Is It Friday Afternoon Yet?

Also, how's about I win the lottery or something?

Shoot.  This week has been hard.  It's always hard going back to school, and the first few weeks with students are always challenging.  It's hard to get up early in the morning (7:15 a.m. is way too early for anyone to be arriving at work), and it's hard to wear shoes, and it's hard to get back into the swing of school, especially when I'm suddenly supposed to be doing twice as much work in half as much time.

Add to all that the whole "tiny baby at home" thing, and I'm pretty tired.  I'm basically going to go get myself addicted to caffeine pillz because "THERE'S NO TIME!  THERE'S NEVER ANY TIME!" and then Matt will have to talk me down and tell me that, no, I won't be performing at that Hot Sundaes concert this evening.  C'mon.  Let's just watch it, shall we?

That is never going to be not funny.

Anyway, I was supposed to write a post yesterday because it was the ten year anniversary of my first date with Mr. Matt.  But I didn't because I was exhausted.  We didn't do anything exciting, either, because we both had to work and we're tired and old.  We did laugh, as we often do, about how our twenty-one and twenty-two year old selves would be shocked to see us now.  Matt cooks?  Mandy actually agreed to have a baby?  Science finally figured out how to create the cutest dog on the planet and he lives with us?  Whoa, whoa!  And how'd I get so fat?*  And how'd Matt get so skinny?

We've basically been giving ourselves rainchecks for birthdays and anniversaries and other days of note during the last six months or so, and I'm saving them up to cash in for a week-long margarita binge.  But it sure was fun yesterday to think about that first date, how we went to dinner at Applebee's (because we're classy like that) and then to see Signs (I still can't get out the aluminum foil without being tempted to make myself a hat) and how I was wearing my brown Gap favorite tee that I'll probably never get rid of.

Also, ten years is a long time.  A wonderfully long time.

Here is where I would put in a picture of Matt and me when we were young and first dating, but I don't know where it is, and, plus, we were drunk and busted looking in most of those pictures anyway.  Since I only ever take pictures of Charlie and Mitch these days anyway, look at them instead.  Pretend that Mitch is me and Charlie is Matt if you must.

Oh, wait.  Stop pretending that Charlie is Matt.  

This is totes like our first date.  Matt was drooling over his food and I got up in his face and begged for it. (see, also: the last ten years)

And, whoop, whoop!  The weekend is fast-approaching!  Hope yours is the bee's knees!

*Damn you, sedentary lifestyle, pasta, and Oreos.

5 Months!

Our favorite baby buddy is five months old today!

And today our little 5-month old figured out a new trick: wrapping himself up in a blanket and covering up his face just enough so that we couldn't see that he was watching TV.  Yep, he's our kid, alright.

We all just love him the most.  Mitch has even decided not to eat him.

*Charlie, if you are reading this far, far in the future.  You are awesome.  I'm glad we're friends now.

4 Months!

The boy is four months old!  Horray for him!  And horray for us!  Over vacation, we celebrated a Charlie-versary of sorts, the one-year anniversary of finding out that I was pregnant, which almost seems more significant than his turning four months old. It's been a little more than a year since we have thought of him, obsessed over him, worried about him, wondered what he'd be like (and if he'd even be a he). We've been tracking this kid's growth and development for 375 days now!  And four months is pretty cool.  He's a smiling, cooing, squealing, laughing little buddy.  He's rolling over and over and actually starting to play little games (Charlie smacks elephant off of his high chair onto the floor, I say "Where's elephant?", he laughs, I pick up elephant and place him back on the tray, Charlie smacks elephant off of his high chair onto the floor, etc.).  He's strong and smart and awesome.  Did we expect anything less?

I tried to put together a little collection of pictures that would show how he changes as he grows, and here's what I've got so far.

Oh, Charles, you cuteness, you.

Three Cheers for Freedom!

This week we had our first little trip away from home.  We loaded up dog and baby and a car full of crap (for serious, why so much crap?) and drove a few hours to see our favorite White Hot friends.  Cassie and I had been planning for this holiday since last summer when we both got knocked up.  While our little fetuses (shouldn't the plural form of fetus be feti?) grew bigger and bigger, so did our dreams of gin cocktails, French 75's and rivers of wine.  When the time actually came, we indulged, certainly, but not nearly as much as we'd planned way back when we were, oh, 25 weeks pregnant and feeling like that was the most tired we'd ever be.* So there were earlier bedtimes and a little more tiptoeing than last year.  Still, how awesome it was to hang out with some of our very favorite people and our spawn.  At times, I'd stop and look around and realize again, "Oh my god--we have babies!"  Bananas, I tell you.**

What was even weirder than the fact that, joining us, were a little half-Hugh/half-Cassie and a little half-Matt/half-Mandy, was that those little babes didn't really change things like I had feared they might.  Sure, we had to focus much of our attention on the kiddos, but we could still hang out, love on our pups, and laugh until it hurt.

 Penelope gave her daddy a hug.

And Charlie gave his daddy an anti-hug. 

Since coming home, I've been trying to get rid of all of the unnecessary crap around our house (seriously, why so much crap?), Charlie's been grabbing things and sucking on them, and Matt and I have been trying to teach/train/beg Charlie to nap.  We're one screaming session away from reading him the book gifted to him by my soulmate.  But we're all figuring it out.

 I think that Panda is possessed.  Earlier today it was just sitting on the mantle and began to play music.  

I'm probably going to wake up and see it sitting on my chest with a knife.

How Charlie feels about naps.  Either that, or he knows that Panda is out to get us.

Oh, and I've been taking Charlie to the Forsyth Park farmer's market on Saturday mornings, which basically means that I get to spend the rest of the week sounding like an obnoxious Portlandia character, bragging about local corn and blueberries.  It also means that I've been eating pounds upon pounds of peaches--so many that I actually burned my face with peach juice.  How does that even happen?

Soooooo, how did you spend America's birthday?  And have you been eating lots of local produce?




*Oh, and nobody likes a drunk baby.


**Babynanas.

This and That

Let's talk about a few things for a hot minute here.

 1. The vending machine at school now takes credit cards, which means that I have been eating like complete shit every day at school. I really need to stop, too, because I'm afraid that I'm going to somehow influence young Charles and he'll grow to subsist only on Cheetos and Twix bars. And don't we all want our kids to be better than we were?

 2. I love powder cheese. I know it's disgusting and loaded with chemicals and likely part of the reason that I can't focus on anything for more than five seconds, but I love it. I love licking it off of my fingers, I love Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, and I love the Doritos Loco taco from Taco Bell. Admitting this on the internet feels akin to admitting that I bite my toenails or something (I do not bite my toenails). Is there some kind of support group for this?

3. I've been sick since Saturday, which sucks in regular life but super sucks in life with an infant. I want to just lie in bed with my dog and take one nap after another, but I now have a wee babe that I have to keep alive, and he's not too keen on letting me take naps. Also, I really don't want to get him sick, and short of just washing my hands a bunch and trying my best not to breathe on him, I don't know how to keep him from my germs. Oh, and we had to stop playing our latest favorite game, Miami Cannibal. Babies love when you pretend to eat their faces.

4. Made these cookies. They were really good, but more work than I feel like a cookie should be.

[source]

5. Want to see the cutest baby you've ever seen in his new favorite contraption? Okay!

6. I feel like Mitch and I need to go on a little vacation by ourselves. We haven't had a lot of good quality time together lately, and it makes me sad.

7. Matt and I haven't tried a new dinner recipe in a while. We feel like we're doing well by actually cooking dinner regularly instead of just going out, so we're not beating ourselves up about it or anything, but I'd really like a new dinner. This peanut chicken looks pretty tasty, doesn't it?

8. School's out on Friday! It's weird this year, though, because I'm torn about summer. On one hand, I can't wait. On the other, I am kind of afraid of returning home to babyland for two months. I wish that I could still go to work, except that I would only have like 2 students at a time, and that the workday would be from about 10:00-1:00. And I would like to get paid twice as much, while we're at it. How can I make this happen?

9. Want cake. Now.

10. Also, Matt and I are both in love with Adam from Girls.

11.  Babies love ribs.

12. Babies also love hats.  They love the hat even more if the hat features a pirate octopus.

Update!

I know it's already weekend time again, but I totes need to share some of the fun we had last weekend when Grandma Carol, Grandpa B, and Aunt Darcey came to visit. 

We ate and talked and laughed and ate some more. I got to take them to some of my favorite spots in the SAV, like Back in the Day Bakery, of course (a hit!). 

And we went to the train yard that is by the railroad museum so that Grandpa and Darcey could ride one of the antique trains. And Grandpa got a conductor's hat. Because nothing on earth is better than Grandpa B wearing a conductor's hat. Nothing. 

It was such a fun and relaxing weekend, and it really helped me to take my mind off of the anxiety that I had about returning to work on Monday. I was anxious because I didn't know how it was going to work logistically (we've been terrible about getting our wee one on any kind of reliable schedule) and how I was ever going to get enough sleep and how would pumping work and would I even remember my students' names and would I hate my job now that I have a baby? (And such a cute baby at that!)

So I returned to work on Monday, nervous, tired, and feeling a little bit overwhelmed.  And HOT DAMN I LOVED IT! I've never had May mornings where I was delighted to be walking the halls of my school, and I don't think I've ever been so tickled to be wearing heels and clothes that weren't pajamas, either. It was really nice to see my students, and all of the hugs and well-wishes sure made me feel loved and appreciated. 

Being back at work has been great (except for the day that I spilled an entire bottle of breastmilk in my lap--that was pretty awful). I've enjoyed my job, and really relished the opportunity to get out of the house each day. And while it's been hard and tiring, it's good for us mostly because it's given me the time away that I need to actually start missing my little Charlie.* I miss him just the right amount. And he misses me just the right amount, too. We can get kind of sick of each other after weeks and weeks of being together nonstop.  

Gratuitous baby picture.

So now, when I walk into my house, and my snugglin' pup greets me at the door and Matt walks over holding our cute little boy, I happily grab that baby and kiss him and cuddle him, and I so appreciate being able to appreciate being his mom. 

 ****Charlie, if you're reading this far, far in the future. . . Well, if you're old enough to read then you're old enough to know that your mom just isn't a baby person. I probably like you way better now. Unless you became a republican. Jokes. You can be a republican if you want. I probably deserve it, anyway, for being so obsessed with Family Ties.****

This and That

Here's what's new and exciting around these parts lately.

1.  I found an 8-pack of fun sized Butterfingers in the refrigerator yesterday.  They lasted for approximately .08 seconds.  Oh, the carnage!  But it's okay, because I'm supposed to eat 500 extra calories a day since young Charles feeds off of me for 25 hours/day, and I'm pretty sure that my doctor wants those extra calories to come from Butterfingers.  (Oreos will suffice.)

2. My grandparents and aunt are visiting this weekend!  Horray!  I can't wait to see them and hang out with them and introduce them to Chucky.

3.  I actually took a shower today!

4.  Morning Joe.  Matt and I are officially old and boring, and we have a favorite morning talk show.  We actually record it in case we're not awake at 6:00 a.m. to see it live.  Chaz tries his hardest to ensure, however, that we are awake to see it live.  He's so considerate!

5.  I go back to work on Monday!  I'm so excited.  I love little Carlos, but seriously, I was not made to be a stay-at-home-mom.  I know that returning to work will present its own challenges and difficulties, but I can't wait to put on real clothes and shoes, and to do something other than sit around the house all day.  Plus, I only have like a month of work and then it's summer break.  I can do anything for a month.

6.  Exciting in babyland?  Charlie has a new cousin, Penelope!  Get outta here with her cuteness and her, as Hugh put it, Michael Bluth hair.

7.  I want to make this cake.

8.  JMU onesie on a cute baby.  For serious.

9.  Gang signs.

He's kind of a badass.

Screaming Tapeworm Demon, Round II

He's baaaaaaaaaack.  Shoot.

Remember that time I was all, "whatev, losers, having a newborn baby is soooooooooo easy!"?  Remember that?  Were those of you who had been there just chuckling to yourself, waiting for the screaming tapeworm demon to rear his ugly (except very cute) head?  Well, you win.  This shit is crazy.

Feed me!

It's like the hardest, most boring, month-long day I've ever experienced.  And I'm such a cliche with my only-taking-pictures-of-my-baby, unshowered, yoga-pant-wearing, slobber-covered self.  I'm grimy even for me.

Little buddy has been in his 6-week growth spurt since Monday, which means that I have done nothing but feed him and then wait ten minutes to feed him again.  Did I mention that my sweet little baby eats for an hour at a time, every time?  Like twenty times a day?  And that my ass is actually sore from sitting on the couch for so many hours?  And that if I don't remember to grab the remote before I sit down to feed him, then I am taken hostage by a marathon of America's Next Top Model or Pregnant at 70?

Feed me!

And I love the crap out of this baby (quite literally), but jeez-oh-pete, kid, don't you know that absence makes the heart grow fonder?*

So I've decided to make a plan.  Here it is.  Baby Charlie will finish his growth spurt tonight, and then will sleep for 10 hours straight and will wake up pleasant and happy and only wanting to be held half of the time that he's awake.  And he will sleep 10 hours a night every night from here on out. And then he will learn to change his own diapers, to fetch me the remote, and to mix up a mean margarita.  And, hell, he'll learn Spanish, too.

Big sneezes.

And I will see my bed again.  And fold the laundry for the first time in a week.  And have a minute to wash off some of this slobber.  It's disgusting.


*Charlie, if you're reading this far, far in the future, know this: if you continue to eat this often I will have to punish you by forcing you to wear a jean jacket.  Again.