Weekend Fun

What a fun couple of days it's been!  Even though the weather was a little more thunderstormy than my favorite pup would like, it's been just lovely and cozy inside.  I'm still trying to fight off the lingering effects of this, the cold from hell, so maybe I drank a couple of gallons of Simply Grapefruit juice?  But it doesn't matter because we had laughs, and bolognese in the freezer, and new fall TV to watch, and good shopping scores, and friends, and a clean house, and enough motivation to knock out a huge stack of essays that absolutely had to be graded by Monday morning.  The laundry's done, the floors are as clean as they're going to be, considering that it's storming outside (and I absolutely refuse to mop when it's raining), the papers graded, and the fridge is full of restaurant leftovers.

Oh, and the Buffalo Bills beat the Patriots, which hasn't happened, apparently, since before the Civil War.  It is, in our household, a VERY BIG DEAL and my husband will tell you over and over again just how big a deal it is.  Oh, and I'm winning my fantasy football league (a league that I've done absolutely nothing for except for check to see if I'm winning--thank you super fantasy football husband!).  

Here's what it looked like.

Raining while the sun is shining.  You know what that means, right?  The devil is beating his wife.  

By the way, who would even marry the devil? 

Getting nervous. 

 At this point I was pretty sure the Bills were going to choke and that Matt was going to be in a 

bad mood for the rest of the night.

Would you look at that?  Pretty cold in hell right now. 

 Most hilarious gang tag vandalism thing.  Oh, you thought it was about lemon and lime?  Well, you were wrong.  

This one's all about hatred and bitterness.

The happiest Bills fan.

Sweet baby gifts from a friend.  Mitch is pretty sure he's going to steal that elephant when the time is right.

Right now I'm off to ellipt whilst watching Amazing Race, and Breaking Bad.  I love fall TV!  I do not love crazy dreams where I am involved with the drug cartel and accidentally to blame for lots of deaths and/or murders.  More on that later.  I blame The Blast.

Happy fall to you!  

This and That: The With Child Edition

I totes promise that not every post is going to be about this stuff, but I haven't been able to talk about it for two months, so I've got some things to share, some questions to answer.

1.  At first, I was really afraid to sneeze because I thought I'd sneeze out The Blast.  I'm starting to get less afraid of that now.

2.  I really, really, really miss wine and margaritas.  Maybe that makes me a big ol' lush, but I don't care.  When Matt gets a margarita when we go to Mexico, I just huff it and pretend that I am feeling its leg tingling effects.  Then I look down and say something sweet and maternal through gritted teeth along the lines of, "You had better be so smart and so cute."

See you in April, old friend.

3.  Oh, I'm 13 weeks along.  Blast is due on March 28, which is the day after my birthday.  I'm really selfishly afraid that it's going to steal my birthday.  I am shooting for an April 1 birthday because I think that would make for fun future birthday parties, and because I want my birthday to come first.  Also, no, this is not one long joke.

4.  I haven't had morning sickness at all, and I'm hoping that I'm in the clear on that one.  I have been tired as a mofo, but that's pretty much how I am anyway, so it hasn't been all that different.  Oh, and food cravings, I have those, too.  But, again, kind of like me in non-pregnant form.  Crying easily?  Duh.  So, yeah, basically I have spent my entire adult life pregnant in the first trimester, except that I could drink wine and jump on trampolines and go in hot tubs and do street drugs.*

5.  Sometimes it just seems boring to only have a chance of having a boy or a girl.  What if it could be a polar bear, or a cheetah, or an American Dingo??!!  Matt says that would actually suck because then you'd run the risk that it could be a cockroach or something gross like that.  He kind of has a point there.  But what about an elephant?  Nope--too long without wine.  Human boy or girl will be fine, I suppose.

6.  Our office room looks like a baby store!  More on that later.  By the way, they make so much crap for babies.  It's really overwhelming.

7.  Yes, we're hoping that Mitch doesn't eat it.

8.  The name will not start with an M.  Our name alliteration was unintentional, and I'm nervous about people thinking we're like the Duggars or something.  And, unfortunately, we're probably not going with any WTF initials, even though that would be SO AWESOME.  Wouldn't you love it if you could initial things WTF? Or get monogrammed towels that said WTF?  Amazing.  Maybe we'll have to rethink that one?

9.  I don't know if we'll change the name of the blog or not.  Can I just add a plus to it and make it like an equation or something?  I don't know, though.  I'm not very mathy.  If you've got ideas, let me know.

10.  Got an ultrasound at 10 weeks and thought that perhaps I was growing a young Voldemort.

11.  This kid is huge.  Huge, I tell you!  I'm really afraid of giant babies because I watched my mom birth my 10 pound 14 ounce brother at some hippie natural birthing center when I was 4.  I've always known that there was a chance that I would have a giant, Weekly World News kind of kid, which is one of the many reasons I resisted this whole pregnant thing for so long.  At our first appointment, Blast measured 4 days ahead.  At the second, 5.  At the latest appointment, Blast was measuring 10 days ahead, which is, well, huge.  So maybe it's not a Voldemort so much as it's a Hagrid?

And with all that said, we couldn't be happier, and we can't wait to meet and then groom a little human to be way more awesome than either of its parents.


*One of the lists of what I couldn't eat or drink or do now mentioned that I should be avoiding street drugs.  Oh, shoot.  No more angel dust for me, I suppose.**


**That is a joke.  I only do heroin.***


***Also a joke.

Baby Book Party!

I'm generally not one for themed parties.  Usually I just want some good food and some tasty beverages that make my legs tingle and I'm set.  Sure, tissue pom-poms are cute, and the themed parties look fantastic in pictures and whatnot, but it's just not my thing.  Probably because I'm cheap.  And lazy.  Oh well.

But during my cross-country travels this last week, I read about this book-themed baby shower in April's Martha Stewart Living.  And I just loved it!  Everything was so pretty, and most of the decorations seemed to have a practical purpose as well.  I was especially drawn to these book labels and invitations (that you can totally download on Martha's site!).

 [source]

Aren't they fantastic?  Oh, and again, don't go getting all excited thinking that I'm growing a spawn in my uterus.  I'm not.

But if I keep making my sexy face at Matt, maybe it'll happen one day.

How could he resist these bedroom eyes?

Phew!

Um, uh, did we get a pet rabbit?

And is this rabbit trying to tell us something?

 

Nope.  Just a dingo who wanted a little midnight snack.  Phew!*

*Um, also, I was so relieved that it was only dog food in my bed, and not, in fact, excrement.  Where did my life go wrong?**

**Also, it's not like we often have excrement in our bed.***

***Ever.  It's not like we ever have excrement in our bed. 

On the Upswing

I've spent the last nine or so hours being a grouch, but that is no more.  I have myself a jug of Simply Grapefruit juice, a new bottle of Sally Hansen's Complete Salon Manicure nail polish, and MTV is playing The Hills from the very beginning! 

And, as though that were not enough. . .I found something pretty amazing today while perusing Amazon for $5.05 more in purchases (ended up buying a toy for Mitch) so that I would qualify for FREE SUPER SAVER SHIPPING. (!) 

But, first, some back story.

Mitch is a dingo.  Dingoes eat babies.  Everyone knows that.

But it's considered poor form to feed actual human babies to your dog (or so I've heard), so I thought it would be fun to get a baby-shaped cookie cutter for his homemade dog treats.

First, I found this one:

I got this one at a kitchen store downtown, but it didn't seem to have the shock factor that a more authentic baby shape would lend.

But tonight I found this one:

Much better, wouldn't you say?  I would really enjoy pulling one of these babies (ha!) out of the treat tin for Sir Mitchell.

But wait.  It gets ever better and more disturbing.  Because after I found choice #2, I found this one, the most haunting cookie cutter that has ever existed:

Ummmmm, fetus-shaped cookies?  Gross.  Also, I am buying one.  Like, now.

Cute Baby Animals

Last post was a downer. So, I now give you some cute pictures of baby animals that I stole from the Google.

BABY DINGOES!

It's Friday! What are your big plans for the weekend (besides, of course, Googling "baby animals" and smiling)?

Babies Three Ways

Sounds like a gross dish from Top Chef, huh? (sauteed, pureed, and grilled?) Anyway. . .

First of all, I finally got to open up my dingo-ate-the-baby tote. I LOVE IT, and can't even look at it without laughing. Is there a way to work A Cry in the Dark into the ninth grade curriculum? Sounds like it's time for some creativity.

Second, remember these signs? Well, today I saw one in real life! The one I saw, though, said "You can LOOK at the baby, but please don't touch." And the O's in the the word look were drawn to have googly eyes. How cute. Oh. . .and how insane! Is the baby featured in a zoo exhibit? I wanted to feed it peanuts.

Third, I had a dream last night that I was pregnant. It was a nightmare, really. (I blame the two minutes after seeing Up in the Air during which I thought that having a baby wouldn't be so bad. Yep, 120 whole seconds and then I snapped right back into reality.)

In my dream I was showing, and didn't want to admit to myself or other people that I was pregnant, so I just kept telling people it was because of all the sandwiches. The most horrifying part was that this accidental pregnancy was going to make me renounce my position on birth control. Then I woke up and had to pee really badly (and I didn't pee out a baby, and no, I'm not pregnant). Apparently pregnancy feels like really having to pee.

So there you have it, babies on bags, babies behind crazy signs, and babies in nightmares. Probably a little better than sauteed, pureed, and grilled.

This and That

A few things to get you through your Monday. (Mondays are my worst days; I have school and then a class--a dreadful class that sucks my soul from my body--and I don't get home until around 7:00. Boo hiss. The up side is that Matt usually has dinner ready for me when I return home, just like a 1950's housewife.)

• First, if you feel like you just can't find the perfect gift for that special someone, try the above rug. It's only 1K, and if you really want, you can have it autographed by Sarah Palin. (Okay, so that last part's a lie, and no polar bears died for the sake of this rug. It's from Etsy, and you can buy it here.)
• Speaking of Etsy, Matt ordered my "Bad Dingo" tote bag just in time. He got the very last one! I am REALLY excited about walking around carrying the bag. When he emailed the seller, he explained to her that our dogson is an American Dingo and had a tag that said that he's a baby eater. (We got him a different tag when he got bigger and more fierce looking. Now it calls him a professional snuggler.)
• Speaking of Matt, he is currently watching football and yelling and clapping. Mitch is lying by my feet under the desk, terrified of his manic father and loud noises.
• Speaking of football, did you see that Smash Williams won the Heisman? I saw that, and I even got to throw out some fake football knowledge during the show, all stuff I've heard Matt say. "You know, Tebow's game won't really transfer to the pros. He plays much more of a running game and he's not as accurate at passing. . .It's basically the difference between Matt Saracen and J.D. McCoy." Everything I know about football I know from listening to Matt talk to his friends and watching Friday Night Lights.
• Speaking of awesome television, 60 Minutes had both Obam' and Ricky Gervais on tonight. It warmed my soul. I think that Ricky Gervais is perhaps the funniest person alive today.
• Speaking of funny, isn't it weird that I've had two cute kid posts lately? Fear not--I do not have Baby Rabies (thanks for the term, Carly!). That shan't happen anytime soon, or ever.
• But speaking of things that shall happen soon, I've only got five glorious days of school until Mitchmas break. Friday the Savannah family is coming for Mitchmas dinner, and my friend Maureen and her husband are coming for New Year's. She's a vegetarian. Any good vegetarian recipes you'd like to share?
• Speaking of food, I feel like I eat enough on a daily basis to feed a small country, or at least an elementary school. It's disgusting and terrible, yet I won't stop. Matt's going to have to knock out walls in our house and invest in a horse trailer just to get me out of the house.

Happy Monday to you! Anything fun happening? What are your plans for Mitchmas?

Christmas Gift Idea

Matt, here's what I want for Christmas. You may need to order it very soon so that it gets here on time.

A bag with Mitch on it!

Everyone else, I know you'll probably have feelings of envy when you see me strut by carrying my dingo digesting a baby tote, so you should just buy one for yourself. Early Christmas present!

Doe, a Dog. . .

. . .a dingo dog,

Running to attack the squi-----iiirrels.
He will eat them with his teeth,
And while watching it I'll hu-----uuuuuurl.

But I'm glad he's not afr----aaaaaaaid
To go into the backyard.
Now he's back to his old self
A jolly, snuggly guard! [dog]

54 Degrees and Raining

We live in Savannah. You know, balmy, hot Savannah. At this point of the year I am supposed to be putting talcum powder on my face to absorb all of the sweat. But no.

Here is my angry, "Stupid cold rain!" face.

It's cold outside, and it's raining, and Mitch hates it. This is one of those times when he channels his inner kitten, and he refuses to be outside if it is raining. Also, since he is a Georgian wild swamp dog, he's not accustomed to the cold.

So now nature is not just trying to destroy me, but it is also trying to destroy my son. Stupid nature.

Mitch.

In case you have not met him, this is Mitchell. He is perfect, and Matt and I spend way too much time talking about how cute he is. He is an American Dingo, and he will eat any baby he sees.