One Month In

Well, my life currently revolves around a very cute, very demanding 5-week old human.  All I do is feed him and watch the news.  So unless you are interested in how many times he has eaten today (one million) or what is going on in the presidential race (Obama rules, Romney suuuuucks), I've got nothing.

Except for pictures.  

Coolest baby of 1987.

Sometimes CSF and I have an antagonistic relationship.

Oh, and I have this video for you in case you need to see hundreds more pictures of little Charlie.

Things I Love

Man oh man.  Matt's parents arrived at our house right about the time my head was about to explode, shortly after I'd had a conversation with Shecky about how Charlie was growing so fast so quickly, and who knew that feeding on "your mother's soul" could provide such nutrition?  The last few days have been wonderful, and we've all been spoiled by the doting grandparents who are more than happy (and if they're not, then they're really good at pretending) to hold the boy who decided that he would like to be held 23 1/2 hours every day (he needs 30 minutes a day to hang out with his zebra).

So I'm much happier and content and un-crazy than I was this time last week, and I just wanted to share some things that I'm loving right now.

1.  Sleep.  I've been spoiled the last few nights by my in-laws who have been helping with the aforementioned needy young man.  I've always loved sleep, but now, oh man.  What I wouldn't give for a coma nap right about now.

2.  Girls on HBO.  Omigod.  Watch it now.  Later, after we've seen a few more episodes, we'll all talk about it like we're in film class with pretentious film students or like we're at a book club where people actually read the books and don't just go for the wine (a.k.a., a stupid book club).

3.  Grandparents.  Lifesavers.  For realz.  I'm happy that Charlie's grandparents are here right now, and I'm happy that my grandparents will be here in a few weeks.

4.  Mad Men.  Can't get enough of this handsome fellow.



5.  Crazy Baby Faces.  I told you he was possessed.

I think he looks like Chloe in this picture.

6.  Oreos.  Why are they so good?  And who buys Oreos that aren't double stuffs?  Crazy people?

7.  The cutest guard dog of all time.  Providing protection against the mailman and kids riding down the street on bicycles.

8.  The greatest sister in all the wide world, who turned 16 today!  16!  How did that happen?  I'm so lucky to have a sister who would send me this picture of an awesome bruise with an explanation that started, "Well, I was playing Hunger Games with my friend. . ."

Things Charlie loves right now.

1.  Boobs.  He's quite taken with them.  Apparently, last night Matt's dad introduced the boy to Christina Aguilera and her assets, and our boy wouldn't peel his eyes from the television.

2.  Justin Bieber. I told you that when the boy was all holed up in my uterus that he would go crazy kicking every time Justin Bieber's "Mistletoe" played, right?  Well, now it seems that whenever that little teen cuteness shows up, Charlie is quiet and happy.

3.  Zebra.  The boy lies down on his little mat and smacks at and loves loves loves his zebra.  Just last night, Charlie said to me, "Mother, when I am one can we please go on a safari so that I may see a zebra in the wild?"  He's very advanced. 

4.  Crap that makes noise.  I was all about avoiding any toy that played music or made a bunch of noise, until my boy screamed for the better part of a week.  And then it became Operation: Find Something That Makes the Boy Stop Screaming.  And what does the trick?  Yep, crap that makes noise.  It's fine, though, because there are different tiers of awful noises, and I can take lullabies and fake heartbeat sounds much better than I can take the sound of my kid screaming.  So there's that.  Sure didn't take long to sell out, huh?

Love and Marriage

[While watching an episode of The Amazing Race, during which the teams went to Tanzania.]

Mandy: Oh, is this where The Lion King was filmed?

Matt: Yes.  The Lion King was filmed on location.

Baby STD's

You haven't heard much from us for a week or so because our sweet little precious babe became possessed with a screaming tapeworm demon (a.k.a., "3-week growth spurt").  Basically, for the better part of a week, young Charles decided that he had to feed for about 12 hours a day (I wish that was an exaggeration), and he demanded that we hold him for the other 12.  It was wildly fun, if by wildly fun you mean "so awful that it made me ugly cry in the shower twice."  So there was that.  

The good news, though, is that the screaming tapeworm demon (oh jeez, does my baby have an STD? I totes thought I'd be a better parent than this!) has since been exorcised.  Today he's been just lovely and delightful.

So he's no longer looking like this all the time.

And he's gone back to looking like this.

Still, I'm considering going in tomorrow to get my tubes tied.

Also, during my time trapped on the couch in the last week, I have watched an insane amount of stupid TV.  I did feel like a better parent when I compared myself to the girl on 16 and Pregnant who was determined to get back to training to become a professional cage fighter, and I felt like a better human during MTV's True Life: I Am Jealous of My Sibling that featured such loathsome humans that it made the cage fighting mom seem like a Ghandi rocket scientist.  Also, the Justin Bieber Proactiv commercials that aired during every break made me wonder if, perhaps, it was high time that I find some more age-appropriate programming?

Big week ahead for us.  We have in-laws visiting (and not a moment too soon!), and I've promised myself that I will (I swear it!) finally get this kid a birth certificate.  He'll need it in 35 years when he runs for president.

Things I Love about Not Being Pregnant

Things I love about not being pregnant:

1.  Stomach sleeping.  Being able to turn over in my sleep without having to wake up.

2.  Lunch meat, cold and delicious.

3. Margaritas.  Sure, there was only one, and I had to drink it right after feeding so that I didn't get my baby drunk, but still.  It was the most delicious margarita I've ever had.  Ever.

4.  Being able to drink more than 1 tablespoon of liquid without having to run to the bathroom.

5.  Being able to clip my own toenails.

6.  Not going to work.

7.  Not having strangers comment on how fat I am.

8. Not living in constant fear of childbirth.
9. Eating cookie dough without feeling guilty.

But the best things about not being pregnant?  

Finally getting to meet my favorite little buddy, my burrito worm.

Blue Steel.

Getting to see my furry firstborn become a big brother.

And getting to see my favorite man become a super daddy.  

My heart can hardly take it.

Cinnamon-Sugar-Doughnut Muffins!

So, before Mr. CSF arrived, Matt and I heard horror story after horror story about how awful it is to have a newborn, and how we'll never sleep again, and how we'll never have time to cook again, and yadda yadda.  It was kind of terrifying.

But here we are now, nine days in, and it's really not bad.  It's actually pretty fun.  Have there been some moments at 4 a.m. when Charlie started crying and I have been a wee bit on the grumpy side and asked him, "Again? Really? Already?"  Sure.  But I don't have to go to work for a while, so it doesn't really matter if I'm up at 4 a.m. because I can go back to sleep when he does.  And the boy sleeps a lot.  Apparently, that's what babies do.

Matt went back to work on Thursday, and I had the baby for most of Thursday, Friday, and all day yesterday, and it's fine.  We've still been able to cook dinners and clean the house and take showers.  It's good.  It's fun.  It's like a giant exercise in time management and napping, two things that both Matt and I are pretty good at.*

I mean, it doesn't hurt that I grew the cutest baby of all time in my uterus.

And maybe in a week he'll become a difficult baby and I'll be eating crow, but until then, I'd rather eat the Cinnamon-Sugar-Doughnut Muffins from the Back in the Day Bakery Cookbook, since doughnut muffins probably taste way better than crow, and because they're super fun and easy to make, too.  I think they are like a little more adult version of cinnamon toast, which was one of my faves when I was a kid.  These muffins make me wish I drank coffee, too, because I think they'd be a perfect accompaniment to a good cup of coffee.  What a delightful Sunday morning treat!

Oh, what?  You wanted to see another picture of my cute baby?  Okay!

Back to the cookbook.  I know I've already raved about this cookbook like a million times, but if you need a baking cookbook, you really should get this one.  It's out of control.  And if you're not a baker but want to be, you should get it because the recipes are so accessible and don't use a bunch of crazy stuff you could only find at a farmer's market in Portland.

To sum up:  motherhood is not as hard as they make it out to be on Teen Mom (haha, Audrey!), Charles is so cute that I don't mind getting up to fatten him up, doughnuts taste better than crow, and you should buy the Back in the Day Bakery Cookbook.

Here's the recipe.  Have at it, party people!

Cinnamon-Sugar-Doughnut Muffins
From The Back in the Day Bakery Cookbook (my favorite baking cookbook of all time!)

Ingredients

For the Muffins
3 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder, preferably aluminum-free
3/4 teaspoon fine sea salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ground cardamom
3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons whole milk
2 tablespoons buttermilk
8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, at room temperature
3/4 cup sugar
2 large eggs

For the Doughnut Coating

8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted
1 cup sugar mixed with 1 tablespoon ground cinnamon

Directions

To make the muffins: Position a rack in the lower third of the oven and preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.  Lightly spray 12 large muffin cups with vegetable oil spray.

Sift together the flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, nutmeg, and cardamom.  In a medium bowl, combine the milk and the buttermilk.

In a large mixing bowl, using a handheld mixer on medium speed, cream the butter for 2 to 3 minutes.  Turn the speed to low and gradually add the sugar.  Continue to mix until the mixture lightens in color.  Add the eggs one at a time, beating just until combined.  Add the dry ingredients in thirds, alternating with the milk mixture, mixing just until smooth; do not overmix.

With a large ice cream scoop or spoon, scoop the batter into the prepared muffin cups, filling them approximately two-thirds full.  Bake for 20 to 25 minutes, until the tops are firm to the touch and lightly golden.

While the muffins bake, set up two bowls to dunk them in.  In one bowl you will have the melted butter, and in the other bowl you will have the cinnamon sugar.

Let the doughnuts cool completely on a wire rack.  Dunk them in melted butter, then coat them with the cinnamon sugar.  The muffins can be stored in an airtight container for up to 2 days.

******

Oh, what the hell.  Here's one more picture of Charlie.

*Are you mad that I ended that sentence with a preposition or what?  

Weekday Fun

Here's what's awesome right now.

1.  Matt and I are rocking the socks off of parenthood so far, if I do say so myself.  We've always made a great team, and the last few days have even been fun.  Shoot, I slept for 9 hours last night (not all at once, but still), and little CSF is a pretty chill baby.  It's early yet, we know, but our incredible abilities to nap and our time management skillz are really coming in handy right now.

2.  The Elvis Presley Pandora station.  Charlie loves it.  

3.  Dog brothers.

4.  Mad Men.  We finally saw the season premiere (watched it in about 3 different installments), and it did not disappoint.  What did you think?

5.  Birthdays!  Yesterday was 31 for me, and while there wasn't much partying down, it was a nice day full of good food and snuggles and presents and love.  And about 30 minutes after I realized that I'd forgotten to go to Back in the Day Bakery to pick up some cupcakes for myself, a wonderful friend stopped by with 4 cupcakes and a card!  Shoot yeah!

Birthday present from super husband!

6.  The cutest baby this side of the Mississippi.

Hope you're doing well and getting lots of sleep!  

CSF!

Matt and I had big plans for Friday.  We were going to come home from work, take a family snuggle nap, wake up and make carbonara, and then go see The Hunger Games.

But instead I had a baby.

Yep.  I got home from school at around 3:10, ate a cheese sandwich, caught up on my Words with Friends games, and then went to lie down for my nap.  And then I had a contraction, and then five minutes later another.  And then about six hours later we got to meet Charlie.*

And we're in love.

More later.

Oh, and if you want to see some of the millions of photos that I'm taking of this child, go here.  I'll just update that album so that I'm not cluttering up Facebook and the entire internet with pictures of our really cute, brilliant, advanced baby.

*Never did get that nap.  Maybe in 20 years?
   

Taking It Easy

Monday the nurse at my doctor's office (oh yeah, because my doctor is on f'ing vacation right now!) basically ordered me not to do anything until Saturday because we're holding out for Sunday when my doctor gets back.*  No cooking, no cleaning, no nothing.  I am allowed to go to work, but I'm to stay seated as much as possible.  So that's been fun.  Except that it hasn't.  I mean, I can lie around like a sloth with the best of 'em, but I really don't want anyone telling me that I have to.

So super husband Matt has been doting on me, fetching me drinks and handfuls of Reese's pieces (why did I think it wise to buy a 10-lb. bag of them?) and being fun and cooking awesome dinners.  Sweet snuggle pup has been sweet and snuggly. And since we rushed to compete every pre-baby task last week, I have nothing to do now except sit around and get fatter and ponder such depressing questions as, "Did my water break, or am I really just that bad at controlling my bladder?"**

I think this has been the longest week of my life.  For serious.  And it hasn't been bad necessarily.  Just boring.  And weird.  I'm trying to soak up and enjoy our last moments as a trio, and trying to not sully them by complaining about discomfort or boredom or the fact that I get too hot when I lie on the couch for 6 hours.  I'm also totally exploiting the fact that people answer the phone really quickly when I call because they think that I am calling to tell them that I am in labor.  

I've been working so hard at school to make sure that everything is in place that I just today realized that I have, at maximum 17 more days with students between now and August.  (!)  So that made me pretty happy.  Plus, Mad Men's coming back on Sunday, and The Hunger Games is coming out, and I got to teach "A Rose for Emily" today, and we'll have our boy soon!

And since only about 3 things fit me anymore because I'm as big as a wooly mammoth (though, thankfully, a little less hairy), I've been taking fashion cues from one Rachel Green.  I am basically wearing this outfit right now.  So you just look at her and pretend that that's me, because I'm pretty sure that there should be no actual  photo documentation of what I actually look like right now.

So, yeah, check back in later and maybe I won't be pregnant anymore.  That'd be nice.



*Which is actually good and fine, because that fits into my plan of having the baby on the 25th, and it works better with school and all of that other bull jive, but man oh man I sure would like to be finished being pregnant RIGHT NOW.

**Turns out it's the latter.  Also, I am a poet.

Weekend Fun

Oh, you know what we don't have yet?  A baby.  Last Monday's doctor's appointment left Matt and me both in a little panic after our doctor and nurses all seemed to act like little CSF would be arriving sooner rather than later, so we rushed all last week to get every pre-baby task completed.  I was instructed to take it easy (after doc offered to just let me go to the hospital and have the baby on Thursday if we wanted) and to try to make it to the 26th when doc will be back from vacation (WTF, doctor? You can't go on vacation until April!).  So I've been trying to slow down and not do anything too strenuous.  By the way, I can't really remember the last time I was upset because I couldn't ellipt.

But the weather this week has been amazing and happy, and our windows have been open, the cookies have been delicious*, and the dog has been trying to melt our hears with his cuteness.  We sat out the St. Pat's celebration (though I hear that our sweet Savannah really outdid herself this year) and instead focused on tying up loose ends around the house and doing some baby reading.  As much as I would be thrilled to be finished being pregnant and to meet our boy, I know that it's better to try to get as close to our due date as possible (mostly because of the boy's lung development and the fact that the longer I can go, the less time I'll have to spend at school at the end of the year).  So we're chilin' out max and relaxin' all cool and all--and I'm getting pretty bored with it, quite frankly.  I give myself a little pep talk/reminder about every 2 hours that it's better to wait, it's better to wait. . .

Here's what it's looking like around these parts lately.

 If I lean forward, I can see my toes!  Also, I am forever covered in dog fur.

 Lizard hunting.

Kept seeing these yogurt dot things on Pinterest, and, honestly, I thought they were pretty gimmicky.  But Shecky and I were talking about them, and I decided to give them a try.  The verdict: awesomeness.  They're fun and easy and addictive and taste like they're way worse for you than they are.  Mitch is a big fan, too!

So that's what our life is looking like in these last days before our boy comes, the calm before the storm, if you will.  

What have you been up to?  

*Made the Back in the Day Bakery chocolate chip cookies again.  Made half with chocolate chips and half with Reese's Pieces.  I've eaten approximately 6 a day since Thursday.  Shoot.

Love and Marriage

Me:  Carseat's installed, nursery is finished, freezer is stocked.

Matt:  Cool.  Now all we have to do is raise a human from infancy to adulthood.

My Sister Is Better Than Your Sister.

My sister is better than your sister, and not just because she posted these two pictures of herself on Saturday. . .

Oh, is my sister a nice girl, or an evil goat rabbit?

. . .but also because she fills me in on all of the things that are hip with the teens these days.

For example, tonight she taught me some new terms (and also claims to have invented pops, but I assured her that Shecky and I were the creators of pops and that she's just desperately trying to be us).  So, if you're needing to save yourself some time and show everyone around you that you are hip and cool, take a cue from Chloe.

Is your mother-in-law crazy?  Not anymore.  Now she's just cray.

Is that baby so ugly? Not anymore.  Now it's just ug.

And does George Clooney look gorgeous in that tuxedo?  Nope.  George is gorge.  

See.  Aren't you feeling more hip already?

Chloe also told me about a couple of other awesome things, like how indirect status updates are all the rage on Facebook.  What is an indirect status, Chloe?  "An indirect status is like when annoying girls post stuff that's obviously directed toward someone, but they don't say it.  Like, if I were having relationship troubles because some girl was talking to my boyfriend, I could post something like, 'relationships are for two, but apparently some bitches can't count.'"  

If you ask me, that's totes cray.

Oh, and she also told me that if you google "do a barrel roll," something awesome happens.  Do it now!

Are you totes jeal that I have a Chloe and you don't, or what?

Oh, and don't forget to go leave a comment for the baby pool!  Winner gets a Back in the Day Bakery Cookbook!  

Happy Days! (And the Back in the Day Bakery Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe!)

Let's talk for a hot second about everything there is to be excited about right now.

1.  It's daylight savings time, baby!  Now, granted this means that I will be extra cranky come tomorrow morning and will, for two weeks, be proclaiming that I am actually arriving to work at 6:15 instead of 7:15, and I will use that as an excuse to do nothing at all because of how tired I am, but still.  Daylight savings time means grilling season, birthdays, and that the clock in my car will be right again.

2.  The beach.  We're headed there soon.  I love the beach, and I am determined to float today.  If the water's too cold, then I will settle for letting Matt dig me a hole in the sand so that I can lie on my stomach.

3.  Being spoiled.  I have my work baby shower tonight, and I'm excited to celebrate CSF with some of my favorite ladies (who are teaching me, slowly but surely, how to be a Southern gentlewoman--Steel Magnolias, here I come!).

4.  My new favorite term, pops.  Shecky and I decided that it was short for popular, and that's it's extra fun when used in conjunction with totes.  For example, "He's totes pops with the ladies."  Matt hates it, and says it's the worst thing ever, something that a huge douche from WB show would say, to which Shecky responded, "Exactly."  Pops is taking off, people.

5.  Productivity.  I've been a damned go-getter this week!  I've done about 200 loads of laundry, my paper grading and recording is up to date, thank you cards are written, and the nursery is in the midst of being reorganized.  (Definitely is in the "worse before it gets better" stage right now, which is making me a little bit crazy, though.)  And tell me that cloth diapers aren't the cutest thing you've ever seen in your life.  (I mean, besides Mitch.)

6.  Mad Men in two weeks!

7.  Presents from my Matt!  Tulips and a Bo Obama stuffed dog for the boy!

8.  And, finally, The Back in the Day Bakery Cookbook is here!  It's here!  I've been waiting for a year and a half for it, and it's incredible!  I went and got my copy on Thursday, and have been drooling over it ever since.  Even if Back in the Day Bakery wasn't my favorite place in Savannah, and even if I didn't think that Cheryl and Griff were basically the cutest people on the planet, and even if I didn't idolize Cheryl to the point where I get nervous when I see her because I'm so in awe of her mad skillz, I would love this cookbook the most.  The pictures are beautiful, the instructions are precise without being intimidating, and the recipes look amazing.  There are little tips throughout the book, and little tidbits about Savannah, and it's just wonderful.  Go buy it.  (Or win the baby pool and I'll send you one!)

Last night Back in the Day was having a cookbook release party, and I went with one of my teacher friends. We got there early to get our books signed, and I wish I had been able to take more pictures of the gorgeous decorations.  Those people sure know how to throw a party!  There was even cotton candy!  The place was packed, and there were complimentary sweet treats (I think I subsisted on cupcakes and cookies alone yesterday) and so much happy energy.  Of course my camera died after about 2 pictures, and I'd forgotten backup batteries, so here are some of the pictures that my friend took with her phone.

Then, inspired, productive, and cheery, I came home and decided that I absolutely had to make the chocolate chip cookies from the cookbook.

Shoot yeah!

These cookies are really f'ing good.  They're big, and they're crispy on the outside and chewy on the inside, and I might have had two of them for breakfast this morning (one for me, one for the baby!).  Matt approves.  So does the fetus.  My doctor does not, but I'm not listening to him about sugar anymore (not like I was ever really following his instructions about not eating sugar, but I'm not going to feel guilty about not following his instructions anymore).

Chocolate Chip Cookies
From The Back in the Day Bakery Cookbook (which you should go buy right now)

Ingredients

2 1/2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
1 1/4 teaspoons baking soda
1 1/4 teaspoons fine sea salt
1/2 pound (2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature (which she says is between 65 and 67 degrees F)
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup packed light brown sugar
2 large eggs, at room temperature
2 cups semisweet chocolate chunks
Fleur de sel for sprinkling

Directions

Position a rack in the lower third of the oven and preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.  Line two cookie sheets with parchment.

Sift together the flour, baking soda, and sea salt; set aside.

In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment (or in a large mixing bowl, using a handheld mixer), cream together the butter, vanilla, and both sugars on medium speed until light and fluffy, 3-5 minutes.

Add the eggs and mix for no more than 1 minute; the eggs will not be fully incorporated.  Turn the speed down to low and add the dry ingredients in thirds, beating until just combined, 1 to 2 minutes.  With the mixer running, sprinkle in the chocolate chunks, beating until just combined, about 1 minute.

Use a large ice cream scoop or a 1/4 cup measuring cup to form the cookies and place on the prepared cookie sheets, leaving 2 inches between the cookies to allow for spreading.  Lightly tap each cookie with the palm of your hand and sprinkle with fleur de sel.

Bake the cookies, one sheet at a time, for 15 to 18 minutes, rotating the pan halfway through the baking time for even doneness.  The cookies should be golden brown around the edges but still light in the centers.  Let the cookies cool on a wire rack.  Store the cookies in an airtight container for up to 3 days at room temperature.

What are you excited about today?