Poof!

There's just something about summertime that pits me against nature.  (Or pins me against nature, if you're like stupid Olivia on The City.  I hate her with every ounce of my being.)  If it's not mosquitoes or nearly dead moles or jumpy frogs or slugs or snakes, then it's something else. 

As I was driving down the parkway this morning, groggy because I'd had to peel myself out of bed at 7:45 (so early for summer!) and because I failed to eat a healthy breakfast, I became a murderer.  The incident happened shortly after I merged, when I was going between 45-55 mph, and some very intelligent bird was  hovering about four feet off the ground, directly in front of me.  I tried to brake, and I couldn't swerve without getting into an accident, so I hit it. 

Thump!

Horrified by my murderous act, I looked in the rearview mirror.

Poof!

There was a poof of feathers at the scene of the crime, almost cartoonish.  It was like a pillow fight on a sitcom.  Actually, it was like the end of this Pixar short (around 2:30). 



Or this disturbing few seconds that Matt recommended of Randy Johnson hitting a bird with a fastball.



Gross!

Anyway, I'm still driving around with souveniers of my kill.

Ugh.

Anyone have some rubber gloves?

R.I.P., bird.  Sorry you're dead.  Maybe as a ghost bird you can go to all of the other birds and instruct them to maintian a high altitude when flying around such busy roads?

Comcast, You Suck.

Yes, Comcast, you suck.  A lot. 

Our internet has been out since Monday night, and Matt and I have been going through withdrawal.  I called Comcast to try to troubleshoot and/or fix the problem, but to no avail.  So the dipshit employee I was speaking with set us up an appointment with a technician--on Friday.  That was Tuesday.  He said that if they could fit us in earlier, then they would call us and let us know so that we could be home for it.  Of course, he didn't call, and someone came out when we were out celebrating our anniversary (and choosing to celebrate at places that had free wifi, passing the laptop back and forth as though it was some kind of drug).  But it's okay, because he set up an appointment for us--at the exact time that I told him we would NOT be available.  Fantastic.  It's cool. 

We pay more money for our cable and internet than we do for electricity, so it's really neat that it's not working and that the incompetence of others will keep us without internet for almost a week.  I'll get to spend lots of time here at Panera, eating mediocre food and listening to little kids scream.  A mom just stood two feet from me and spanked her kid.  He's screaming some more.

Thanks again, Comcast.  Maybe I'll use Panera's internet to find the number of a doctor who will tie my tubes for me.

XOXO

Grrrrrr.

Somebody stole our lawnmower. I'm pissed.

Hopefully it explodes and kills them. That's what happens if you steal.