The Ryan Gosling of Dogs.

What Up?

First of all, thank you for all of the well-wishes and happy thoughts sent our way as our sweet pup babe had surgery.  He was pretty pitiful there for a day or so, but he's back to his old self now, just a cone-headed version. Mitch seems to have resigned himself to the fact that the cone is now a part of him, which is simultaneously amazing because he's so adaptable and sad because he can't understand what it means when we tell him that hopefully he only has to wear the shade of shame for a few more days.  There's been lots of knocking into stuff, knocking stuff over, and learning how to do basic things with a giant plastic head.

I shared this on the book of faces a few days ago, but check out the greatest dog on the planet, so determined to lick the container that once held a batch of malted milk ice cream.



My god, I love this dog! (And the man and the baby are pretty great, too!)

We kind of wrote off the weekend since Matt had to work and we felt like we needed to monitor Mitch, so it was pretty quiet around here.  On Saturday, Charlie turned three months old and we celebrated our 5-year anniversary, though both happened without much fanfare. (The fifth year is the timing belt/tumor removal year for gifts, right?)  We're gearing up for a July of fun, though.

I'm off for three weeks right now until I do another week of tutoring, so I'm trying to find stuff to do that's low-cost, fun, and interesting.  We're discovering and re-discovering some of the local parks, and going for lots of long walks.  Really, anything to get me out of our living room.

There's really not much going to to share, but there are some things that have been on my mind, mostly just crap I hate.  And we're off!

1. Becky and I came up with an idea about how we would not only like to lose weight, but we'd also like to take those pounds and put them on someone we don't like (we definitely have a few people in mind).  Wouldn't that be the most fun?  Wait!  Is this already happening and there are just a lot of people out there who don't like me?  Shoot.

2. Also, I really hate heart hands.  I hate them so much.  I'm sure I just offended, like, everybody (if Pinterest is any indication of what people are into these days).  But for real, why, why, why does everyone do it?  It's the worst.  Plus, I did a little bit of research on the internet and found that it came from Taylor Swift and her fans.  But there's another possibility that I saw on The Hairpin.  Anyway, heart hands, be gone! Unless you're really into Taylor Swift, in which case you probably have bigger problems than heart hands. (Oh, and if you're somehow lucky enough not to know what heart hands are, here's an example, Grandma.)

3. Matt and I actually tried two new meals last week, both tasty grilled meals.  One was a sweet and spicy glaze, which was supposed to be for shrimp but that we made for chicken because we don't eat shrimp.  It was super easy and tasty, a definite make-again.  I had a picture of it, but I lost it.  Mother F.

4.  Have I already shared with you that, now that I'm a mother officially, I'd like for people to refer to me as Mother F?  Do you think that we should teach Charlie and Mitch to refer to Matt's mom as Grandmother F?  I bet she wouldn't approve.  When Charlie has a kid, I'm totes going to be Grandmother F.

5.  I have a really fun furniture project coming up.  I was going to do it today, but, alas, for the second time in like a month Matt and I had no idea there was a tropical storm coming, so it rained buckets today and I didn't think it wise to go outside and try to spray paint a bunch of crap.  Here's a hint, though.

6. I'm mad that Matt talked me out of buying big garish lime green rain boots a few months ago.

7.  Amber from Teen Mom just gets more loathsome by the second.

And, with that, I've got to get to bed.  My tiny baby parasite will be up before I know it.  Can't wait until he's four months old.  That's when we get to start giving him NyQuil to sleep through the night.*




*Jokes.  We wouldn't give him NyQuil.  Turkey and red wine, however. . .

The Day of 1000 Tears

That was maybe a little melodramatic.  I mean, maybe there were only 500 tears.

If you haven't noticed from reading this little blog, I am a little bit into my dog.  A few weeks after Charlie was born, I was talking to Matt about how I didn't feel that overwhelming gushy love for him yet--that I loved Charlie, of course, but didn't have that heart swelling goofy love yet.  "I love him like I love you," I told Matt, to which he replied, "So you love Charlie the way you love me, but you don't love either of us the way you love Mitch?"  Yeah, kind of.

That sounds awful, doesn't it?  Shoot.  I think that I probably love them all equally, but Mitch and I are soulmates.  Plus, Mitch is like 99% positive.  He greets me at the door when I get home, he drops his furbody into the crook of my knees when we're on the couch.  He sings songs with me and eats yogurt dots with me and licks the tears off my face when I'm crying.

Oh, the crying.  I've been a little bit of a hot mess ever since I found out my Mitch needed surgery.  And it wasn't really because I feared the surgery, but it was more because I know how much he gets stressed out at the vet, and it broke my heart to think of him in some cold metal kennel without me, how he wouldn't know what was going on.  The dog is neurotic and a big weenie anyway--I mean, he cowers when you close the lid of his treat jar too loudly.

And then I did a very stupid thing and started looking up his little tumor thing online and got myself all scared and nervous about what this could mean.  Even though I know that he'll probably be fine, and I know that the vet seemed to think this was pretty routine, I didn't do a very good job of keeping my mind from going places I shouldn't let it go.

So there were some tears.

And then I got up this morning and dropped off my baby dog at the vet, and there were more tears.

And then I came home and told Matt about dropping my baby dog off at the vet, and there were more tears.

And then I got it together, went to work for 2 hours (dream work day), came home and called the vet to see how the surgery had gone.  The vet put me on hold, and this was the song that was playing as their on-hold music.



Are you f'ing kidding me?  That was the song I used to listen to when I was in high school and wanted to cry.  Great.  Also, vet, don't let that song come on ever again.

So, duh, more tears.

And then Matt tried to cheer me up by having me look at these 21 Pictures That Will Restore Your Faith in Humanity.  He said they'd cheered him up earlier.  And they were quite heartwarming, but in a sad happy kind of way.  Like, the second one was about Japanese senior citizens who volunteered to go into the nuclear plant so that young people wouldn't expose themselves to radiation.

Cue the waterworks.

So Matt showed me this commercial.



More tears.

And then Matt had to call the vet to check on Mitch because I was too much of a mess.

Mitch was fine, but groggy.  More tears.   This time just because.

So while until the time that I could go get him, we watched part of the HBO documentary about George H.W. Bush.  What part did we catch?  Oh, just the part about how his 4-year old daughter died from leukemia.  Jesus H. Christ!

Finally, I got to go get my pup, and when they brought him out he was wobbly and pitiful.  He immediately plopped down on the floor and his vision must've been fuzzy because he didn't really respond to me at first, but then after about minute he smelled me and stood up and his tail started wagging and he seemed happier.  Still the most pitiful thing you've ever seen, with his light whimpers and lampshade and watery eyes.  He was crying, too!

I told you were are soulmates!

I'm so grateful that I have time off work to spend at home with my sweet furbaby, and the 10 days that he'll have to wear his cone collar can't go by fast enough.

Please send him your love and happiest of thoughts!

Wish Us Luck!

This morning my sweet baby dog, my firstborn, is having a little surgery.  It shouldn't be a big deal.  Buddy has a tumor in a place that you really don't want to have a tumor (well, I mean, do you ever want a tumor anywhere?), and he's having it removed.  Hopefully his procedure will go swimmingly, and after a few days of pitiful lampshade wearing, he'll be good as new.

I'm consoling myself with the knowledge that we have a lake house vacation fast approaching and that I am off for summer break so I can dote on him and feed him yogurt-covered pretzels and cuddle with his sweet self for a few days.

Anyway, think of us and send us all of your happy thoughts!  It'll be a hard day for our little family.

Things That Suck and Things That Are Awesome

I know you're probably sitting there, tortured by the knowledge that you lack the mad titling skillz that I have.    Sorry.  We can't all be the best at coming up with blog post titles.

Also, I should extend some apologies for leaving up a crappy post about almost being murdered in a wave pool in the mid-80's for a week and a half.  There you were, coming back, day after day, looking for a great title and maybe a picture of ice cream and I totes failed to deliver.  Shoot.

Well, a fair amount's been going on around these parts.  But for realz, don't get your hopes up too much that what I have to say will be interesting because I have to devote most of my mental energy to talking to a 12-week old and coming up with lyrics to song parodies that use his name.  (New favorite: "My Baby Charlie" to the tune of "That Girl is Poison")  You don't have to tell me that it's lame, but it'll all be worth it in a couple of years when I can train him to do stuff for me like get the remote.

Let's start with the ones that suck.

1.  Mother fucking car.  I love our Volvo.  I do.  It was given to us by the Obama volunteer who lived with us during the 2008 campaign after he abandoned it in a Home Depot parking lot about an hour from here.  It's comfortable and sturdy and has roof racks that make people think that we're outdoorsy.  But it also came out the year I graduated from high school and has been quite costly lately.  Like, more than a month's pay costly.  We've been toeing the line between deciding to put more money into it or just getting something else, and it's in that tricky spot where the decision is just so hard to make.  Well, at least it's a presidential election year.  Guess we better sign up for another Obama volunteer.

2.  Mother fucking washing machine.  Our washing machine recently decided that it doesn't like to drain.  That's fun, especially with a tiny baby, with the massive amounts of laundry that we do each week, and with cloth diapers.  Even more fun?  When I decided to take the washing machine apart last night after watching half a minute-long how-to video on YouTube and ended up flooding my living room and kitchen and then got to spend two hours mopping.

But there are some silver linings and other awesome happenings.

1.  We just replaced the timing belt in the car, and it was expensive.  BUT!  Apparently when timing belts go in Volvos, they always bend valves (I have no idea what that means) and when they bend valves it means that the repair is like $3000.  Our awesome mechanic said that I was the luckiest girl in Savannah, and that he'd never seen one where the timing belt went out but the valves didn't bend.  PLUS!  I had a couple of coupons for auto repair (horray for rewards points!), and it saved us like $400.

2.  That silly house-flooding escapade of mine last night somehow ended with a washer that works.  I don't really know how, but I'm happy.  And I needed to mop anyway.

3.  And, really, why wouldn't I be happy?  IT'S SUMMERTIME!  And we live in a cool place with lots of fun free stuff to do, like take cute tiny babies to the beach.

4.  And that tiny baby slept for 10 hours uninterrupted last night!  Shoot yeah!

5.  And we had a lovely Father's Day!  There were burgers and walks and grilling and chillaxin' and ice cream eating.  Also, why is malted milk ice cream so good?  And why have I already eaten 3 bowls of it today?

6.  Teen Mom's back on!  And I've got Matt watching it now.  Should Matt and I dress up as Amber and Gary for Halloween or what?

8.  Our refrigerator is so nice and organized right now.  And there will be some serious ice creaming happening soon (even if I decide to just make several gallons of malted milk ice cream).

Just regular ice cream.  None of this freaky stuff.  Sorry to disappoint.

9.  In less than a month we'll be heading north to visit friends and family and introduce them to Chaz.  Can't wait to see that little cuteness with people we've loved for years.

10.  Mitch is still the cutest dog this side of the Mississippi.  He's been so good and patient with his brother these last few months.  We're very lucky that when Charlie cries, Mitch just gets up and leaves the room--lucky that Mitch hasn't tried to eat him.

Want to see some pictures of a cute, intelligent, strong, articulate baby?  Okay!

 He's going to be pissed when he figures out that that baby he's been flirting with is really just his reflection.

And with that, I'm off [to lie on the couch and see if I can't get Matt to fetch me my fourth bowl of ice cream for the day]!  Have a great week!

Silver Anniversary: Why Wave Pools Aren't Funny

To me, clowns aren't funny.  In fact, they're kind of scary.  I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.

--Jack Handy

Three things you should know on this fine Thursday.

1.  Charlie slept in his crib for the first time ever last night.  I've never been so proud of anything (well, I was pretty proud of these, and this, and this, and this) in all my life.   Amazeballs!

2.  Tomorrow is the last day of school.  No day in my life has ever gone by as slowly as today did.  Hopefully tomorrow goes by in a flash--until 3:00 when I will crack (rip?) open my celebratory box of wine.

3.  I remember random dates.  Like, sometimes I'll be all, "Hey, I do believe today is the 20th anniversary of Johnny Carson's last episode of The Tonight Show," or, "Isn't today the birthday of that one-eyed Jehovah's Witness I used to have a crush on?" and, sure enough, I'll be right.  It's weird.  I mean, I can't remember the endings to movies I've seen multiple times, but I can, on occasion, remember inane facts and dates.

So, anyway, today I was sitting at my desk, my ego all apuffed* because I'd gotten the baby to sleep in his crib, working extremely hard while my students worked extremely hard* and I realized that today was June 7.  "Hmph," I thought, "that's my parents' anniversary."  Now, we don't celebrate that anymore since they've been divorced for almost a decade, but then I remembered that on their anniversary in 1987--25 YEARS AGO TODAY!--we went to Carowinds, to the wave pool, and I narrowly escaped death.  I'm pretty sure I've talked about this on here before, but I was six years old and just splashing around in the wave pool when people started screaming like crazy and my mom started freaking out trying to get me out of the pool.  Two girls had been shot in the pool.  I don't think I knew that at the time, though.  I just remember that it took forever to get out of the park because they had to search everyone to try to find the gun or shooter.  Turned out it was a handful of redneck bozos shooting machine guns into the air like a 1/2 mile away.  Brilliant, assholes.

25 years ago today I almost died.  What'd you do 25 years ago?


*Yeah, that's totally a word.  I'm like a modern-day Shakespeare, huh?

*Because, duh, that's what you do on the last two days of school.  You DO NOT blow up beach balls and move all of the desks to the side of the room and play dodge ball, like some people I know.

This and That

Let's talk about a few things for a hot minute here.

 1. The vending machine at school now takes credit cards, which means that I have been eating like complete shit every day at school. I really need to stop, too, because I'm afraid that I'm going to somehow influence young Charles and he'll grow to subsist only on Cheetos and Twix bars. And don't we all want our kids to be better than we were?

 2. I love powder cheese. I know it's disgusting and loaded with chemicals and likely part of the reason that I can't focus on anything for more than five seconds, but I love it. I love licking it off of my fingers, I love Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, and I love the Doritos Loco taco from Taco Bell. Admitting this on the internet feels akin to admitting that I bite my toenails or something (I do not bite my toenails). Is there some kind of support group for this?

3. I've been sick since Saturday, which sucks in regular life but super sucks in life with an infant. I want to just lie in bed with my dog and take one nap after another, but I now have a wee babe that I have to keep alive, and he's not too keen on letting me take naps. Also, I really don't want to get him sick, and short of just washing my hands a bunch and trying my best not to breathe on him, I don't know how to keep him from my germs. Oh, and we had to stop playing our latest favorite game, Miami Cannibal. Babies love when you pretend to eat their faces.

4. Made these cookies. They were really good, but more work than I feel like a cookie should be.

[source]

5. Want to see the cutest baby you've ever seen in his new favorite contraption? Okay!

6. I feel like Mitch and I need to go on a little vacation by ourselves. We haven't had a lot of good quality time together lately, and it makes me sad.

7. Matt and I haven't tried a new dinner recipe in a while. We feel like we're doing well by actually cooking dinner regularly instead of just going out, so we're not beating ourselves up about it or anything, but I'd really like a new dinner. This peanut chicken looks pretty tasty, doesn't it?

8. School's out on Friday! It's weird this year, though, because I'm torn about summer. On one hand, I can't wait. On the other, I am kind of afraid of returning home to babyland for two months. I wish that I could still go to work, except that I would only have like 2 students at a time, and that the workday would be from about 10:00-1:00. And I would like to get paid twice as much, while we're at it. How can I make this happen?

9. Want cake. Now.

10. Also, Matt and I are both in love with Adam from Girls.

11.  Babies love ribs.

12. Babies also love hats.  They love the hat even more if the hat features a pirate octopus.