Sorry I've been MIA. Nothing's really wrong, well, except for my absolute inability to complete a task these last couple of weeks. As soon as I manage to finish some stuff, I'll have lots to share with you.
But I can't wait until then to share these little gems with you. They're from Sapling Press.
And my personal favorite. . .
So if you just thought to yourself, "OMG! Mandy's birthday is only two weeks away and I have yet to buy her a card and gift," then just get me one of these. And maybe one of these. And these. And this.*
Well, shoot. Now I'm being greedy.
*Not really with the last one. I'm terrified of needles.
First, let's all wish Caitie a happy birthday! Welcome to 29, Cait. It's bitchin'. You'll love it.
Now, today is special for another reason, too. (And I'm so jealous that Caitie gets to share a birthday with such a momentous occasion.) Today, friends, is 9-02-10. Oh yes. As in, Beverly Hills 90210. You know, the greatest show to ever grace television.
I was in the fifth grade when 90210 premiered. It aired on Thursday nights, and, full of angst and nervous delight, I would wait all week for a new episode. Now, I wasn't allowed to watch 90210. My parents believed that watching such a marvelous show would turn me into some roofie-inhaling skank, so they forbade me from watching it. As you might guess, this was during their fundamentalist Christian phase, when they sent me to Baptist school and we went to church multiple times per week. Fortunately for me, my parents went to a Bible study on Thursday nights, so I could watch it without them knowing. Praise Jesus!
Omigod it was so awesome. The clothes, the drama, the premarital sex, the sideburns, the cars, the accidental gun deaths, the blind piano tutors, the affairs, the trips to Mexico, the music, the bangs!
Some of my favorite 90210 moments include:
When Kelly and Brenda wore the same dress to prom
When Brenda got into the car accident in Brandon's car and thought she had given that old woman whiplash, only to discover later that the woman was a con artist
The Peach Pit. I love Nat.
That time that Dylan cheated on Brenda with Kelly while Brenda was in Paris, and Brenda kept listening to "Losing My Religion" and when Brandon asked why she said that that was the song that was playing the first time that she and Dylan broke up, and she thought that was the worst that she'd ever feel, except that now that they were broken up a second time she'd give anything to feel that way again. Watch it. It'll make your day.
That time that the nerdy boy Scott accidentally killed himself with a gun on the anniversary of the Pearl Harbor attack
That time that Donna caught her mom cheating on her dad and Kelly brought Color Me Bad to sing to her at the Peach Pit so that she would cheer up. (Oh, the hair! Oh, the jewelry!)
That time that Donna got drunk before prom and then wasn't allowed to participate in graduation activities. DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES!
That time Dylan's dad exploded. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
And, last but not least, the musical stylings of a Mr. David Silver
Oh, what a glorious show! I am, of course, forgetting about a million other clips of awesomeness. What's your favorite 90210 moment?
(ALSO, Matt's favorite sports writer and 90210 nut, Bill Simmons, is devoting an entire podcast to the show today. You should be able to download the podcast here.)
So, today I was in the middle of one of my very favorite activities, walking through Target whilst talking on the phone, when I was stopped in my tracks. I was walking past the kid clothing section, a place where I normally do not stop (because, aside from those that I see at Baby Gap--which basically just look like miniature real person clothes--I think kids clothes are boring and not nearly as cute as other people seem to think that they are). But I stopped as soon as I saw this:
Really? Madonna? On your baby? I mean, it's not like the humor is lost on me. I get how that's funny. I just can't seem to shake how by dressing your young girl in this shirt is somehow setting the expectation that she'll one day mature, that she'll one day become this:
(By the way, there were much skankier pictures that I found that Matt said were not blog appropriate.) And, I mean, more power to Madonna and her freaky arms and such, but it just creeps me out to have a toddler advertising her future skankiness.
But that wasn't all. There were Aerosmith shirts for the kiddies. Because nothing screams "wholesome childhood" like Steven Tyler. (By the way, my senior year of high school I was obsessed with Aerosmith's song "Pink." I loved it because, I, too, loved the color pink, and I thought the song was catchy. Apparently "pink" has more than one meaning, and I was sending out some mixed messages by playing the song on repeat as I drove around in my '86 Ford Escort singing at the top of my lungs. Here's the video for your Wednesday enjoyment.)
And Bob Marley. "Daddy, am I still too young to smoke pot?"
And the Grateful Dead. "Hi, Mommy. When I grow up I'm going to die of a drug overdose."
And Run DMC. Because no kid's outfit is complete without a faux gold chain.
And ACDC. I really don't know anything about ACDC except that either Beavis or Butthead wore their shirt. I think I'd keep my kid out of Beavis and Butthead attire until they were at least eight.
And The Beatles. Well, no real complaints there. Except that maybe the kiddos would misunderstand the meaning of the greatest of all of their songs, "Why Don't We Do It In The Road?" We don't need to be encouraging our youth to forsake safety, now, do we? Safety should always come first.
You know, though, as much as I might disagree with the messages that these shirts would communicate, I have to say that I don't think they're nearly as awful as some of the tshirt alternatives that are out there for little kids like, "My brother did it" and "Aren't I cute." I REALLY hate those shirts. No, your brother didn't do it, and no, you're not that cute. (Especially when you're screaming in a restaurant or in front of me in line at the store.)
But I think this is the one that makes me want to puke all over myself the most.
Oh, shoot. Matt says that he just got Mitch a collar that has this same saying on it.
**Note** Apparently the person I believed was Bob Marley is really Jimi Hendrix. Many thanks to the friends who pointed this out to me. (If it's not Danny, Donnie, Jordan, Jon, or Joe, I guess I am ignorant.) Jimi Hendrix, by the way, is just as bad for a kid shirt. But not as bad as 50% Mommy, 50% Daddy, 100% Cute. I'll take a mysterious death and a rockin' "Star-Spangled Banner" over that shit any day of the week.
A couple of weeks ago, a 13-year old cousin of mine friended me on MySpace. So I accepted, if only out of curiosity to see what little, let's call her Belle, is up to. It seems that little Belle is up to skanking, if I can be so frank. On her page was an album titled "sorry daddy this is my life" in which Belle and three of her equally skanky friends posed for obscene webcam photos. I showed one of the pictures to Matt, who insisted that I close out the window for fear that he'd be arrested for child pornography.
It was horrifying.
I mean, I changed her diapers! I babysat her! She's even younger than Chloe! So now I feel like some old prudish woman who just can't believe "kids these days." And I remember what it's like to be 13--the puberty, the bad decision making, the bitchy friends--and in some ways I feel bad for these kids. I'm thankful that I didn't have a medium to broadcast my crazy to the entire world during those years.
Which brings me to poor little Noah Cyrus, Miley's kid sister.
Here she is posing with some of her friends and a stripper pole, and here she is with her friend Grace, who will be designing the line with her.
Did you just vomit all over your computer? If not, check these out.
ARE YOU F'ING KIDDING ME? Prude or no prude, I'm standing strong in my beliefs here: nine year-old girls should not be wearing lingerie (ahem, sex clothes), nor should they be designing lingerie. Call me old-fashioned.
Oh, and Miley's kid sister has got to be the creepiest looking thing since Swan in HBO's America Undercover documentary, Living Dolls.
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