Dr. Scholl's Fast Flats

This is not okay.



Will you be purchasing these ($10 for disposable shoes!) during your next Target visit?

Multitasking

Remember when I found and bought my dream shoes last week?  Well, there was a minor hiccup.  See, I wear a size 8.5, and the shoes were only available in an 8 or a 9.5.  I decided to go the half size down, since the heels were 3.5 inches and I didn't want to be unstable when walking around.  I even went and found another pair of peep toe slingbacks that were the same brand and tried those on to see if my toes could handle a smaller size.  My toes said that, yes, they could handle the smaller size.  My brain said that the smaller size would mean we were putting safety first, since I would be so much more stable.  (Let go of these pretty green shoes last year because I felt like I would fall down when I wore them.) 

I'll tell you one thing.  My toes and my brain are leading me on a path to destruction!

When the shoes arrived I wore them around the house to break them in.  And it was during that time (perhaps while I was wearing them whilst vacuuming?--how very 1950's!) that I realized that if I wanted to both wear these shoes and continue to have toes, I would need to find a way to stretch them out.

After a little bit of research on the interwebs, I decided to go with my favorite plan, filling the shoes with ziploc bags of water and putting them in the freezer.  The idea was that the water would expand when frozen, and it would stretch out my shoes.  Well, I couldn't even figure out how to make that happen.  Matt walked into the kitchen while I was trying to shove a freezer bag of water into these peep toe slingbacks, and just shook his head and walked away. 

And then, a stroke of brilliance.

Multitasking.

And it seems to be working!  I mean, is Matt really annoyed every time he goes to change the channel?  Yes.  But is it hilarious to watch Matt change the channel while holding a pretty shoe?  Hell yes. 

. . .and the insides are filled with my blood!

Back to school = major readjustment period.


It means having to go to bed early. It means having to wake up early. It means seeing Matt less. It means listening to ninth graders chattering for hours a day. These readjustments can be painful for me. The most painful one, though, is getting used to wearing shoes again.


I bought these shoes at the beginning of the summer, and I hadn't really had a chance to wear them until today. Aren't they cute?


Tiny little heel. . .

Pretty bow, rounded toe, nice details.

I wore them for the first time today, partly to provide some relief from yesterday's hours of walking around in heels. Plus, I knew that I'd be spending a chunk of my day today hauling textbooks across the school, so I thought the flats would be more practical than my other footwear choices.

I was wrong.

What I didn't realize (because Nine West must have forgotten to add this to the description) is that as soon as my foot would enter the shoe, the shoe would contract, and tiny razor blades would emerge. I believe that these shoes were actually intended for the prisoners at Gitmo, although forcing prisoners to wear them is likely a violation of the Geneva Conventions.

I walked about two miles in these shoes of death today, applied many a bandaid to my raw heel, and suffered several broken toes from trying to favor the heel.

I couldn't help but to think of my friend Monica and the time she bought an overpriced pair of boots.

Monica: The guy who made these hates feet and wants to see them die!
Rachel: Well-well you can give them to me! I haven’t felt my feet in years!
Monica: I can’t! I spent so much money on them and I told Chandler that I’d wear them all the time, I just can’t give them away!
Phoebe: Well then get your money back and return them!
Monica: I can’t do that either! The soles are already a little scuffed up and the insides are filled with my blood!