BRB!

You haven't heard much from us lately because Matt and I are currently hours from home, relaxing in a tropical paradise.  Don't fret; we'll be back in a few days.

Also, don't try to rob our house, because there's someone there, and she's armed and dangerous.  Also, the house is currently guarded by wolves with rabies. 

Chocolate Ice Cream!

Did you know that I'm not really into chocolate?  I like it and all, but I'm not one of those people who goes ga ga for chocolate, or who craves chocolate regularly.  Usually I prefer to eat chocolate in conjunction with other stuff (looking at you, peanut butter), and I like the chocolate to take a back seat to the other flavors.

I'm also afraid of making chocolate stuff, because I'm not terribly good at it.  I've had Back in the Day Bakery Cheryl's chocolate cake recipe for a few months now, and am still too afraid of it to make it.  (Also afraid that in the event that I successfully make it, I would eat the whole thing, despite my ambivalence about chocolate.  I need to have a time to share it with others.)  I don't know what's so scary about chocolate.  Mainly I'm just a big sissy.

I absolutely must overcome this fear*, because what kind of baker/ice creamer/fat girl can I be without knowing how to make awesome chocolate stuff?

This week I got one step closer, because I made David Lebovitz's Chocolate Ice Cream.  Plain ol' chocolate.  Also, David Lebovitz is a god.  The god of ice cream.

Now, Matt's mom, who is a chocoholic, doesn't like chocolate ice cream, because apparently true chocolate lovers prefer vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup. But I think this one could convert her--that's how good it is.

The flavor is intense without being overpowering, and the texture is silky smooth.  It's sweet without being too sweet.  This is the chocolate ice cream recipe that I will use for the rest of my life, because I just can't believe that it can get better.  (And I know that I have a penchant for hyperbole, but seriously, I'm telling the truth.)

Get this book. 

And make this ice cream.

And look at a picture of this dog.

And you'll be happy.  (At least until the ice cream's gone and the dog starts whining for treats.)

David Lebovitz's Chocolate Ice Cream

2 cups heavy cream

3 tablespoons unsweetened Dutch-process cocoa powder
5 ounces bittersweet or semisweet chocolate, chopped
1 cup whole milk
¾ cup granulated sugar
Pinch of salt
5 large egg yolks
½ teaspoon vanilla extract

Warm 1 cup of the cream with the cocoa powder in a medium saucepan, whisking to thoroughly blend the cocoa. Bring to a boil, then reduce the heat and simmer at a very low boil for 30 seconds, whisking constantly. Remove from the heat and add the chopped chocolate, stirring until smooth. Then stir in the remaining 1 cup cream. Pour the mixture into a large bowl, scraping the saucepan as thoroughly as possible, and set a mesh strainer on top of the bowl.

Warm the milk, sugar, and salt in the same saucepan. In a separate medium bowl, whisk together the egg yolk. Slowly pour the warm milk into the egg yolks, whisking constantly, then scrape the warmed egg yolks back into the saucepan.

Stir the mixture constantly over the medium heat with a heatproof spatula, scraping the bottom as you stir, until the mixture thickens and coats the spatula (170°F on an instant-read thermometer). Pour the custard through the strainer and stir it into the chocolate mixture until smooth, then stir in the vanilla. Stir until cool over an ice bath.


Chill the mixture thoroughly in the refrigerator, then freeze it in your ice cream maker according to the manufacturer’s instructions. (If the cold mixture is too thick to pour into your machine, whisk it vigorously to thin it out.)


*Shoot.  That would've been a good New Year's resolution, huh?  Instead I'm left with learning to like tomatoes and to eat at least one egg with a runny yolk.  Also afraid of that, but we'll have to discuss it at a later date.

Love and Marriage

[A conversation that took place when we walked into the living room, only to find Mitch watching Hotel for Dogs on HBO.]

 

Me: Wait, is that that Don guy?

Matt: Cheadle?

Me:  Yeah, him.  What's he doing in Hotel for Dogs?

Matt:  Well, he was in Hotel Rwanda.  It just makes sense.

Good to Know. . .

As you probably know, we've been pro-baby around these parts for a little while. 

I'm still in disbelief, too.

I'm in disbelief because there's nothing that I'm more afraid of than being pregnant.  Nothing.  Not jumpy frogs, not albino killers, not anything.

Fortunately, our good friend Christina recently mailed me a book with some tips about pregnancy, and now that I'm better-informed, I'm feeling a little bit more comfortable about getting myself knocked up (or "in trouble" if we're talking Dirty Dancing speak).

For example, now I know that I need to ride that mechanical bull sooner rather than later.

And that it's not okay to eat monkey brains with a spoon while nurturing a fetus.

Or to continue taking 'roids.  (Oh man, what if I was with child and got poison ivy!?  Then what would I do?)

No keggers or skydiving, either?!  Now that's some bull jive.

Well, at least there's a spinning wheel of responsibility. 

I mean, if I have to go almost a year without digging into monkey brains with a spoon, then it's only fair that Matt would have to change more diapers.  Am I right or am I right?  Or am I right?

Mellow Yellow

I'm going to be doing a little re-do of our living room sometime soon.  As part of that big change, I'm going to be painting the room (and the hallway) yellow.

Right now I'm in the process of choosing the best one.  And I know that the color may vary depending on your screen and whatnot, but I'm looking for a little feedback.

Here they are in the daytime.

And here they are at night.

I've got one in mind, but I want to know what you think.  So, which yellow is the best?

Too Much Cuteness for One Post

So, our neighbor across the street was having a yard sale on Saturday.  I thought about going over, but I didn't really want to buy anything and I wasn't up for awkward conversation and I was tired and had a little bit of a wine headache and I preferred to just be nosey from the window.

And while I stood at the window like this. . .  (PS--still wearing that exact same outfit)

I saw that she has a brand new puppy.  A little fat-bellied, puppy-breathed, needle-toothed ball of uber cuteness.  And then I got all flustered and jealous and I wanted to go over and distract her by kicking a skateboard and making it knock stuff over so that I could steal the puppy.  (Someone's been watching a little too much Toy Story.)  But that's a bad idea, because we don't need another dog for lots of reasons and because she would probably figure it out pretty quickly.  Dammit.

So to satiate my puppy yearnings, I dug out some old pictures of my Mitchell.  (I didn't have a digital camera back then, which is probably for the best, because there's just not enough digital memory in the world.  But our new printer has a scanner, so I can share them here now.)

Mitch was a really bad puppy.  Like really really bad.  And he still has days where he drives me and Matt bananas, when he whines and gets in our faces and barks and howls. 

But even during the worst of those moments, I can always think of him like this.

Be still, my uterus! 

 If you don't hear from me for a few days, it's probably because I'm off at some experimental doctor's office getting my uterus filled like a gumball machine with puppy embryos. 

Brrr! Time for Pasta Stew!

Well, I didn't get murdered by the Craigslist dryer repairman.  Turns out he was actually a dryer repairman, which is good for us because not only did I not get murdered, but we also have a working dryer again.  Phew!

But today is just a gloomy day of crap so far!  It's really frustrating when it seems that everyone else in the world is off of school and/or work, and you're not.  The brightest spot in my day so far has been this bean and pasta stew (or pasta e fagioli if we want to get all fancypants).**  Yum!  (By the way, Matt says that this just looks like a bowl of slop.  I say that it looks like a bowl of delicious slop.)

If you're snowed in, or if you're not, and if you're a fan of beans and pasta and tastiness, then you might want to give it a try.  Not too bad for you, cheap to make, and pretty easy.

Bean and Pasta Stew  (adapted from this recipe)
serves 8-10


3 cans northern beans
5 slices bacon, diced (or substitute 1 tablespoon olive oil for vegetarian version)
2 large yellow onions, sliced thin
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 bay leaf
1/2 pound pasta
5 thyme sprigs
3 teaspoons salt
1-2 teaspoons crushed red pepper
10 ounces baby spinach
pine nuts (optional)


In a heavy stock pot or dutch oven, fry the bacon over medium heat. Once all the fat has rendered, remove the bacon with a slotted spoon and reserve. Pour off all put one tablespoon of bacon fat. Cook the onions slowly with 1/2 teaspoon of salt until they caramelize and turn golden brown, 20-30 minutes. Add the celery and cook just until the celery is softened, about 3 minutes. Add the garlic and cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds.

Remove half of the onion mixture and reserve with the bacon. Deglaze the pan with one cup of water, scraping up any brown residue that has formed on the bottom of the pan.

Drain the beans and pour them into the pot with the remaining onions. Add the bay leaf and enough water to cover the beans and onions by one inch. Simmer for 15 minutes.

Return the pot to the stove top and set over medium-high heat. Add the bacon, reserved onions, whole thyme sprigs, remaining salt, crushed red pepper, and pasta. Cook, stirring occasionally, until the pasta is al dente. Add more water if necessary.

Add the spinach to the pot and stir until it is wilted. Remove the bay leaf and the thyme stems. Taste and add more salt and pepper if desired. Add pine nuts if desired.


This stew will keep for one week refrigerated.

Get cozy.  And stay that way.

**UPDATE.  Today took a huge turn for the better when we took a family snuggle nap that I didn't wake up from until 8:30.  When I finally peeled my body from the bed, I had a message on my phone announcing that tomorrow we will have a two-hour delay at school!  In the five and a half years that I've worked in this school system, we've never once gotten a delay or a day off for wintery weather.  I am currently beside myself with joy.**

A Boring Account of My Day, and Potential Last Words

This week has been tough. And not even tough because anything bad happened or because of illness or misfortune. It's just been tough because I'm a spoiled little baby, and after having 17 days off of work, I found it very hard to transition back into real life--which includes getting up in the morning, wearing pants that don't have an elastic waist, and actually having real responsibilities again, both at home and at school. What! You mean my entire life can't be devoted to watching Mad Men and making waffle cones?! That's rubbish!

So from Monday through Wednesday I was a complete worthless blob. I would go to school and try to muster up energy to be good while there, and then I'd come home and take a coma nap. The coma naps were getting progressively longer, and by the time I woke up from Wednesday's 4-hour one, I knew I had to make a change. But then I didn't want to, and I instead talked to Matt and ate burgers (from the new grill) and watched tv and laughed and tried my hardest to ignore the messy house and the fact that I would have to get up again in the morning. I hate getting up in the morning. I prefer to exit slumber in the early afternoon. (True fact. If I had my druthers, I'd stay up until 4 a.m. and sleep until noon every day.)

So yesterday was my day to be active. And, boy, was I! I went shopping and bought these, the perfect trouser pants from Gap that I'd had my eye on since September. (Shoot yeah, 50% off clearance prices!)

 and here I am wearing them

And I got this shirt, which is kind of like a fancy robe.

I also went to the grocery store and accidentally broke the bag and dropped my loaf of sourdough French bread in the middle of the parking lot. And I ate it anyway. And it was delicious.

And I took down Christmas. That took what felt like eight days, except that it was really like two or three hours. I think Christmas decorations are kind of like having family visit--you're so happy to put them out, and then you're just as happy to put them away.

While listening to to a few podcasts.

And I cleaned. And vacuumed (three times). And I ellipted. And I took a shower. And I did laundry.

And then the dryer went kaput. And I was mad. So I made Matt put on an episode of Mad Men, thinking that the dashing Don Draper would help me to forget about the inconvenient death of the dryer, but then I fell asleep during the episode.

This morning I found a guy on Craigslist who says that he has 30 years of experience fixing dryers and that he'll fix it for $40 plus the cost of parts. Hopefully that's not code for "30 years of experience murdering silly women," because I called him and he's coming to the house soon. Anyway, if I get murdered, you'll know it was "George" the "dryer repairman."*

*Don't worry, the dryer is out in the shed, so I don't even have to let him into the house.**

**Also, I'm going to hide a cast-iron skillet in my jacket, just in case. That's my weapon of choice to use against potential murderers.

Dogs and Chevys

Guess it's time to buy a truck.



Sorry about the silence around these parts.  It's back to work, back to routine, and back to wearing heels.  My feet hurt and I'm tired and I don't want to ellipt even though it'll make me feel better. 

The good news is that there's a good chance that we are going to win 330 million tonight, so I'll be able to get some more comfortable heels and some liposuction.

Penelope and Pip

I want all of these.

Hola, 2011.

New Year's is nice, but I kind of don't care about it.

Since I have been either in school or teaching school since I was five (except for those two years after college when I just waited tables and made bad decisions), I measure my years by school years instead of calendar years.  So really New Year's is just kind of depressing to me because it means that I have to go back to work soon, and gone will be the days of lounging around in my pajamas, staying up until 4:00 a.m. talking to Matt and drinking wine, and then sleeping in until noon just because I can.

And I don't really do resolutions, either (I talked about it some last year, but really it's just because I'm lazy and don't care).  And since it's considered poor form to make your New Year's resolution "to get knocked up," well, I guess I'm just going to say that I don't have one.

But I do think Mitch wants a kid sister.  (Yeah, yeah, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit, too.) (Oh, and we're not getting a goat!  Not that kind of kid!)

This is the part where I post 7 of the 121 pictures I took of him snuggling with Iris and Opal on the couch tonight while they watched Toy Story 3.

For serious!

In other news, tomorrow is my last day of vacation, and I kind of want to lie on the ground and kick and scream like a small child.  But we've got oodles of fun fast approaching, so there's no point in being a baby.

Also, my car won't start.  (Booooo!)

Also, it's raining, which means that I won't be vacuuming the floor for at least nine days.

I'm out of things to say right now.  Except that I'm ashamed of myself for still liking (really liking) Don Draper after he does so many skeevy things.

Oh man, looks like 2011 is off to a rocky start.

How about you?  Any resolutions?  Any dogs on couches with cute girls?

Top 15 Recipes of 2010

I have been a worthless human being today.

I still haven't changed out of my pajamas, and my back hurts from lying on the couch for so long.  I'd love to be able to say that I'm sick (even though I don't actually want to be sick) or that I have some other good reason for being such a disgusting fatbody today, but I don't.  Just laziness.

What makes it even worse is that today is Matt's super long day at work, and my laziness draws a stark contrast to his grueling day.  If I were Matt, I'd be hating me right now. 

Maybe I'll bake him cookies. 

Or pour him a glass of bourbon when he walks in the door.

(Sorry, we're the last two people on the planet to get into Mad Men, and we've been watching several episodes a night.  Boy, that Don sure is dapper!)

Anyway, one of the only things I have done today (other than watch 16 and Pregnant on On Demand--which is much more base than just watching it when it comes on tv.  I had to seek out 16 and Pregnant to watch it, and I did, and that makes me a horrible person.) is read other people's blogs, and many of them have been doing these "best of 2010" things.  I actually kind of hate those posts, but I kind of love them, too. 

So, I've gone back and forth about whether I should do one, but now since I can basically either do this post or get off my ass and get on the elliptical machine, I'm going to do the post.  Ellipting is hard.

Okay, so these are my fifteen favorite new recipes from 2010. 

First up, appetizers.  My favorite appetizers from 2010 are: (click on the link to get the recipe)

Redipulous!  This stuff is stupid good, and I'm almost afraid to make it because it's so good and I would eat all of it by myself.  I think I'm going to try to make a healthier version so that I can eat the whole thing by myself and not feel as guilty.

Bacon Jam.  I know I've gone on and on about this lately, but it really is just so good.  Just remember to follow the directions.  And eat it on some fancy bread.

Okay, now for some entrees.

P Cubed.  It's just wonderful.  Matt hates peas and this is still one of his favorite meals. And don't skip the lemon; you'll regret it.

Kung Pao Chicken.  It was always our favorite thing to order when we ate Chinese, and now we can make it at home!  So good, and actually not all that bad for you.

Smitten Kitchen's Chicken Meatballs.  I will make these until the day I die.  Also not terrible for you.  (Oh, and did you know that you can grind chicken in a food processor?  I didn't.  Cassie told me, and it's super fast and easy.)

Ginger Pork Stir Fry.  Mmmmmmmmm.  It seems like pork tenderloin is always on sale, and this stuff is crazy tasty.  Add vegetables to your liking.

Guinness Steak.  This one's a grilling recipe, so you may be waiting until spring or summer to make it, but it's delicious, and it's simple, and you get to drink the other three Guinness beers.  Win, win, win.  (I actually hate beer, so Matt gets to drink the beer.)

Pioneer Woman's Chicken Pineapple Quesadillas.  So good.  So good.  I--I just love them so much!

Bitten Word's Lemon Rosemary Chicken.  Mmmmmmmm.

And now for the desserts.  Last year was all about cupcakes for me.  This year I changed gears a little and went bananas for ice cream making.  There's still some baking, but it's mostly frozen treats.  Just go buy yourself an ice cream maker and be an ice cream making pen-pal with me already.

Mandy's Famous Pumpkin Cheesecake Ice Cream.  You'll just die, but in a good way.

Mandy's Famous Raspberry Sorbet.  It's the best, and it's beautiful, and it's good for you.

Vanilla Bean Cupcakes from Annie's Eats.  My favorite vanilla cupcake.  Also Mitch's favorite vanilla cupcake.

Blackberry Pie Bars.  (Or cherry, or raspberry, or whatever fruit you'd like.)  It's Cheryl from Back in the Day Bakery's recipe, so you know they're delicious.  Make them to share, and people will love you.

Banana Puddin' Ice Cream.  Goes over very well with Southerners.  Use twice as many Nilla Wafers.  Mmmmmmmm.

And, finally, Thomas Jefferson's Vanilla Ice Cream.  TJ's just good at everything, wasn't he?  This ice cream has the best texture, and rich flavor.  It's a little bit of a labor of love, but it's worth it.

So, there you have it.  That took way more time than I thought it would, and now I must peel my body off of this couch before I order myself a pair of pajama jeans.  (They're the hot new fashion sensation, you know.)