If This Isn't Nice, I Don't Know What Is.

I'm not sure what I can even say about this week.  It's been just lovely in some respects: bidding adieu to students from long ago at graduation, not having much to do at work, eating lunch out, shopping, meeting a good friend's new lady friend, and making enough bolognese to feed a team of competitive eaters.  

But for some reason I've been really annoyed and crankfest crankypants all week, too, partly because I had so little to do (or that I could do) at work, because I was eating massive amounts of restaurant food, and because I have been floating around in this little limbo between school and summer.  And I won't complain about coworkers on the blog, but if I did I could've written about seventy-five posts about them this week.  But that would violate my ratio of positive to negative.

So instead of being all fussface about stuff, I'm going to follow the advice of the very handsome and sassy Mr. Vonnegut.

[source]

Here's what's making me happy right now.  (And so what if a disproportionate amount of it is food?)

1.  School is over.  Post-planning is over.  I've got to go back for little stuff here and there through the summer, but it's done for now.  Shoot yeah!  SUMMER!!!

2.  Awesome sales at Gap.  It's not easy to dress this boring!

3.  Bacon jam on homemade artisan bread.  Kind of the best thing that's ever happened.

4.  Back in the Day Bakery.  Probably my favorite place in Savannah.

5.  Frozen bananas.  "My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana.  I said, 'No, but I want a regular banana later--so. . .yeah.'"  Also, Mitch Hedberg.

6.  Fun prizes from the Target dollar spot.  I've got big plans for them.

7.  Cutest erasers ever. (Also from Target's dollar spot.)

8.  After-school snacks.

9.  After school, watching crappy movies and pigging out on Nilla Wafers in the guest bed with the dog.  Note the newly styled shelves, courtesy of one Cassie.

10.  Bossypants.  Awesomepants.

11.  The cutest little dog feet in all the land!

12.  Random inspirational quotes spread around the school via someone named Waffles.

And if all that isn't nice, I don't know what is.  

A Boring Account of My Day, and Potential Last Words

This week has been tough. And not even tough because anything bad happened or because of illness or misfortune. It's just been tough because I'm a spoiled little baby, and after having 17 days off of work, I found it very hard to transition back into real life--which includes getting up in the morning, wearing pants that don't have an elastic waist, and actually having real responsibilities again, both at home and at school. What! You mean my entire life can't be devoted to watching Mad Men and making waffle cones?! That's rubbish!

So from Monday through Wednesday I was a complete worthless blob. I would go to school and try to muster up energy to be good while there, and then I'd come home and take a coma nap. The coma naps were getting progressively longer, and by the time I woke up from Wednesday's 4-hour one, I knew I had to make a change. But then I didn't want to, and I instead talked to Matt and ate burgers (from the new grill) and watched tv and laughed and tried my hardest to ignore the messy house and the fact that I would have to get up again in the morning. I hate getting up in the morning. I prefer to exit slumber in the early afternoon. (True fact. If I had my druthers, I'd stay up until 4 a.m. and sleep until noon every day.)

So yesterday was my day to be active. And, boy, was I! I went shopping and bought these, the perfect trouser pants from Gap that I'd had my eye on since September. (Shoot yeah, 50% off clearance prices!)

 and here I am wearing them

And I got this shirt, which is kind of like a fancy robe.

I also went to the grocery store and accidentally broke the bag and dropped my loaf of sourdough French bread in the middle of the parking lot. And I ate it anyway. And it was delicious.

And I took down Christmas. That took what felt like eight days, except that it was really like two or three hours. I think Christmas decorations are kind of like having family visit--you're so happy to put them out, and then you're just as happy to put them away.

While listening to to a few podcasts.

And I cleaned. And vacuumed (three times). And I ellipted. And I took a shower. And I did laundry.

And then the dryer went kaput. And I was mad. So I made Matt put on an episode of Mad Men, thinking that the dashing Don Draper would help me to forget about the inconvenient death of the dryer, but then I fell asleep during the episode.

This morning I found a guy on Craigslist who says that he has 30 years of experience fixing dryers and that he'll fix it for $40 plus the cost of parts. Hopefully that's not code for "30 years of experience murdering silly women," because I called him and he's coming to the house soon. Anyway, if I get murdered, you'll know it was "George" the "dryer repairman."*

*Don't worry, the dryer is out in the shed, so I don't even have to let him into the house.**

**Also, I'm going to hide a cast-iron skillet in my jacket, just in case. That's my weapon of choice to use against potential murderers.

Merry Christmas!

We all know that the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.

But this Christmas it's been a little different for me, partly because I have a singing voice that sounds a little bit like a dying cat, and partly because, well, my Christmas has been more about other people--in a totally awesome way.

I'm not writing this to be all "look how great we are" or anything, but this Christmas--the last couple of weeks in particular--have been more dedicated to serving and helping others than they have been to taking daily trips to Target and Gap.  And even though I'm a little worn out and don't have as many new sweaters as I usually do this time of year, I can't remember a time I felt better about Christmas, about human compassion and generosity and camaraderie.*

Tomorrow will be about sleeping in, and opening a few gifts that are under the tree, and eating, and snugglin', and going to the movies. 

May your Christmas be as lovely!

XOXO

*And then every little good deed would make me feel so good that I was beginning to think that I was only doing them for that good feeling and not to help other people.  This is a dilemma that my friend Phoebe dealt with one time.

This and That

1.  Watched The Blind Side the other night.  Caitie had raved about it, and I think it was at that point where she began to seek out a Taco Bell mogul and wear sassy suits.  Anyway, it was on HBO OnDemand and I was tired enough to sit down for two hours, but not so tired that movie narcolepsy would kick in.  Oh, and I cried approximately 785 times. 

2.  Back in the Day Bakery's Cheryl has shared with the world her recipe for Old Fashioned Cupcakes.  They're incredible, and not that hard to make! (Though I couldn't bring myself to add 8 whole cups of sugar to an icing recipe, so mine was a little too liquidy.  In the future, I'll actually halve the recipe, because I'm good at fractions and don't want to get the diabetes.)

3. I love these v-neck shirts from the Gap.  I first bought the green, and then went back for the hot pink.  Then I got the dark heathered grey.  Then the heathered blue.  Then I went back and lost my mind when I bought the white, the fuschia, the purple, the regular dark grey, and the camel.  (On that last trip the shirts were marked down to $3.67/each, so I went a little bananas.)  Apparently, I am completely incapable of moderation.   Also, I don't need tshirts again until 2020.

4. How funny is Mitch's entourage?

5. Grandma Carol, I mailed you something!

6. Found a beautiful cake plate at Macy's yesterday.  Half off?  Yes, please.  Now I just need to make a chocolate cake.  This one will do.

7. Becky got me to watch Freaky Eaters this weekend.  It was. . .freaky.  How is the girl who subsists on cola alone (and not even some specific brand of cola?) even still alive?  I don't get it.

8. I was very, very happy to see the glee club team get eliminated from Amazing Race last night.  If I had to watch them serenade one more cab driver I was going to throw something at the TV, and then Matt would be mad at me for breaking his baby. 
9. Did I ever tell you that I was homeschooled in the sixth grade?  Yeah, my mom (who dropped out of high school) decided that she could do a better job of educating my brother and me than, say, a school full of actual teachers could.  So what happened?  I spent a year eating oatmeal creme pies and jumping on the trampoline.  And I would spend about one day each week doing schoolwork.  I was a little manic even back then, and would be either super focused and organized and hardworking, or lying on the trampoline in a Little Debbie sugar coma.

10.  Matt and Mitch are currently napping on the couch.  I think they're on to something.  G'night!

(This picture has nothing to do with anything.  I just think it's funny.)

Hello, Biological Clock. It's Interesting Meeting You Here.

I have rabies.

Baby rabies.*

I don't really know what happened, or how it happened, or what.  It started like this.  This summer there was much talk of my sister coming to live with us.  Our willingness and eagerness to have her come live here, though, wasn't to fulfill any inner desire to parent; instead it was to help her escape the throes of living with our psycho bitch of a mother and her asshole husband.  But Chloe didn't end up coming here (long story; it's not ideal, but it's better than where she was), and somehow that fight, that horribly emotionally taxing struggle, unearthed in Matt and me a desire to procreate.

What the hell?

It sure did, and we haven't looked back yet.  (Bud don't worry, there will be no baby Felds for some time.  But last night I talked to Becky about names, and she pointed out that I could give a kid the intials WTF, which made me want to have a baby tomorrow.  Winnie Trudy?  Wynn Thelma?  William Theodore?)  And now I find myself doing and saying things that are completely unrecognizable and out of character.  I'm interested in topics that would have made me want to puke all over myself just a few months ago, and I'll spit stuff out in conversation like "Well, when we have a baby. . ."  It's a lot like being possessed by a demon, I believe (even though, to the best of my knowledge, I've never been possessed by a demon.  Unless you want to count Parrot Bay.). 

One way that I knew that I'd completely lost my mind was that I was giddy about buying baby clothes this week.  (Not for me or any future Felds.  I'm not that crazy.  They are for Iris and Opal's new sister, June, who will be arriving in November.)  I don't even like baby clothes--at least I didn't like baby clothes before.**  But since I'm now possessed by a demon, everything's changed.  So this weekend, while shopping for Baby June, I gave all of my money to the Gap. 

But can you blame me?

(Gap had 40% off of all of the clearance items in the kid sections, so I actually got all of this stuff for $45.  There was also a three-pack of white long-sleeved onesies that I forgot to photograph.)

Well, I should go research cloth diapers or how to make homemade baby food or whatever else this damned demon inside me wants to do.  While I'm doing that I'll look around for the Mandy of years past. 

Happy week to you!


*Thanks again for the term, Carly.


**Now, there is one exception to this particular stance, which is Baby Gap and Gap Kids clothes, which strike a beautiful marriage between adult styles and kid design.  Basically, I want to dress myself in Gap Kids clothes.

I Will Always Be with You.

So here's why today was awesome.  I got a crapload of work done at school today (including dragging a cart with 600 lbs. of books across campus, sweating like a sweaty pig girl), I went to lunch with two super fun and sassy coworkers, I got my second pair of perfect trousers from Gap using my 40% off coupon, I checked out The Beatles' White Album from the library (and absolutely DID NOT load it onto my computer so that I can burn copies to listen to it in my car**), I got to go to Publix, I cleaned the shit out of our house, my phone (the one I broke with my tears) started working again after being buried in a Ziploc bag full of rice, I talked to Grandma Carol (love you, Grandma!), Cassie brought me a gorgeous bouquet of flowers (in JMU colors!), we ate BBQ chicken and pineapple quesadillas, I indulged in a few glasses of wine, and. . .I remembered the idea that Tanya and I had years ago, the idea that will likely earn us millions.

Here's how it all started.   Cassie was over for dinner, and after we ate, we sat around the kitchen table, just a talkin' and a laughin' away.  Somehow the topic of what we wanted done with our bodies after we died came up, and we all agreed that we wanted to donate our bodies to science.  But apparently, when you donate your body to science, the science folk cut up your body and look at it and stuff, but then when they're done dissecting you, they cremate you.  So we're stuck, then, with what to do with the ashes. 

So what to do with the ashes?  I initially suggested having a serial killer stick my ashes to a wall with his saliva, and to have his victims point to the ashes, but that seems really complicated and hard to orchestrate post-mortem (plus, I'm pretty sure it's been done before on some TV show).  Matt suggested putting his ashes in a coffee can and dumping them in the Pacific, a la, The Big Lebowski (a movie that I have watched in short segments over the course of eight years, and when I finally finished it I was all "Seriously, Matt?  That's your favorite movie in the world?***), which I think means that he wants someone else to stand there while his ashes blow into their face.  Cassie said that she wanted her ashes spread from some mountain in Italy, the highest point in Cinque Terre, where she and Hugh honeymooned.  She added that she wanted some of them thrown in the direction of the beach, so that the sunbathers would be coated with a little bit o'**** Cassie.  (Would that mean that they would suddenly find themselves able to cook delicious meals and arrange flowers beautifully?) 

And then I remembered. . .ASH PACKETS.

When Tanya and I were in high school, we were pretty innovative.  One night, we came up with the best idea of all time (well, second or third best--after the invention of wine and making dogs be pets).  Ash packets.  What are Ash Packets, you ask?  Well, here's what happens.  You die.  You get cremated.  Your ashes get distributed in packages similar to those that house the famed moist towelette (or wet nap, for those of us who are less fancy).  AND THEN, your Ash Packets can be distributed as favors at your funeral. 

And you know how your sense of smell is connected with your memory (like how I can smell Bath and Body Works' Creamy Coconut and immediately think of spring break '02)?  Well, for an extra fee, you can make your Ash Packet scratch-'n-sniff.  Did you always wear Clinique Happy?  Well, your Ash Packet can smell like that, and when your friends and family hold that little bit o' you, they'll smell you, too! 

For another small fee, you can add a little voice recorder chip.  (Now, this would require a little bit o' pre-planning, because, obviously, you'd have to record this before death.)  The clip could say something creepy like, "I will always be with you" or they could say something funny like, "BANANAS!"

And, people could collect Ash Packets.  You could have a whole wallet full o' them.  It would be like how you collected senior pictures senior year, or, if you chose, you could have one of those shelves that people have for shot glasses with the little individual spotlights.

I think it's a million dollar idea.  What do you think?  (For the record, Matt and Cassie both thought it was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad idea.)

**By the way, if I were to have a soundtrack of my senior year of high school, it would basically just be The Beatles' White Album.  Tanya and I would listen to it over and over again.  Our favorite song (well, her favorite song that quickly became my favorite song) was "Why Don't We Do It In the Road?". When Tanya and I made lists of the top ten qualities that we we looking for in a future husband, she listed, "A willingness to do it in the road."  I love Tanya.

***It's not his favorite movie.  It's one of his favorite movies.

****I am either feeling very Irish, or am having a craving for a Bit O' Honey.

This and That

1. Just finished watching True Blood.  I'm about ready for Sookie to get offed.
2. Brett Favre is such a drama queen!  This is why I broke up with him a few years ago.  Well, the drama queen thing and the way he just couldn't seem to make a decision.
3. Matt and I have been pro-baby for two full weeks.  That could be a record.  Understand, though, that I'm about to head back to school, and there's nothing like a classroom full of ninth graders to make a person anti-baby.
4. Thunderstorms = awesome.  Especially because I can cross off "water hydrangeas" from my to do list without having to go outside.
5. We went back to B. Matthews for brunch today, since last week's experience had been so incredible.  And guess what?  It sucked.  The food and service were lackluster.  Do we chaulk that up to a bad day for the restaurant, or is it just hit or miss at B. Matthews?  Savannah people, any thoughts?
6. I'm headed back to work tomorrow morning, which I'm actually pretty excited about.  This will be my fifth year teaching (how did that happen?), and I don't think I've ever been this eager to get back.  (I am, however, decidedly less excited about being to school at 7:15 every morning.)  In preparation for the coming year, I have:
1. Bought new pants.
2. Bought new shoes.
3. Bought new anti-frizz hair stuff so that maybe I will blow dry my hair for work and go to school looking like a real girl, not a hobo in a cardigan.
4. Bought a mini refrigerator. (Cost $50.  Will save me $90 over the course of one year.)
5. Bought a microwave. (Cost $29.  Decided that the refrigerator paid for it.)
6. Made a big to-do list of things to do tomorrow. (Two pages long!)
7. Refrained from drinking wine tonight. (Also, Georgia doesn't sell wine on Sundays.)
8. Thought a lot about how to tweak my American Literature class. (Less Puritan garbage, more Vonnegut?  Can I swing that?)
9. Set out my clothes for tomorrow.  (More of the hobo look since it's just pre-planning week.)  Also packed my school bag and set that out for tomorrow morning. (That's where my water bottle and missing sunglasses were hiding!)
10. Finished this blog post early so that I can get to bed and be at school at 7:15. 

Happy week to you!

True Love

Hello, you perfect trouser, you.

If you're in the market for some fantastic black (or gray or navy pinstripe) pants for school or work or just plain ol' hookin' (actually, you shouldn't be hookin' at all, and if you are hookin', this seems to be more appropriate than nice, sensible trousers), then scoot yourself down to your local Gap and pick yourself up a pair of these babies.

Also, Gap's been giving out these 40% off a single item on Wednesdays coupons, so get one of those, and then go on Wednesday and get the perfect trousers for a more perfect price. 

Oh, and in case you were wondering (yeah, like you were wondering), that is not my body in those pictures.  Girls don't get to looking like that by eating hot dogs four days in a row.  Seriously.  I've eaten at least one hot dog every day since Monday.  It's disgusting.  And delicious.  But more disgusting.

This and That

1. Per the recommendation of our friend Ann, Matt and I will be staying in an apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan for two nights next week.  Oh, and did I mention that it'll be cheaper than if we stayed in a hotel in Jersey?  Vacation Rentals By Owner, http://www.vrbo.com/.  Why am I just now hearing about this?

2.  Mitch is still the cutest dog on the planet.

3.  All clearance items at The Gap are currently 40% off the clearance price.  I have a purple heathered shirt with a boxer (human, not dog) on it that says CONTENDER now.  It was $3, what can I say?  I can say, "I coulda been a contender!" in a Marlon Brando voice.  I think I might have to go back and get the one with the football player on it that says "LOCAL HERO," except that I don't know any movie quotes that go with that.  Guess I could always just tell people that it's Tim Riggins on the shirt, huh?

4.  Finally bought and and put together a TV stand that is an appropriate size for our TV.  While I was on the phone tonight, Matt yelled to me, "Um, Mandy, were you supposed to have two screws left over?"  I told him that, yes, I was supposed to have those left over and that they were extra.  He seemed to think that was okay.  Truth?  There's only supposed to be one extra screw, but I don't think it'll be an issue.  If Matt and I ever divorce, I feel like tonight's events might have something to do with it (like if our TV fell to its death, which won't happen).

5.  Still obsessed with The Lagoon.  Also happy that I've managed to get Matt to refer to that room as The Lagoon.  I used this same strategy fifteen years ago when my mom was pregnant with Chloe.  It's all about persistence and confidence, people.  I'm happy to have a Lagoon and a Chloe instead of a sunroom and a sister named Emily.

6.  I'm paranoid that the oil from the BP disaster is going to reach Tybee Island.  Slate has a neat interactive map that animates possible scenarios for the spread of the oil.  It's both interesting and terrifying.  Also, fuck you, BP.

7. There is a pile of laundry in my bedroom that is as tall as I am.  It's all clean, but I need to fold it and put it away.  Ugh.

8.  Sometimes I wonder if politicians and other people in power understand the concept of video.

9.  I hate Angelo on Top Chef.  Also, True Blood seems to be hitting its stride this season.  The latest episode was quite good.

10.  I think that tomorrow, while I'm not doing laundry and while I'm not washing the car or cleaning all of the fans in the house (as my to-do list begs), I'm going to watch 500 Days of Summer.  And maybe eat a grilled cheese.  Yeah, that sounds good.

This and That

1. How is it that I'm twenty-nine years old and still manage to get shampoo in my eye at least once a week?
2. Stefan is my favorite Jeopardy! contestant in eight years.  There's nothing like the Tournament of Champions to make me feel like a complete idiot.  (Except for, maybe, getting shampoo in my eye time and time again.) 
3. Went to the beach on Sunday.  Wore sunscreen.  Still managed to burn my ass.  Time to break out the satin pajama pants. (Landed a plane on the beach.  Oh, wait. That was someone else.)
4. Have been having intense hydrangea envy while taking Mitch for walks through the neighborhood.  Decided to take action by buying and planting my very own bushes.  I'm cautiously optimistic.  If this doesn't work, I'm getting a ski mask and skulking around the neighborhood at night cutting blooms.
5. I love thunderstorms.  So do my new hydrangeas.  Mitch, however. . .not so much.
6. Thirteen more days of school, but who's counting?  Me, that's who.
7. Went to Gap and bought two more cardigans.  That's five, for the high price of $15. 
8. Mitch, still the cutest and most snuggly dog on the planet.
9. AND. . .Lost.  What the hell?  Why did I just waste six years of my life?  To be fair, I didn't care all that much.  Once I found out what the numbers meant, I was good.  But it's probably good that I didn't care that much, because I might have been heartbroken.  Every time I think of the ending I want to vomit in my mouth and spit it at Kate.  Lame.

Score!

What a day it's been for shopping! I stopped in Gap and they were giving clothes away.

I found three of these cardigans (mine are pink, darker pink, and brown):

One of these crew neck sweaters (in black):

Two of these pairs of pants (for Matt, one khaki and one grey):

And a khaki pencil skirt (that I couldn't find a picture of). . .all for $52!  Matt's pants were $15/pair, and the cardigans and the sweater were each $3.  The skirt was $7.  Not an outlet, not typos, just great sales.  There's a 97% chance that I'll be returning tomorrow to get more goodies.

Found any good sales lately?

A Perfect Day

What a week it's been!  This time last week I was frantically cleaning the house and running errands so that I could relax and enjoy birthday/spring break.  And after an incredible birthday celebration I got to hang out with Caitie and her daughter Phebe for a few days (and now we're relaxing at Matt's parents' lake house--more on that later). 

I hadn't had that much time to just hang out with Caitie--stress free--since we were roommates in college.  Those days were pretty glorious: roller skating around Harrisonburg, stalking professors, ganging up on our other roommates, sitting on the sidewalk waiting for cute boys to ride past on bicycles, eating freez-e-pops, skipping class, and lying on her ridiculously comfortable bed watching the "I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so--scared" episode of Saved by the Bell.  You get the picture. 

But we're grown-ups now, and being a grown-up is sometimes less fun than roller skating past a professor's house trying to catch a glimpse of her new Chinese baby.  Now we have real responsibilites and slower metabolism and stressors and bills, and even though life is still good, it's rarely as carefree as it used to be.  But this week?  This week has been like those days on Grattan Street. 

After waging war on pollen and these supposed allergies, I woke up yesterday able to breathe through my nose.  I took a bath, painted my toenails, cleaned the house, blogged, and waited for Caitie to get up.  Then we shopped and lunched and shopped some more.  I bought my one millionth hoodie:

And then we went to Forsyth Park on what might have been the most beautiful afternoon of the year.  Phebe came, too.  And I took 600 pictures of her.

Look at that FACE!

After people-watching and Phebe-watching, we met up with Matt and got ice cream at the Forsyth Park Cafe. 

And then?  Then what did we do?

UNIVERSOUL CIRCUS!

We had really good seats--so good that I was kind of hoping that one of the tigers would attack the trainer, because I could get good pictures of it.  But we don't always get what we want.  (I felt really bad for the tigers and elephants in the show.  I did not feel bad for the troupe of trickster poodles, which was probably Caitie's favorite part of the whole circus, because it was really obvious that their trainer loved them.) 

Meow!

The only disappointing part of UniverSoul was that the cage of death jumper guys from last year weren't part of the show. Good thing there's YouTube.

 When I called Matt during intermisison to tell him that we hadn't seen them, he responded, "Yeah, because they probably died."  Hopefully not.  (They're not being mean to tigers, so I'm more worried about their safety.)

When we returned home, Matt had dinner ready (we use chicken instead of shrimp), and then we all ate and talked and drank too much.

To sum up:  baths, beautification, shopping, lunching, parks, pups, pictures, ice cream, circus, pasta, wine, friends, and husbands.  It doesn't get much better than that.

UniverSoul Circus, etc.

You ready to be jealous?  Tonight, Caitie and I will be attending the UniverSoul Circus. 

Matt and I went last year with some friends, expecting it to be awful, but discovered that it is. . .AWESOME.  F'ing awesome.  Except for the elephants.  That part was disturbing.  There were shovels involved, not to mention animal cruelty.

So this year I'm taking Caitie.  She's in for a treat!

In other news:

•  I am about to wage war against pollen.  I have learned that Sudafed only works when paired with two glasses of boxed wine from Target. 
• We're heading to Matt's parents' lake house tomorrow.  I'm excited to relax and visit and eat my body weight in cheese and crackers.
• I want to go shopping.  I'm thinking Gap hoodie.  What would you recommend?
• I need to finish our taxes.  There's something about owing the state of Georgia--the same state that has furloughed me for five days--about nine hundred dollars that's making me drag my feet on filing.  Hey, Georgia!  You know what would make it easier to pay you that nine hundred?  Oh yeah!  The money from those furlough days! 
• It's gorgeous outside.  Methinks we should visit a park today.
• Lost and I have a love-hate relationship.  I think I'm ready for it to be over.  Truth be told, I only cared about what the numbers meant, and now that I know that, I'm satisfied.  The rest is just for fun, except that it seems to bring more stress than fun.
• And speaking of fun, I'd highly recommend Hot Tub Time Machine.  It's an exercise in lowered expectations, and I loved it.  But I should tell you that I hated it so that you will love it.
• Still don't care about Tiger Woods.
• And, finally, something delightful stolen from Andrew Sullivan's Daily Dish.

Happy hump day to you!