Serve and Protect, My Ass

Our dryer broke again, which meant that I had to call a guy to repair it.  The repair guy happened to be African American, which sent my racist dog into a 2-hour long frenzy.  The dryer guy laughed and said "serve and protect, huh?" to which I just uncomfortably giggled, completely embarrassed by my bigot of a dog.

He is a Tea Party republican, after all.

Later that night, while Mitch was outside lying in his dirt spot, an evil murdering tree frog broke into our house.  I saw it on the door frame and thought that it was a leaf or something, so I tried to rub it off with my toe.  And then when the frog jumped on my foot, into the kitchen, and began to crawl up my refrigerator with its long murderin' poison legs, I screamed like I'd just seen the Trinity killer in my bathroom.  I screamed and screamed some more as the frog decided to stalk me from between the refrigerator and freezer doors.  It even whispered "You're gonna die, lady" in a scary Southern accent.

What did the dog do?  Did he hear his mother, the woman who birthed him from her body, screaming hysterically and facing death and then run to her rescue?  Did he kill the frog?  Did he call the police?  Did he even bother to get up out of his dirt spot?

No.

Serve and protect, my ass.

Scaredy Cat

Okay, so first of all, let me tell you that I'm not a big scaredy cat when I'm at the house by myself.  Sure, that time I was in the shower and Mitch came in and licked my leg I screamed a little.  Sure, I occasionally think that a ghost is messing with my hair or swiping cupcakes.  I exercise caution when I'm home alone--you know, by locking the doors and refraining from dancing naked in front of the windows--but I usually feel pretty safe. (And I sometimes daydream about how I would defend myself against a would-be murderer.  Three words: cast iron skillet.)

But here's the thing.  In the last two days, Matt and I watched all of season 4 of Dexter.  I won't spoil anything for you, but season 4 features, I believe, the creepiest, most disturbing killer of all time, and he's played by John Lithgow. 

Creepfest.

Horrible creepfest.

3rd Rock from the Sun will never be the same again.

Since we started the season I've not only been having bad dreams about being murdered in a bathtub, but I've also been scared to be at home by myself.  It's been years since I've been afraid to walk into a dark room, but I find myself rushing to get a light turned on, releasing a sigh of relief when I don't see a murderer in the bedroom, and then checking around to make extra sure that there's no murderer.  I've refused to close the shower curtain (something I nag Matt to do) because I'm afraid of the murderer hiding in the bathroom.

I tried to watch the Real Housewives of D.C. to wash the Dexter out of my brain, but it didn't work. (In fact, it just made me wish John Lithgow's character would head to D.C. to keep on keepin' on.) I listened to music, but that just made me more afraid that the murderer would be able to enter the house unnoticed. 

Guess I'll just be sleeping with a cast iron skillet under my pillow for the next few nights.  That sounds comfy.  (But it beats the hell out of being murdered in a bathtub.)

Key Lime Cupcakes!

Lately, I've been craving key-lime something. I think this particular craving comes from season 3 of Dexter, which may imply that I didn't fully understand what I was watching. (I don't want to spoil it for any of you. Also, if you don't already watch Dexter, you should probably check it out--like, today.)

Imagine my delight, then, when yesterday, whilst perusing my favorite cupcake blog, Cupcakes Take the Cake, I discovered a recipe for key lime cupcakes. And what's even more exciting is that I already had all of the ingredients in the house.

Cupcake time has arrived [again]. Here goes it.

The shield for the mixer was in the dishwasher, so I had to be resourceful when I added the flour.

Key Lime Cupcakes

Cupcakes

• 1 cup all-purpose flour


• 3/4 cup self-rising flour


• 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature


• 1 1/4 cup sugar


• 2 large eggs


• 2 1/2 tablespoons fresh lime juice


• 1 tablespoon finely grated lime peel (I used the food processor to make this happen)


• 9 drops neon green food coloring


• 3/4 cup buttermilk

Frosting

• 1 8-ounce package cream cheese


• 1 1/2 cups powdered sugar


• 6 tablespoons unsalted butter, room temperature


• 1 tablespoon finely grated lime peel


• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Preparation for cupcakes

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Line standard muffin pan with 12 paper liners.
3. Whisk both flours in medium bowl.
4. Beat butter in large bowl until smooth.
5. Add sugar; beat to blend.
6. Beat in eggs one at a time, then next three ingredients (batter may look curdled, but mine didn't).
7. Beat in flour mixture in three additions alternately with buttermilk in two additions.
8. Spoon 1/3 cup batter into each liner.
9. Bake cupcakes until tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 20-25 minutes.
10. Cool 10 minutes; remove from pan and cool.

To prepare the frosting simply beat all ingredients in bowl until smooth.

I topped mine with graham cracker crumbs, but you could also use toasted coconut or small lime wedges.

Enjoy!