeshit eating them I’ll call him a cow.  Ha.

Now, if you'll please excuse me, I have to go celebrate my firstborn's 8th birthday with him on this, oh shoot, 81 degree afternoon.  EIGHTY ONE DEGREES!  I can never live anywhere with a real winter again.




*Maybe this wasn’t the healthiest eating day that’s ever been?


**Totally acceptable behavior on the eve of one’s birth.


***After I had two cookies, I did have those grapes, because woman cannot survive on chocolate cake and potato chip sandwiches and peanut butter bacon cookies alone.


****Um, If I had a secret service codename I would want it to be Danger Cookie.

Patents Pending

So, I know my blog performance of late has been, well, lamesville at best.*  Sorry about that.  Honestly, I'm conflicted because I've spent so many years now being annoyed by annoying pregnant women who only ever talk about being pregnant and the miracle of life and blah blah blah vomit, and I'm probably now overcompensating now by just saying nothing at all since so many of my thoughts are consumed by this current endeavor and what will happen when we actually have a baby to take care of.  It's a tough job making sure you don't become the thing you hate.

What I'm going to try to work on is balance.  I want to share what's going on here (lame, boring-to-everyone-but-me pregnancy stories included), but to find a way to care about other stuff, too.  Important stuff like baked goods and ice cream and television and politics and stuff that doesn't have to do with fetuses or expanding body parts.

Let's start with this.

The Baggy Winecoat, a.k.a., "Someone has stolen one of my great idas."  I knew I should have gotten a patent when, like six years ago on St. Patrick's Day, Old Roommate Cris and I developed an idea to make a purse that would hold the bag from a box of wine.  My idea was less fancy than this one, granted, since it basically involved getting some ice packs and cutting the corner out of a messenger bag, but still.**

Now, before someone goes and steals another one of my amazing idea inventions, I want to tell you about a couple more.  You know, for proof.  I've already shared ash packets (still don't know why so many of you found that disturbing), so don't go trying to snag that one.  It's been documented.  ON THE INTERNET.

Here's my next awesomepants idea.  This one was developed with Tanya after we go lost in some pretty scary neighborhoods in Baltimore during high school.  We decided that we should develop maps that are color-colded according to crime rates so that people would know which spots to avoid.  Way back when, these would have been paper maps, but now this idea will take the form of an app.  And with GPS and stuff, you could even sort your data by type of crime!  Wouldn't that be awesome?  The GPS lady could be all, "Danger, danger!  Get on outta here!" and then you'd know to avoid that neighborhood.

Okay, and here's the idea that is really just incredible.  Caitie and I came up with this senior year of college when we were discussing our favorite flavors of popular candies.  Let's take Skittles, for example.  What's your favorite color?  Mine is red.  But Matt's is green.  Caitie and I decided initially that the candy companies should make bags of all one flavor, like all red or all green (but not all purple, because, seriously, who loves purple the most?  That's like loving the purple freeze-e-pop the most, which is basically like being a dirty communist.).  But then we thought that too much of a good thing could be bad, so we decided that they should make bags that are like 75% the favorite flavor and 25% everything else.  We'd call them Mostlies.  Mostly red, or mostly green.  But not mostly purple, because we are a righteous people.

So, those are my ideas, the best that I've been able to come up with in my thirty and a half years on this planet.  Don't even think about stealing them.  I already lost this game once to the developers of the ol' Baggy Winecoat (which I totally want come April, by the way).


*Would totes love to be all, "Oh man, I've been so busy at work and ellipting that I haven't had time to blog!"  But you're all smart internet readers and you know that the translation of that would be "Oh man, I've been so busy eating Halloween candy that I got for 50% off that I've been in a sugar coma and then having to ellipt to keep from getting gestational diabetes."  Shoot.


**And, no, it's not possible at all that two people could come up with the same amazing idea.

Vacation Part Deux

So, for the second half of spring break, I flew from the ABQ to D.C. where Caitie picked me up from the airport.  It was great being able to hang out with her, even for an hour.*

And after we ate several pounds of pot stickers and Oreo crazy dessert at Friday's, Caitie took me back to Matt's parents' house.  Then I realized, at 1:30 a.m., that I don't know the garage code, and that I didn't have my keys.  So Caitie and I stood outside my in-laws' house like fools for like twenty minutes while I tried every imaginable code I could think of to get into the garage.  Finally, I just called and had to wake Matt's dad up.  And I felt like quite the a-hole.

Shoot.

But all was well only hours later because I arrived along with Matt's mom (after visiting Wegman's, a heaven on earth) at their lake house.

Now, I've already talked about the lake house a number of times.  This particular trip revolved around polishing silver, eating brownies, and flipping the TV channels back and forth between HGTV and news coverage of the upcoming royal nuptials.***

Because the lake house is so chill and so relaxing, there's not usually too much to share about visiting.  It's beautiful and peaceful and you never want to leave.  And you might think that because the air is so warm that the water is also warm.  Nope.  It's not.  You might discover that after foolishly jumping in without even having dipped your feet out to test the waters.  And then you might get hypothermia and die.  Or at minimum scream, swim faster than you ever have in your life (which is a bit of a challenge because of frozen limbs), and then spend the rest of the afternoon trying to trick other people to do the same.  "Oh, it's basically like a bathtub."

One of the best parts of visiting the lake is going on sunset boat rides.  Matt's dad is a longtime lover of sunsets, and seems to be at his happiest when he's on his boat watching the sun go down.  I've got to admit, he's on to something.
 

Oh yeah, and there was lots of grilling, because Matt is the grill master who travels up and down the East Coast demonstrating his mad skillz.

Grilled wings. . .mmmmmmmmmmm. 

Well, I'd share more, but I have to go because Matt is trying to make me watch the William & Kate movie on Lifetime.  That's really a thing.


*Um, you might remember that Caitie was the other participant in the fattest of the fat contests.  Recently, a friend asked me about the "fat offs" that my friend and I used to have, wondering if we still made gluttonous trips to Golden Corral.  "No," I replied, "We're both on Weight Watchers now."  Surprise, surprise.**


**It should also be noted that Caitie is much better at Weight Watchers than I am.


***Matt is so into the royal wedding that it's not even funny.  It's all I can do to keep him from calling out of work on both Thursday and Friday, making tea and crumpets, and speaking in a British accent.  If we were people of greater means, I am confident that he would be in England right now, draped in the British flag whilst stalking Will and Kate.****


****Also, Matt wants me to tell the internet that he is not into the royal wedding but at all.  He just said that in a British accent.

Green Thumb?

Okay, so I'm pretty excited right now, and not just because Big Love ended in the way that I both predicted and wanted, and not just because my birthday is fast approaching, and not just because I have a new ice cream scoop, and not just because I had a full weekend of [mostly] completing some house projects.

I'm excited because I'm taking on something new: plants.

See, I really don't understand plants.  Like I just don't get them.  I mean, I'm not a complete moron; I understand that they need water and sunlight, and I understand photosynthesis* and all.  But when it gets into all of this bull jive** about shade plants and sun plants and different kinds of dirt and pruning and bees and feeding and all of that--well, I just don't know anything. 

Last summer I planted some hydrangeas, and aside from my brief foray with hydroponics, it was a huge failure.  I kept forgetting to water the little bushes, and the hot Savannah sun just made the plants shrivel into little pitiful piles of wilted sadness.

But then I went outside the other day, and wouldn't you know it?  Those hydrangeas are some resilient little suckers.

So, inspired by my very, very slight success with the hydrangeas, and inspired by Cassie (who is basically a plant genius), I'm trying to find some actual success with plants this year.

But since I'm still a plant idiot, I got this little greenhouse thing from Target.  And it's kind of awesome--so far, at least.

Because, see, you start with these weird little pellets.

And then you pour warm water over them, and they grow BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES!

And then they kind of look like all kinds of things that you will want to make immature jokes about, but that you won't because you're about to turn 30 in a week.

And then you add some seeds.

And then you run out of seeds, but try to find some in the refrigerator.

Then you cover them with dirt (or so I remember from the third grade), and then you put in your little plant markers, and send out happy thoughts.

Wish us luck!

 These are for Caitie, who is newly obsessed with spaghetti squash.

And if this goes well, we'll tackle this next.  Eek!

Any plant tips you'd like to share, friends?


*When Matt and I first started dating, I wowed him while we were watching Jeopardy! by knowing what ATP stood for.  Adenosine triphosphate, for those of you who are wondering.  He was impressed, as he should have been.  I was impressed that that was actually the right answer. 


**My students taught me this term.  Also, it is awesome.

Christmas Booty

Shoot yeah, I really scored this Christmas!

Now, I actually got my big Christmas gift early.   You remember Whitey, righty?  By the way, Matt says that I should not name my camera Whitey because that's offensive.  I say that it's not offensive because I am also white.  He just shakes his head and rolls his eyes, basically defeated by my ability to argue.

But check out some of my other Christmas loot.

1.  Very cool owl drawing/painting thing.  This was a gift from our friend Collin, who bought it at a silent auction that was to benefit another friend.  It was very nice and thoughtful because I'd bid on it myself, but then been outbid, and decided I couldn't spend too much on it.  I'm really excited to have it.  It also kind of reminds me of the owl calendars that I made for a few of my friends using this amazing generator.

2.  Beautiful stationery.  This is from Cassie, and I'm a little bit crazy about it.  What makes it even cooler is that Emily Ley is a friend of hers from way back when.  This stuff makes me want to catch up on my correspondance (but really I'll probably just lie on the couch in my pajamas and drink Simply Grapefruit juice from a plastic goblet.)

3.  Awesome Martha Stewart kitchen tools.  These are from Matt's mom (who also gave us cash, which I know she hates to do because then she doesn't get to have as much fun shopping).  I love this stuff, and she even got it to match the kitchen!

4.  Pastry stand.  This one is from a friend at school, who left it in the carport wrapped up as a surprise.  I can't wait to fill it with tasty goods!

5.  Caitie made me this print using Wordle.  I love the bright colors and the way she managed to fit so much of what I love into one picture.  I also kind of like this spot for it.  What do you think?

6.  This apron that I bought for myself on the day after Christmas at World Market.  Maybe it'll keep me from wiping my hands all over my jeans.

7. Also bought myself The Perfect Scoop, which I've already mentioned here.  We bought it with a gift card, so it technically is a Christmas gift.  Expect to read about many a recipe from this one.

8.  Omigod I love this next gift.  This one is also from Cassie, and I'm pretty sure she got it from this Etsy shop.  It's a camera strap, and not only is it in some of my favorite colors, but it also has my initials on it.  I'm so excited about it! (Also, it's hard to take a picture of a camera strap when it's still on the camera.  I could've taken it off, but I'm lazy.)

9.  I don't know why I love this little juicer bowl that Matt's grandma gave me so much, but I do.  I love the color and I love the little pour spout and I think it's going to look gorgeous in the kitchen.

10.  The next thing is from Grandma Carol and Grandpa B., and it warms my heart.  Months and months ago I mentioned to her that I didn't know where to buy kitchen twine, and she filed that away.  She'd seen something like this at a store, but decided that it was overpriced.  Instead, she had Grandpa B. make it for me.  I love them, and I really, really love this gift.

11.  And, finally, I got this Whoville-style ornament from Tanya (she actually gave me two of these, but I only have a good picture of one of them). Tanya has some special ability to pick out the very best, most fun Christmas ornaments.  Most of my favorite Christmas ornaments have come from her, and they also make me smile.

Sooooo. . .I'm itchin' to know. . .

What'd you get?

In Case You Missed It. . .

It's possible that I'm the last person on earth to see these two videos, but they're both worth watching.

1.  Dogs and snow couldn't be cuter.



2.  Planet Rock.  Caitie called me today to introduce me to this.  Can next year's Christmas card be a video one where Matt and Mitch and I all do this dance?  OR--the new camera (It came today! Happy eeeeeaaak! More on that later.) takes HD video, so maybe I can just make it and post it here for you.

This and That

1.  Watched The Blind Side the other night.  Caitie had raved about it, and I think it was at that point where she began to seek out a Taco Bell mogul and wear sassy suits.  Anyway, it was on HBO OnDemand and I was tired enough to sit down for two hours, but not so tired that movie narcolepsy would kick in.  Oh, and I cried approximately 785 times. 

2.  Back in the Day Bakery's Cheryl has shared with the world her recipe for Old Fashioned Cupcakes.  They're incredible, and not that hard to make! (Though I couldn't bring myself to add 8 whole cups of sugar to an icing recipe, so mine was a little too liquidy.  In the future, I'll actually halve the recipe, because I'm good at fractions and don't want to get the diabetes.)

3. I love these v-neck shirts from the Gap.  I first bought the green, and then went back for the hot pink.  Then I got the dark heathered grey.  Then the heathered blue.  Then I went back and lost my mind when I bought the white, the fuschia, the purple, the regular dark grey, and the camel.  (On that last trip the shirts were marked down to $3.67/each, so I went a little bananas.)  Apparently, I am completely incapable of moderation.   Also, I don't need tshirts again until 2020.

4. How funny is Mitch's entourage?

5. Grandma Carol, I mailed you something!

6. Found a beautiful cake plate at Macy's yesterday.  Half off?  Yes, please.  Now I just need to make a chocolate cake.  This one will do.

7. Becky got me to watch Freaky Eaters this weekend.  It was. . .freaky.  How is the girl who subsists on cola alone (and not even some specific brand of cola?) even still alive?  I don't get it.

8. I was very, very happy to see the glee club team get eliminated from Amazing Race last night.  If I had to watch them serenade one more cab driver I was going to throw something at the TV, and then Matt would be mad at me for breaking his baby. 
9. Did I ever tell you that I was homeschooled in the sixth grade?  Yeah, my mom (who dropped out of high school) decided that she could do a better job of educating my brother and me than, say, a school full of actual teachers could.  So what happened?  I spent a year eating oatmeal creme pies and jumping on the trampoline.  And I would spend about one day each week doing schoolwork.  I was a little manic even back then, and would be either super focused and organized and hardworking, or lying on the trampoline in a Little Debbie sugar coma.

10.  Matt and Mitch are currently napping on the couch.  I think they're on to something.  G'night!

(This picture has nothing to do with anything.  I just think it's funny.)

Ten Things

I have a lot to say.

1. You should read Caitie's latest post, because it has pictures and video footage of Mitch as a puppy.  I'm in it, too.  Caitie's the best.
2. You should read Cassie's latest post about her adventures in her back yard.  I was laughing so hard that I cried--while waiting in line at the post office.  It was embarrassing, but it was worth it.
3. I would make out with President Obama, if given the chance, and if Michelle condoned the act.
4. Am I the only person in the world who doesn't give a rat's ass about the World Cup?
5. Victoria Secret's semi-annual sale started today.  Did I go there at 9:00 a.m. today?  Did I realize that I've been wearing the wrong bra size and that I do, indeed, have "fat girl" boobs now?  Um, no?  Because I was at work, working diligently, during that time? 
6. Today I discovered the solution to Mitch's thunderstorm neuroses: a Kong filled with high-quality American cheese.  It soothes the soul--both human and dog.
7. Matt is the best griller that I've ever known in real life.
8. I only have two more days of work.  This is that part where you are consumed with envy.

9. John Beohner looks like an Oompa Loompa.  Also, Oompa Loompas are creepy.  I tried to convince my family to dress all of my cousins (when the cousins were about 3 years old) as Oompa Loompas for Halloween, because I thought that would be the creepiest costume of all.  They didn't, and I unfriended all of them on Facebook.  Seriously.  Don't be friends with your family on Facebook.  It's dangerous.
10. Fuck you, BP.  Even though I don't believe in hell, I sometimes wish that there was a hell, so that I could imagine you burning in it eternally. 

Jump for Joy!

As you may have figured out from the ol' bloggity blog, I'm not the most pro-baby person on the planet.  So, understand just how much I mean it when I say that I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER that Joy and her husband Kevin are expecting a baby this fall.  If I could paint a perfect picture of a mother, it would be Joy.  Should I ever decide to procreate, I'll first have to emulate her.  She's smart, and nurturing, and creative, and caring, and good.  And I know that she'll be the best mom on the block--or on the mountain. 

One google congratulations.

XOXOXO

Just Stop Working and Watch Some Funny Videos

Parody of Glee, courtesy of a Mr. James Fallon and a Ms. Caitie:



And, just in case you missed it and you want to watch seventeen minutes of a handsome, witty president, it's Obama's speech from the White House Correspondents Dinner. It's no ordinary dinner. . .

This and That

Life has been pretty slow around these parts, if only because my current obsession with watching 16 and Pregnant is rapidly causing my brain cells to evaporate.  (But, seriously?  What's wrong with these girls?  What's wrong with their parents?  What's wrong with their boyfriends?  WHY AREN'T WE SLIPPING BIRTH CONTROL INTO SCHOOL LUNCHES??)

So, unless you want to hear about adventures in grading papers (which is almost as bad for the brain as watching 16 and Pregnant) or doing laundry, then I really don't have much to share at this juncture.  Wouldn't be prudent.  

Here's what I've got:

• Got Cassie hooked on 16 and Pregnant as well.  Between the show and the insane commercials that aired throughout, Cassie felt like she was in an alternate universe.  It was pretty fun to watch. 
• Mitch is still the cutest thing of all time.  No surprises there.  He is currently snuggling with me on the couch.  He freaked out earlier today when I was watching 16 and Pregnant and one of the girls was screaming during her really painful contractions.
• I keep wanting to make those strawberry shortcake cookies again, but I'm afraid that I'll get as fat as those girls on 16 and Pregnant.
• Getting pretty excited about the return of The City and The Hills.  I love to ellipt during those shows; hell, they're almost as disturbing as 16 and Pregnant.
• I have a sore throat.  I think it's from yelling at the tv whilst watching 16 and Pregnant.

And I think I might actually be getting sick.  I've been taking my temperature frequently, using both of my thermometers.  I have two because Caitie sent me one after hearing me complain about how my thermometer was broken.  In truth, just because a thermometer does not say that I have a fever when I want proof of how sick I feel, it does not necessarily mean that the thermometer is broken.  Shit.

I should go now, though, because I've only got twenty minutes before the finale of 16 and Pregnant comes on. 

Have you watched this ingenius show?  Is there some meeting I can attend to help fight the addiction?

A Perfect Day

What a week it's been!  This time last week I was frantically cleaning the house and running errands so that I could relax and enjoy birthday/spring break.  And after an incredible birthday celebration I got to hang out with Caitie and her daughter Phebe for a few days (and now we're relaxing at Matt's parents' lake house--more on that later). 

I hadn't had that much time to just hang out with Caitie--stress free--since we were roommates in college.  Those days were pretty glorious: roller skating around Harrisonburg, stalking professors, ganging up on our other roommates, sitting on the sidewalk waiting for cute boys to ride past on bicycles, eating freez-e-pops, skipping class, and lying on her ridiculously comfortable bed watching the "I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so--scared" episode of Saved by the Bell.  You get the picture. 

But we're grown-ups now, and being a grown-up is sometimes less fun than roller skating past a professor's house trying to catch a glimpse of her new Chinese baby.  Now we have real responsibilites and slower metabolism and stressors and bills, and even though life is still good, it's rarely as carefree as it used to be.  But this week?  This week has been like those days on Grattan Street. 

After waging war on pollen and these supposed allergies, I woke up yesterday able to breathe through my nose.  I took a bath, painted my toenails, cleaned the house, blogged, and waited for Caitie to get up.  Then we shopped and lunched and shopped some more.  I bought my one millionth hoodie:

And then we went to Forsyth Park on what might have been the most beautiful afternoon of the year.  Phebe came, too.  And I took 600 pictures of her.

Look at that FACE!

After people-watching and Phebe-watching, we met up with Matt and got ice cream at the Forsyth Park Cafe. 

And then?  Then what did we do?

UNIVERSOUL CIRCUS!

We had really good seats--so good that I was kind of hoping that one of the tigers would attack the trainer, because I could get good pictures of it.  But we don't always get what we want.  (I felt really bad for the tigers and elephants in the show.  I did not feel bad for the troupe of trickster poodles, which was probably Caitie's favorite part of the whole circus, because it was really obvious that their trainer loved them.) 

Meow!

The only disappointing part of UniverSoul was that the cage of death jumper guys from last year weren't part of the show. Good thing there's YouTube.

 When I called Matt during intermisison to tell him that we hadn't seen them, he responded, "Yeah, because they probably died."  Hopefully not.  (They're not being mean to tigers, so I'm more worried about their safety.)

When we returned home, Matt had dinner ready (we use chicken instead of shrimp), and then we all ate and talked and drank too much.

To sum up:  baths, beautification, shopping, lunching, parks, pups, pictures, ice cream, circus, pasta, wine, friends, and husbands.  It doesn't get much better than that.