Puppysitting

Well, this is going to be a short post because I burned the bejeezus out of my palm while cooking dinner tonight and it kind of hurts to type. (Note: do not grab a pan with your bare hand that you just took out of a 450 degree oven.)

But I just had to show you who I spent the day with.  (Should be "whom I spent the day with," I know, but that just sounds awfully pretentious, doesn't it?)

Meet Charlie, my coworker's 15-week old Springer Spaniel.  His mom had to work today and asked if we'd watch him.  UM, YES!

She's lucky she got him back.

Mitch is happy she got him back.*

So, anyway, if you call me tomorrow and I don't answer, it's because I'm at the special doctor getting my uterus filled up like a gumball machine with little puppy embryos.  That's not creepy, right?  More or less creepy than stealing someone else's dog?



*My dog is a territorial asshole.**


**Also, Mitch***, what the hell did this sweet little fat-bellied puppy-breathed cuddle buddy ever do to you?  Nothing, that's what.  If you don't shape up soon, I'm giving all of your bones away.  And Camel, too.


***I know he reads the blog.

Too Much Cuteness for One Post

So, our neighbor across the street was having a yard sale on Saturday.  I thought about going over, but I didn't really want to buy anything and I wasn't up for awkward conversation and I was tired and had a little bit of a wine headache and I preferred to just be nosey from the window.

And while I stood at the window like this. . .  (PS--still wearing that exact same outfit)

I saw that she has a brand new puppy.  A little fat-bellied, puppy-breathed, needle-toothed ball of uber cuteness.  And then I got all flustered and jealous and I wanted to go over and distract her by kicking a skateboard and making it knock stuff over so that I could steal the puppy.  (Someone's been watching a little too much Toy Story.)  But that's a bad idea, because we don't need another dog for lots of reasons and because she would probably figure it out pretty quickly.  Dammit.

So to satiate my puppy yearnings, I dug out some old pictures of my Mitchell.  (I didn't have a digital camera back then, which is probably for the best, because there's just not enough digital memory in the world.  But our new printer has a scanner, so I can share them here now.)

Mitch was a really bad puppy.  Like really really bad.  And he still has days where he drives me and Matt bananas, when he whines and gets in our faces and barks and howls. 

But even during the worst of those moments, I can always think of him like this.

Be still, my uterus! 

 If you don't hear from me for a few days, it's probably because I'm off at some experimental doctor's office getting my uterus filled like a gumball machine with puppy embryos. 

Dogs and Chevys

Guess it's time to buy a truck.



Sorry about the silence around these parts.  It's back to work, back to routine, and back to wearing heels.  My feet hurt and I'm tired and I don't want to ellipt even though it'll make me feel better. 

The good news is that there's a good chance that we are going to win 330 million tonight, so I'll be able to get some more comfortable heels and some liposuction.

In Case You Missed It. . .

It's possible that I'm the last person on earth to see these two videos, but they're both worth watching.

1.  Dogs and snow couldn't be cuter.



2.  Planet Rock.  Caitie called me today to introduce me to this.  Can next year's Christmas card be a video one where Matt and Mitch and I all do this dance?  OR--the new camera (It came today! Happy eeeeeaaak! More on that later.) takes HD video, so maybe I can just make it and post it here for you.

Making Us Look Bad: A Post from Mitch

Hey, you guys.  It's me, Mitch.  I know I've been the worst blogger lately.  I've just been so busy lately, what with work and plotting to end mail service for the rest of time.  (DAMN YOU, MAILMAN!)  I promise that I'll come back soon with dog gift ideas and some other holiday-related stuff. 

Anyway, have you seen Jesse?  Basically, he's a dog who's trying to make the rest of us dogs look bad.  I kind of hate him, but I just can't resist his smile.  I want to put my scent on him.



Do you want to put your scent on him, too?

A Message from the Future?

Yesterday Matt got an email alerting him about a Facebook message he'd received.  Here's the message.

Okay.  Let's address this.

1. We do not know anybody named John Appleby.
2. We do not know anybody who knows John Appleby.
3. I am not with child.

I am so confused right now.  I mean, Matt and I have been pro-baby for 24 days, which is a record.  Basically, I've been possessed by biology.  It could still go away--school will often do the trick--but so far this year I'm even finding ninth graders adorable.  WHAT HAPPENED?

It's a sickness.

So, here's what I'm thinking.  Maybe John Appleby was writing to Matt from the future, because in a few months they'll become friends.  And in the future I'll go by Amanda instead of Mandy, you know, because of the newfound maturity or something.  That's a reasonable explanation, right?  More reasonable than the idea that perhaps there's someone else out there with Matt's name?

Who Knew New Jersey Was So Nice?

When we were in New York City (which I like to say the way the old ladies did on those old Pace Picante salsa commercials), Matt and I stayed in a one-bedroom apartment on the Upper East Side.  It was pretty cool because it was only about six blocks from Central Park, and Matt and I enjoyed being pretend New Yorkers for a couple of days.



And because we had a small (very small!) kitchen in the apartment, we thought it wise to bring a bag of pantry staples.  Matt and I don't normally eat out all that much in our regular life (too expensive and too bad for us), and by Wednesday of last week, day four of vacation, I felt like a big swollen sack of salt and grease because we'd eaten out for almost every meal.  Enter the pantry staples.  I really loved having the kitchen because it allowed us to eat one of our very favorite simple meals, pasta with butter and parmesan cheese, not just once, but twice that day.  So we saved between $80-100, and I found myself one step closer to having my wedding rings fit again.

We had to check out of the apartment on Thursday morning, drive across town (six miles and an hour and a half) to Brooklyn to drop our stuff off at Best Friend's "apartment" before heading to the Mets game.  We returned there after the game, and got to hang out with Best Friend and his good friend Kensie for a couple of hours before leaving the city life.

Let me tell you something about Best Friend.  He's completely in his element in Brooklyn.  He and his friend started their own farm, A Moveable Garden, where they grow organic produce and then sell it to the fancy restaurants around the city.  Best Friend moved to New York and became a farmer.  And he and Kensie, who have been friends for years and years and years, are essentially an old married couple now.  They live together in Kensie's studio space (Kensie is an artist, and is apparently quite good. I know nothing about art.), give each other tattoos when they get bored (Seriously.  Matt says they both look like they go the the funniest, most ironic prison.), and cook amazing meals on a hot plate.  They sleep on cots and don't have air conditioning.  And you know what?  I've never seen them happier. 

(left, Best Friend.  right, Kensie.  I stole this from Best Friend's Facebook.)

And then we left for our next destination, our friend Trina's house in the country in New Jersey.  We decided to leave New York at 5:30 p.m. via the Holland Tunnel, which took approximately 2 hours, after that is was only another hour to Trina's house. I don't know that we'd ever been so happy to see corn fields or to drive on quiet country roads as we were that day.  Trina's house was peaceful and nice, and Missy joined us the next evening.  It was great to just sit around and catch up with old friends. 

And there was Jonas, Trina's 6-month old Chocolate Lab.  Matt and I had been going through dog withdrawal, and we immediately fell in love with Jonas. 

Jonas also has a dog cousin named Toby.  Toby is perhaps the fattest dog I've ever seen in real life.

Both dogs had great personalities (though we were partial to Jonas), and it warmed my heart to be able to cuddle with a pup after a few days without my dogson Mitchell. 

Our time in Jersey was quiet and relaxed, but fun.  We ate cheeseburgers and hot dogs and talked and laughed and played Apples to Apples and basically just enjoyed being reunited with our old friends, Missy and Trina. 

Missy was supposed to introduce us to her new boyfriend Derek, but he was conveniently busy that night (read: she has invented this Derek).  The next day she disappeared for a while, and then showed up at Applebees with a very nice young man who claimed that his name was Derek.  Yeah, okay.  Nice try, Missy.

This and That

1. First things first.  Our internet connection has been restored!  Many kudos to Jason from Comcast who knew what he was doing and did it quickly.  At 10:40 this morning I was cussing Comcast again when I saw a Comcast truck at our neighbor's house directly across the street (but still not at ours).  And then at 10:45 Jason called, and saved our lives.  No more Panera outings, unless, of course, I'm in the mood to have someone stand right next to me (like RIGHT next to me) and spank their kid a few times.
2. Since it's summertime and I begin to purge money when I have too much time off, I've been picking up extra shifts waiting tables.  I forgot how much I hate the public--particularly those who get their kids all hopped up on sweet tea and then encourage them to smash up food and throw it on the ground.  Maybe I don't hate kids as much as I hate parents?
3. Speaking of parents, I almost became a dog mother for the second time when Matt and I were out celebrating our anniversary.  We'd gone to Wild Wings to use their wifi (crack addicts), and next to us were two twenty-something girls and their 8-week old tiny little puppy.  Oh, and what was the puppy doing?  Chewing on chicken bones.  Seriously.  So I almost stole the puppy, but Matt wouldn't let me.  After I stared at the puppy for two hours, one of the girls asked if I wanted to hold it.  Of course I did, and I asked if I could just have it.  The owner said that I could, but apparently she was joking, because she seemed really angry when I darted off toward my car.  Jokes.  I didn't steal the puppy, but in hindsight I'm thinking that I should have.

4. New favorite blog, that I got from an old favorite blog.  It's Catalog Living, where a hilarious girl writes captions for pictures of overly-decorated rooms in catalogs.  It's great fun.
5. Mitch is the cutest thing on the planet.

6. I bought more raspberries to make more raspberry sorbet, because it's my favorite new dessert.
7. Question.  I need you, readers and social etiquette experts, to settle a dispute. Are you supposed to go visit people at the hospital when they have a baby?  Or is that just for family?
8. I'm a little obsessed with our 10x10 canopy that we got for beach trips.  No more sunburns that make my face swell up and my eyes look squinty!
9. In a lapse of judgment last night, I bought Sally Hansen's insta-dri nail polish--color, Mint Sprint.  Now my feet look like they belong to a dead person.  Also, that is not my hand.  You were thinking it was a little too late for the canopy at the beach, huh?  Nope, I'm still pasty as can be.

[source]
10. Fuck you, BP.

Juxtaposition

If Reilly didn't go completely apeshit every time I light a match or blow out a candle, and if his mom would allow it, we'd keep him.  This cuteness is out of control.

Dogs > People

Stole this from Carly's Facebook, and I'll probably watch it 17 times today. I especially like the dog who looks like Fletcher who jumps on the trampoline.

Looks like Mitch is in for a weekend of learning new tricks. Either that, or he's in for a weekend of taking naps on the couch with me. Yeah, that sounds better.

Where's Satan?

Phone Pictures

I'm a cough drop addict. 

So is Mitch.

Any time I am eating a cough drop at home, this is what I see.

Damn spoiled dog. 

Also, because I'm being super productive today (and by super productive, I mean that I slept until 1:00 and ate four pieces of leftover pizza while watching the news and some horrible Jessica-Simpson-Goes-to-Japan-and-Acts-Like-a-Moron show), I decided that it was high time to sort through stuff on my phone.  So, on this very exciting Thursday, I give you a year in phone pictures (mostly of that spoiled dog).

1.  Grandma on her Blackberry.

I love this.  Here's my Grandma on a gorgeous summer day, lounging on her back porch, swinging and watching videos of cats on YouTube on her new Blackberry.  And the dog under the swing?  Why is he so cute?

2.  Fletcher.

Oh, aching uterus!  This was one of our first times meeting Fletcher.  I can't remember if we turned his ears inside out of if that happened while he ran around like a maniac.  It doesn't matter, though, because he has one of the cutest little dog faces.  And he's about ten times bigger than that now.

3.  Back in the Day Bakery meal.

Rosemary chicken salad sandwich and an old-fashioned cupcake.  Mmmmmmmmmm.  This was one day last summer when I decided that Mitch deserved to go downtown and see the sights.  About thirty seconds in, I realized that I'd made a horrible mistake, but was so excited about this food that I suffered through my psychopathic and racist dog harrassing every person who walked by.

4.  Bethy.

I took this picture in Olivier's parents' basement, right after talking to Becky on the phone.  Becky was devastated because she had pneumonia and was not able to go to the wedding.  We called her from the reception, and sent her this picture via text.  That weekend was amazing, but kind of bittersweet because I knew how sad Becky was that she couldn't be there.

5.  Cat at the vet's.

Took Mitch to the vet in December to get a heartworm test.  He's not a big fan of going to the vet, and while we waited for the results of the test in the lobby, Mitch discovered that there was a cat in this cage.  He barked; the cat hissed; I cussed.  It was less than fun.

6.  Maureen and Mitch.

When Maureen and Brian came to Savannah over New Year's, Mitch was not terribly generous with his couch.  But at least he'll let people use him as a pillow.

7.  Papers to grade.

Poetry portfolios?  Apparently I am a masochist. 

8.  Walk to Daffin Park.

Savannah has some beautiful parks, and lucky for us, this one's only a few blocks away from our house.  Mitch loves the long walks, and loves to roll around in the freshly-cut grass (and stain his face green).  I love being able to see fireworks from my living room window on weekends. Daffin Park is also home to the oldest minor leage baseball stadium in the country.  Babe Ruth played there.  That's pretty cool.

9.  Freedom Tickler?

Are you kidding me, gas station bathroom in South Carolina?!  This makes me want to go to Target, and to protest wars, and to eat some French toast.  Crazy ass people and their fake patriotism. 

10.  Cutest thing ever.

Blurry, but ridiculously cute.  I'll give him as many cough drops as he wants.

Should You Have Kids?

Well, that didn't take long.  The answer is no.  Thanks, STFU Parents.

Monday Already?

Why is it that Mondays and Tuesdays never seem to jet by the way that Saturdays and Sundays do?

Hope your weekend was great. Ours was relaxing and delicious. We ate bolognese Friday (and Saturday, and Sunday) and fajitas, both of which I'd highly recommend. And, somehow, neither are all that bad for you, which is nice.

Here are some random musings to take your mind off of actual important things:

1. Pioneer Woman's Dog Photos contest. You can either check out the Flickr page and thumb through 35,o00 pictures, or look at her selections. Here are just a few to wet your nose.

The pictures are gorgeous and capture everything that's wonderful about dogs. (They also make me want to pull out every dime we have in savings and blow it all on a new camera and some photo skills.) I guess it's time for me to implant more puppy embryos into my uterus. Maybe I can just sell my story, "THE WOMAN WHO BIRTHED PUPPIES," to the media, and then use that money to buy a new camera.

2. I love love love the fat rubber bands that come on broccoli. They're the BEST for holding together stacks of index cards. Nothing's more annoying than a crappy rubber band.

3. The Olympics and, more specifically, hockey. I'm not really into sports or the Olympics or anything, but Jordan and I did watch D2: The Mighty Ducks about one thousand times during the 1990's. We basically alternated between that and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze. Oh, the good old days before Netflix and the internet and OnDemand. Anyway, all of my hockey-related knowledge comes from D2, so today while Matt watched the USA v. Canada, I lounged on the couch playing solitaire on my phone and yelling at the tv: "DO THE FLYING V! YOU'VE GOTTA DO THE FLYING V!" And then Matt said that the Flying V was stupid, and then I divorced him. Yeah, who knows more about hockey? Matt? Or Emilio Estevez? The Ducks did win the Junior Olympics, after all. Stupid Matt.

4. Matt's Amazing Race cowboy team is growing on me, but it does seem like the game is fixed. Make it a little more obvious that you want Jet and Cord to win, why don't you, Amazing Race Producers? A lasso throwing Road Block? Come on!

5. I've been on a healthy eating/exercising regularly kick lately. I've been using Daily Plate to monitor calorie intake, and ellipting regularly. I love it for many reasons (the sleep, the feeling good, having more energy, remembering that I actually do like healthy food, finding my self control again), but I can't stop fantasizing about baked goods. Last week I was so haunted by the Girl Scout Samoas in the refrigerator that I finally just succumbed, shoving ten cookies in my mouth. And I've spent more time thinking about how to make the perfect Trix cereal cupcake than I've spent thinking about anything else in my life. Pathetic. How much is liposuction?

6. Undercover Celebrity Boss. Thanks, SNL. I especially like Martha Stewart.