Good to Know. . .

As you probably know, we've been pro-baby around these parts for a little while. 

I'm still in disbelief, too.

I'm in disbelief because there's nothing that I'm more afraid of than being pregnant.  Nothing.  Not jumpy frogs, not albino killers, not anything.

Fortunately, our good friend Christina recently mailed me a book with some tips about pregnancy, and now that I'm better-informed, I'm feeling a little bit more comfortable about getting myself knocked up (or "in trouble" if we're talking Dirty Dancing speak).

For example, now I know that I need to ride that mechanical bull sooner rather than later.

And that it's not okay to eat monkey brains with a spoon while nurturing a fetus.

Or to continue taking 'roids.  (Oh man, what if I was with child and got poison ivy!?  Then what would I do?)

No keggers or skydiving, either?!  Now that's some bull jive.

Well, at least there's a spinning wheel of responsibility. 

I mean, if I have to go almost a year without digging into monkey brains with a spoon, then it's only fair that Matt would have to change more diapers.  Am I right or am I right?  Or am I right?

Fossil Cookies!

Hey, remember that time that Christina sent me this adorable little tin of culinary lavender?  Remember that time that she was going to come visit (ahem, Christina!) and we were going to rub the lavender all over our faces while watching Friday Night Lights and eating ice cream and cupcakes?  Yeah, me too. 

And remember that time that our oven broke, except that it's not broken anymore because we're renters and when something breaks we just call someone and they come fix it?  Yeah, me too.

And remember that time that my good friend Cris got me a subscription to Martha Stewart Living?

And remember that time that I took the lavender, and baked something delicious from Martha Stewart Living using my newly-fixed oven?  Oh, you don't?  Well, I must share, then.

So, I'd been determined to make something delicious with the lavender.  Christina sent me some lavender ice cream recipes, but I wasn't really in the mood for ice cream on Saturday.  Plus, it's hard to share ice cream, and then I just end up eating all of the ice cream and getting fatter and fatter until I can't move.  So, to prevent people from having to tear down walls just to get me out of the house, I decided not to go with ice cream.

But cookies I could do.  (Actually, cookies I can't do.  I find cookies to be the most irresistible of all treats, and could easily eat 150.  I would like to enter a cookie-eating contest.  Then I would like to enter a throwing up contest because I'd eat so many cookies that I'd have to throw up immediately, kind of like that time I won that pie-eating contest in college.)  Lavender cookies. 

I searched around a little on the ol' internets, and stumbled upon this blog, Our Life in the Kitchen.  By the by, Karen the blogger takes the most amazing pictures of her food, and she's a Publix enthusiast, so I kind of love her.  Karen had a recipe for Lavender Shortbreads, and I decided that it would be an easy recipe to adapt to create what I was craving.

So I made the dough.  And while it was chilling for what was supposed to be like two hours, I fell asleep--for ten hours.  Oops.  The next morning I awoke with lavender shortbreads on the brain, and before I even brushed my hair or teeth or changed out of my pajamas, I was rolling out the cookies. 

And while batch #1 (the grown-up batch) was baking, I remembered. . .the October issue of Martha Stewart Living had something pretty cool, Fossil cookies.  Basically, all you do is make an imprint in the cookie dough with a plastic bug.  And of course I have plastic bugs!  Who doesn't? (So fun to put in drawers to scare people!)

Here's my adapted recipe for Lavender Shortbread Cookies. 

Ingredients

3 sticks of butter (these are NOT health cookies)
1 cup of sugar
2 1/2 cups of flour
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 1/2 tablespoons dry lavender
1 tablespoon vanilla bean paste (or extract)

Directions

Preheat oven to 300.  Cream the butter until it's very light and fluffy.  Slowly beat in sugar, lavender, and vanilla paste.  Slowly add flour and salt.  The dough will be stiff.  Chill for a couple of hours or longer.  Roll into 1" balls.  Place the balls on cookie sheets and butter the bottom of a glass.  Dip bottom of buttered glass into sugar, and use it to smash down the balls.  Bake for 20 minutes or until the edges are browned. 

(For fossil bug cookies, smash the plastic bug into the dough after you've flattened it with the glass.)


Lavender shortbread cookies for grown-ups:

Lavender shortbreads for kids (and dogs who are mad because you put them on diet dog food because they gained five pounds, but who guilt you into sharing shortbread with them, which is probably why they gained five pounds in the first place):

I'm Lovin' It.

Not McDonald's.  I'm not really a McDonald's kind of girl.  (Which does not mean that I'm somehow above fast food.  Don't get me wrong: I'll eat the shit out of some Taco Bell or Wendy's or Chick-Fil-A--which I like to call Chicken-Fil-A just to be obnoxious.) 

Anyway, here's what I'm loving around the house lately. 

[Lavender, a surprise gift from Christina that I can't stop huffing.]

[Mitch being weird on the couch while Cassie reads magazines during her weekly visit.]

[Homemade candles, a Christmas gift from Maureen.  She gave me nine.]

[After-school snack of pork nachos.  This is a full-sized plate.  You'll never hear me ask why I'm not thin.]

[Lizards in lanterns never gets old.  Tonight, Matt and I watched a lizard eat a bug.  That might make you think that our life is really boring.  If you think that, then you've never seen a lizard eat a bug.]

[A dog and a rug and a blue floor.]

[And, finally, this crazy spider that I found in our yard.  Have you ever seen one of these crazy little dudes?]

Cookies and Creme Cupcakes!

On Friday I spoke without thinking--word vomit if you will--when I told my students that every student who received a 100% on their spelling quiz would receive a cupcake on Monday. Why did I do that? Stupidity, that's why.

Today, after doing laundry and cleaning the house and shopping and talking on the phone and making stew and homemade dog treats, I really wasn't in the mood to dirty more dishes to make cupcakes for teenagers. But it's important that I remain a woman of my word.

So today I thumbed through the 500 Cupcakes book that Christina sent for a good idea, and then figured out how to do it using Martha Stewart recipes. I used her recipe for Versatile Vanilla Cake (and I added crushed Oreos to the batter), and her recipe for Vanilla Buttercream Frosting.

It's like a cupcake dream. . .

And although I have licked the batter off of the spatula, I have not eaten a cupcake--yet. I did taste a tiny bit of the cake it and was gooooooood. Hopefully those great spellers will agree. Otherwise, I may have a mutiny on my hands.

Wal-Mart Feet

Thursday was the first time that I'd worn shoes in three weeks. I'm not barefoot girl or anything, but I had worn only flip flops for 21 whole days. It was wonderful. Of course, the no shoes/few showers combination took my already ugly feet and made them look like they belonged to a 75-year old barefoot mountain man who spends his days walking around the dirtiest Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart feet. Dirty, rough, calloused, peeling Wal-Mart feet.

Per the recommendations from friends, I indulged, and purchased one of these babies. It was kind of hard to make the decision as to which cheese-grater-like-foot-smoothing device I should use, but I ended up choosing the Dr. Scholl's one because 1.) It has the name doctor in it, so it must be safe (just like Dr. Pepper!) and 2.) because it was pretty pink.

I had to file my gross Wal-Mart feet for a good long while, but I am happy to share that after the hours of filing (and collecting gross shredded foot skin in the little catcher), I had nice, pretty girl feet. Matt says that I no longer have Wal-Mart feet. Now I have Fresh Market feet! Fresh Market feet! Horray!

I wish to celebrate by purchasing sassy shoes. Kudos to Cassie and Christina, who both won in life when they wrote to inform me that the gorgeous turquoise shoes from the last post are from designer Christian Louboutin and can be mine for the low price of $625!


Now there's just the small task of convincing Matt that I can buy them with all of the money I'll be saving on pedicures.