If This Isn't Nice, I Don't Know What Is.

I'm not sure what I can even say about this week.  It's been just lovely in some respects: bidding adieu to students from long ago at graduation, not having much to do at work, eating lunch out, shopping, meeting a good friend's new lady friend, and making enough bolognese to feed a team of competitive eaters.  

But for some reason I've been really annoyed and crankfest crankypants all week, too, partly because I had so little to do (or that I could do) at work, because I was eating massive amounts of restaurant food, and because I have been floating around in this little limbo between school and summer.  And I won't complain about coworkers on the blog, but if I did I could've written about seventy-five posts about them this week.  But that would violate my ratio of positive to negative.

So instead of being all fussface about stuff, I'm going to follow the advice of the very handsome and sassy Mr. Vonnegut.

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Here's what's making me happy right now.  (And so what if a disproportionate amount of it is food?)

1.  School is over.  Post-planning is over.  I've got to go back for little stuff here and there through the summer, but it's done for now.  Shoot yeah!  SUMMER!!!

2.  Awesome sales at Gap.  It's not easy to dress this boring!

3.  Bacon jam on homemade artisan bread.  Kind of the best thing that's ever happened.

4.  Back in the Day Bakery.  Probably my favorite place in Savannah.

5.  Frozen bananas.  "My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana.  I said, 'No, but I want a regular banana later--so. . .yeah.'"  Also, Mitch Hedberg.

6.  Fun prizes from the Target dollar spot.  I've got big plans for them.

7.  Cutest erasers ever. (Also from Target's dollar spot.)

8.  After-school snacks.

9.  After school, watching crappy movies and pigging out on Nilla Wafers in the guest bed with the dog.  Note the newly styled shelves, courtesy of one Cassie.

10.  Bossypants.  Awesomepants.

11.  The cutest little dog feet in all the land!

12.  Random inspirational quotes spread around the school via someone named Waffles.

And if all that isn't nice, I don't know what is.  

Patience

I saw this wino eating grapes.  I said, "Dude, you have to wait!"

-Mitch Hedberg

Vending Machine Opus

One day when I was a little kid, I walked by a soda machine and pushed one of the buttons just to see if I could get a free drink. And wouldn't you know it, I did? I hadn't put in any money, but I got a free Coke. And so began my love affair with the vending machine.

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This love affair continued through middle school, where I learned strategies to get more free snacks. These strategies mostly included shaking, kicking, and otherwise abusing the machine, only to get a bag of Skittles to fall out.

As I got older, I learned that there was karma involved in vending machines. On more than one occasion I was the victim of vending machine vandalism. I would pay for my snack, but the coils would turn on an empty space, and I would get no snack. Vending machine karma.

So I stopped abusing the machines. I was wiser and more mature, and I would be a decent citizen of the world. Part of being a decent citizen means not kicking vending machines.

When I went off to JMU, my whole universe began to open up. I had new friends and new opportunities, but, just as fascinating, I also had a new wide world of vending machines to enjoy. These machines included hot chocolate machines, machines that gave fountain soda with crushed ice, french fry machines, ice cream machines, and more. The snacks and beverages in these machines were far superior to anything I had experienced before. AND, I could use my meal plan to buy the stuff. No cash required, just my JMU ID. It was. . .amazing.

Ocean Spray ruby red grapefruit juice was one of my favorites; it was great for breakfast and it was good with cheap vodka.

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In my old age, though, my vending machine interactions have become much less enchanting. In fact, about 30% of the time I seek sustenance from a vending machine these days, the experience ends in disappointment, frustration.

The only vending machines I really patronize are those at my school, and the snack machine is about ten years older than I am. It won't take dollar bills--not even the super crispy ones!--and half of the buttons don't work. And the soda machine has just as bad a performance record even though it is brand new.

And why don't these machines work? I imagine that it's because they live in a place full of obnoxious teenagers, and we all know that teenagers are notorious for vending machine abuse. Just wait until they experience vending machine karma. They'll rue the day!