In Case You Missed It. . .

My SNL boyfriend and the ever-awesome Amy discuss the birth control issue.

I heart birth control.  And Seth Meyers.

Sour Grapes

A conversation between my 15-year old sister and me about family planning.

Chloe: Were any of us planned?

Me:  Uh, I'm pretty sure no.  Have you met our parents?

Chloe:  Yeah.  That's cool, though.  Planned kids are boring.  They all play soccer and have packed lunches.

More Birthdays

Birthday wishes to two of my favorite girls: Opal (2) and the birth control pill (50!). 

Things here are both uneventful and busy.  My days lately have consisted of avoiding unpleasant household chores, baking, ellipting so that I can eat all of the baked goods, and watching Breaking Bad.  I need two productive days to get me back on top of things.  And then I can return to my slothful ways.

Twenty-eight more days with my darling ninth graders.  Hey, isn't that the same amount of time that people often spend in rehab?  Or does it have something to do with zombies?  I have a feeling I'll meet one of those outcomes by June 11. 

Okay, I now have two hours to bake some cookies, ellipt, shower, and fold all of the laundry in the house.  Want to take bets on how many of those tasks I'll actually complete?

 

Babies Three Ways

Sounds like a gross dish from Top Chef, huh? (sauteed, pureed, and grilled?) Anyway. . .

First of all, I finally got to open up my dingo-ate-the-baby tote. I LOVE IT, and can't even look at it without laughing. Is there a way to work A Cry in the Dark into the ninth grade curriculum? Sounds like it's time for some creativity.

Second, remember these signs? Well, today I saw one in real life! The one I saw, though, said "You can LOOK at the baby, but please don't touch." And the O's in the the word look were drawn to have googly eyes. How cute. Oh. . .and how insane! Is the baby featured in a zoo exhibit? I wanted to feed it peanuts.

Third, I had a dream last night that I was pregnant. It was a nightmare, really. (I blame the two minutes after seeing Up in the Air during which I thought that having a baby wouldn't be so bad. Yep, 120 whole seconds and then I snapped right back into reality.)

In my dream I was showing, and didn't want to admit to myself or other people that I was pregnant, so I just kept telling people it was because of all the sandwiches. The most horrifying part was that this accidental pregnancy was going to make me renounce my position on birth control. Then I woke up and had to pee really badly (and I didn't pee out a baby, and no, I'm not pregnant). Apparently pregnancy feels like really having to pee.

So there you have it, babies on bags, babies behind crazy signs, and babies in nightmares. Probably a little better than sauteed, pureed, and grilled.

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things.

There are so many things I love: Mitch, cupcakes, sleeping, Matt, good friends, boxed wine, my little sister, the couch, and any combination of them.

But one of my very favorite favorite favorite things? Birth control. I love it, I find it liberating and empowering, and I firmly believe that if more people were on birth control (and used it correctly), then the world would be a happier and safer place.

And the more time I spend with 14-year olds, the more I believe in birth control.

Check out the awesome birth control effectiveness chart above.

I've decided that getting people to use birth control--understand it, revere it--is the cause of my life.

And it works--if the user simply follows the directions. I can't tell you how many times I've heard girls talk about how they got pregnant while they were on birth control, only to disclose later that they weren't actually taking it, or that maybe they had missed a few days here and there. Such idiocy infurates me. And if you examine the above birth control effectiveness chart (which I highly recommend), you'll see that the 2-8 women per 100 who still get pregnant while they are on, say, the pill, get pregnant because they are not properly using the medication.

I mean, seriously. If I have a bad headache and want it to go away, I can take Advil to alleviate the pain. I wouldn't dream, however, of claiming that the Advil was ineffective in curing headache pain if I didn't take it, or if I just looked at the bottle of Advil and sang a song, failing to actually take the pill.

We've probably all known a girl or two who "accidentally" got pregnant "even though [she] was on the pill." Uh huh. Yeah. Another name for those girls is "liars" or "The Virgin Mary" or "opportunists" or "crazy bitches." Pick your favorite.

I've known a handful of these girls, the ones who seem to view having a baby as a solution to the problems in their lives. Very smart, very wise, ladies. Sometimes I wonder if one of them was the one who sent in the above picture to Post Secret.